


Diplomatic Solutions

by usethehorserey



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, As many parallels to canon as I can fit, Best friends Finn and Rose, Boss/Employee Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending is Promised, Kylo the stuck in his own mistakes workaholic who really is just trying his best, Leia & Ben feels, Modern AU, Professional/Unprofessional Relationship, Rey the Hopeful and Ambitious and Confident Future Diplomat, Reylo - Freeform, Skywalker family drama is always tied to politics isnt it, Slow Burn, Snoke is a sneaky bastard and the slime of the slime of DC political crowd, State Department Fun, Virgin Rey but she aint shy, a whole lotta feels, also some Anidala paralels, emotional foreplay, some space Darcy vibes, supportive Rey & Rose friendship, which you should have guessed by the title ;)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2019-11-01 09:15:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 70,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usethehorserey/pseuds/usethehorserey
Summary: Rey Johnson is an intern for the renowned Senator Leia Organa, but her real hopes are for one day becoming a career diplomat. One unexpected e-mail gives Rey an opportunity she never expected—the chance to intern with the State Department, and with Foreign Affairs Officer, Kylo Ren.





	1. An Offer

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by something else entirely; but it turned into the D.C./Career AU I didn't know I wanted to write. Hope you enjoy it <3 
> 
> Thank you so much to my beta/number 1 supporter, katieitsmee <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Rey had stared out this window and into this new world too many times over the past year, it was constant hypnosis, being in the city she wanted to be in, but waiting on something that a piece of her was starting to wonder would ever happen. She pursed her lips, grappling with what she should do."_

 

 

 

 

 

**Subject: Interview with The Department of State for Internship position with the Bureau of European and Eurasian Affairs.**

**Dear Ms. Johnson,**

 

**Thank you for your application to intern with the Bureau of European and Eurasian Affairs. We are impressed with your educational accomplishments, as well as your experience on Capitol Hill.**

**As this position needs to be filled rather quickly, we’d like to schedule an in-person interview with the Foreign Affairs Officer you would be directly working for as soon as possible.**

**Please let me know which of the following times would work best for you:**

**Wednesday, September 5 th, at 12:00 p.m.**

**Thursday, September 6 th, at 10:00 a.m.**

**Regards,**

**Bazine Netal**

**Human Resources Officer**

**U.S. Department of State**

 

 

Rey read the e-mail possibly a hundred times. Even with the sounds of the bustling coffee shop around her--the wave of visitors bringing in the noises of the street, or the barista yelling out another name every couple of minutes; nothing distracted her from the screen before her.

She didn’t even apply to the position. Or, did she? She racked her brain, trying to remember the past several months here, but it was all a bit of a blur. That happens when you work nearly 70-hour weeks. But she must have, maybe even before she took this position—yeah, she had applied to hundreds of jobs before finally being offered one, maybe this was just one of the famously drawn-out government application processes.

Even though, evidently, the position was needed urgently.

She frowned, shaking her head. She was getting caught up in sorting out the situation, probably because it was absurd itself—an internship with the Department of State? It was too good to be true.

“Everything alright?”

Rey turned to the familiar voice, seeing Rose’s bright and sunny smile. She wore a deep burgundy apron, the label ‘Flour & Rose’ across the front of it, and a simple black tee and jeans underneath. Her usual work attire.

“Yeah, definitely.” She glanced back at the laptop in front of her, a frown still formed across her face. Rose raised a brow as she took the seat across from her.

“Definitely? Then why have you been locked in a stare-off with your computer for the last half hour?”

Rey sighed, caving into Rose’s call out.

“Well…” She closed the laptop, “I just got offered an interview for a job.”

“You were glaring because something good happened?” She laughed, as Rey cracked a sheepish smile.

“I just… wasn’t expecting it.” A slight pinch appeared on her brow as she continued, “It’s with the State Department.”

Rose’s eyebrows almost jumped from her forehead.

“Exactly,” Rey laughed, “But, I love working for Leia, and---”

“But this is amazing! You’ve been waiting for how long now to get off the Foreign Service Registrar? Six months? It could still be another year until they call you into service---this would get you the real experience you need, this could even maybe, I don’t know—bump you up on the list! It’s about who you know, after all, and---”

“I know—I know, Rose.” Rey interrupted, almost resigned.

Rose sighed.

“Well, anyways, I think at the moment, we should dig into that pie I set aside for us—celebrate the opportunity, if nothing else.”

“Absolutely agree,” Rey smirked, taking a sip from her, now rather cold, coffee. She couldn’t help the grimace as she swallowed.

“And I’ll get Kaydel to make another cappuccino for you too.” Rose grabbed the mug from her as she stood up from the table, pacing over the wooden floor towards the marble countertops.

“You’re a saint, you know that?” Rey called after her, her accent slightly rising with her voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” She waved her hand back at her, not unkindly. 

Rey smiled as she took a quick glance around the room. With its quirky and warm interior, it was a hidden gem in this usually much too stuffy corner of the District. The little coffee shop had been her ‘second home’ the past several months she’d lived here, and Rose had been very persistent in becoming her only non-coworker friend.

Rey shifted her gaze to the window beside her. Small droplets of water coated the windowpane, the greyness of the sky echoed the buildings and blur of cars and people out in the city. The weekends here in the heart of Washington meant a chaotic blend of professionals, locals, tourist groups in their tacky matching gear (and hopeless sense of direction), and now and then a glimpse of a political leader going about their daily life.

Rey had stared out this window and into this new world too many times over the past year, it was constant hypnosis, being in the city she wanted to be in, but waiting on something that a piece of her was starting to wonder would ever happen. She pursed her lips, grappling with what she should do. Her hands started playing with her own sleeves, pulling the creamy fabric absentmindedly.

Only the smell of freshly baked cinnamon apple snapped her from her meditation. Her eyes widened at Rose setting the soon-to-be-devoured pie between them, along with another chocolate cappuccino.

“Not so fast,” Rose hastily covered the pie, “First you respond to that interview request,” She gave her a wicked grin.

Rey rolled her eyes, “Should’ve seen that coming.”

“Yeah, you really should’ve. I know you can’t resist these.”

“Completely unfair,” Rey groaned, “But alright, I guess there’s nothing wrong with going to speak with them.” She pulled her laptop back open, returning to the e-mail.

“Exactly,” Rose smiled, placing a fork next to Rey, who was already typing away. “And when they give you the opportunity of a lifetime,” Rose said between bites, “you’ll remember us little folk, right?”

“I thought I was already in an ‘opportunity of a lifetime’ position, being a staff member to a U.S. Senator and everything.” Rey arched a brow. 

“But this is _your_ opportunity of a lifetime-not someone else’s. Come on, finish saying yes and help me eat this pie before it’s gone.”

“Done,” Rey grinned, slapping her laptop shut.

 

* * *

 

_Tap-Tap-Tap-Tip, Tap-Tap-Tip-Tap_  

He needed to finish this report before Monday came around, but damn it, each time he finished a section, he realized he needed to include an entire other connecting incident to explain the issue further. He kept speeding away at his computer, only pausing to whisk a sip of his dark roast, the color of his coffee matching his raven hair.  

It had been much too chaotic lately, too many e-mails to respond to, unnecessary meetings he needed to attend, and far too many “emergencies” popping up every waking moment. He hadn’t had a full day off since… well, maybe he didn’t even know when. Being back in the states on this more permanent assignment was a step up the ladder for sure, but the workload was entirely too much for one person to handle. Even if he didn’t want to admit it.

And so here he was, the dedicated Foreign Affairs Officer, spending yet another Saturday afternoon boarded away in his office. It was a dark den of mahogany and brass, with the only burst of light coming from the windows opening up to 21ststreet.

_Ping!_

_Another e-mail?_ He grumpily sighed, quickly pulling up the message.

 

**Kylo,**

**Good afternoon. I’m messaging you to let you know that the recommended applicant has responded to the interview request, and is available to interview this Wednesday at 12:00 p.m. Please confirm this time still works well for you.**

**Regards,**

**Bazine Netal**

**Human Resources Officer**

**U.S. Department of State**

 

He blinked. Then he remembered---yes, he had asked for an intern a couple weeks ago—and while a large number of applicants appeared, as usual, there was one applicant in particular that Bazine told him was highly recommended from multiple sources. He didn’t particularly care what they had to say, but if it helped Bazine narrow down the field---he was fine with it. All he needed was a competent assistant, really. Someone who hopefully had at least a decent enough head on their shoulders to help with collecting important and accurate information, and who could handle the pressures of being surrounded by political actors both in DC and around the world as well.

  

**Bazine,**

**Yes, Wednesday works fine. Send me the applicant’s contact information please, I’d like to get in touch with them myself. I’ll go ahead and confirm the interview time with them.**

**Regards,**

**Kylo Ren**

**Foreign Affairs Officer**

**U.S. Department of State**

  

Sent. There. No more e-mails, hopefully.

After a few more hours writing away, with an annoying interruption or two later, he was finally finished with the absurdly detailed report. Well, he was hired for his analyzation skills, they were going to get it, whether they truly read all of the information or not. Most likely not, considering the administration.

He puffed a bit of a sigh as he put his blazer back over his shirt, hastily throwing the black strap of his bag across his chest as well, before heading through the maze of the State Department, and out the glass doors.

The city was at its usual today, a coat of rain on the streets and lawns, the tourists finally done for the afternoon and nowhere to be seen, just the other bureaucrats like him walking about in suits, and a few younger professionals looking like they were headed anywhere other than the office for their Saturday evening. 

Younger, as if he wasn’t one of them. But he hardly felt like it anymore. His days were that of no deviance, just working in the office, or reading at home, or taking out his pent-up frustrations on the punching bag at the gym.

After a block of hurriedly pacing down the sidewalk, clearing the way with his prominent stature, he finally got to his black tank of a car. More than ready to hide away in his home for the rest of the night, he revved up the engine and tore out down the avenue.

 

* * *

 

No matter how many times she took the metro, she was always turned around when she came back up to street level. Maybe if she didn’t daydream so much when having her headphones in she wouldn’t constantly be wandering about the wrong way. At least it wasn’t quite dark yet, or she may have something to worry about walking down the wrong alley in Georgetown—not that there were too many wrong alleyways here, but it was still D.C., after all.

Finally, she reached the small lobby of an older, three-story brick-clad apartment. It still had some of the usual charming touches of the historic area, regardless being that is was possibly the least renovated building in the entire neighborhood. After a couple flight of stairs, and down a twisting hallway, there stood her plain white door. But just as she was turning the key—

“Rey!”

She pulled out a headphone, turning to see her neighbor, a sturdy smiley man, bounding over to her from down the creaky little hall.

“Hey Finn,” She grinned back at him, hovering at her doorway.

“Rose mentioned something about you leaving me for another job—is it true?” He crossed his arms at her, but he couldn’t even play angry at her for very long, not with a goofy grin hiding underneath that scowling glare.

She rolled her eyes, of course Rose was probably on the phone with Finn the second she left the coffee shop. “Being both neighbors, and coworkers, you’d really think you’d get tired of me in your life every day.”

“And friends,” He raised his brow, arms still crossed.

“Yes, and friends,” She half laughed, then started inside her apartment, motioning for him to follow.

With the familiar smell of vanilla and lavender mixed in the air, she sighed happily as she set her laptop bag on her little cherry dining room table for two. It was just a little studio, but it was still full of warmth and light, and most importantly, hers.

“So come on, tell me---” Finn started again, leaning against the kitchen counter. “What’s going on? All she told me was that you got offered a job with the State Department?”

“No,” Rey huffed, “I didn’t get offered a job, I got offered an interview. Big difference.” She emphasized.

“What’s the difference, once they meet you they’ll love you.” He laughed, as he leaned down to pick up her little roommate, an orange and white tabby she had found the day she moved in. “Like this little guy.”

Rey quirked a smile, but looked away, her gaze shifting to the old hardwood flooring.

“I don’t know about that. But, the thing is—I don’t even remember applying to the job.”

“Is that gonna be your excuse when you tell Leia you’re leaving her?”

Rey rolled her eyes, “I’m sure she won’t miss me. But that’s getting ahead of ourselves, I honestly don’t know if I’ll get it.”

“Okay, okay,” He resigned, “Anyways, I’m happy for you—I know how badly you’ve been wanting to get into the foreign service, this would be amazing for you.”

“Yeah, it would be.” She replied quietly. “And thanks Finn, I appreciate it.” She looked back up to him and gave a small smile.

“Hey, I’m always on your side.” He leaned forward as they did their usual fist bump, a little thing they started to do a while back whenever something right would happen at work.

He went to go back out the door, but paused, turning back to face her.

“You sure you don’t want to go out with Rose and I tonight? We’re not doing anything too crazy, just going to Takodana probably.”

“Thanks, but, I just want to stay in tonight.” She had slightly too many thoughts bouncing around her head to be much of a conversationalist. “I promise I’ll go out with you guys again next week.” She knew they wouldn’t let her stay behind two weeks in a row.

“You’re keeping that promise,” He jabbed at her, before smiling and shutting the door.

She grinned and shook her head as she locked the door behind him; Finn and Rose had been particularly invested in her dating life, or the lack-there-of, and were strangely convinced she’d somehow find her soulmate at a bar. Well, maybe not a soulmate, but, Rey wasn’t really interested in anything else. If she was even interested in that.

No, the only thing on her mind at the moment was the one thing that she’d been waiting and working for over the last year, or many years if you were to count the years of studying, and preparing herself for the Foreign Service Officer test, then waiting again six months to go to the day-long assessment exam, and finally, being put on the registrar list—only to be waiting indefinitely once more.

She had gotten used to the wait, and now… well, maybe this job really could open the door outside of the registrar, as Rose said. That’s the hard truth about this field, it really was about who you know, or what your last name was. Anytime her thoughts lingered on that though, it just made her really want to hit something, hard, and with a stick.

“Prrrup,” BB did his usual little attention-seeking squeak at her, drawing her out of her introspection. She reached down to bring him into her arms.

“Yes little guy, I’m here.” She rubbed the back of his ears, an instant purr permeating the little apartment, so loud it was almost echoing off the brick walls. She gave him a kiss before setting him on the kitchen counter.

She supposed she’d make another whole box of pasta all for herself tonight, then lounge on the couch with BB while catching up on Game of Thrones (yes season 7 had been released for over a year now, but she was _always_ behind on shows). She practically had to beg Finn to not constantly talk about spoilers on his Twitter, or she’d use that block button immediately.

Just as she was snuggling up on the little cream couch, pasta in hand, the Game of Thrones theme playing, her phone let out a loud _ping!_ from her side.

She sighed, thinking Finn or Rose were probably badgering her to come out. But it wasn’t a text.

 

**Dear Rey Johnson,**

**Thank you for responding to our interview request, I have it confirmed that you are available on Wednesday, September 5 th, at 12:00 p.m.**

**I will be conducting the interview on Wednesday, as I will be the Foreign Affairs Officer you will be directly working under. I like to conduct my interviews at the Knight Ren Club, where we can discuss what this internship entails, and see if you are the right fit for this position.**

**Please confirm that this time and location work for you.**

**Regards,**

**Kylo Ren**

**Foreign Affairs Officer**

**U.S. Department of State**

 

Rey arched a brow, taken aback—the Knight Ren Club? That was one of, if not the, most exclusive professional political clubs in the District. Was…was she even allowed to go inside? Even for an interview?

Well, she supposed he wouldn’t ask if that wasn’t the case. She rubbed her thumb over her lip for a moment, a little perplexed, but intrigued. She shook her head—this interview just kept throwing more twists at her, but… despite all her own discouraged statements to Rose and Finn, the truth was, the job would be perfect for her.

And she was going to prove that to this ‘Kylo Ren’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, yes she will ;)


	2. Interrogations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The piano being played in the far room downstairs was interrupted, the sound of rhythmic taps of heels on marble echoed up the stairs around the corner. His eyes carefully waited upon the second-floor landing; where not a moment later, a figure in azure attire appeared before him._

 

 

 

She knew she should’ve ordered an uber. Rey had been in a half walk half run for the last fifteen minutes, and now she was a block... maybe two... away from her destination, with only five minutes to spare.

After her phone beeped at her to head down another street, she pulled a mirror out to make sure her low bun was still in place, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. Her heels still clacking against the ground, she slapped the mirror shut, throwing it in her purse. Rey was thankful for the slight breeze in the air this September morning, keeping her pounding heart from showing through in any unwanted sweat stains through her blazer.

Finally, down a block of embassy row-style houses, there it was. With the dramatic contrast between the marble facade and the neighboring brick buildings beside it, the mansion stood out on this street of already prominent structures. A bright and rather clean staircase led up to a small landing, where a statuesque man cloaked in black stood guard.

“Excuse me, I’m Rey Johnson, I’m here for—” But the doorman abruptly turned around, swinging open the ebony bark.

“Mr. Ren is up the stairs and to the right, Ms. Johnson.” He spoke, his voice as wooden as his stature; his stance posed beside the open portal.

She swallowed and lifted her chin high, then stepped inside the Knight Ren.

Her eyes blinked rapidly as she adjusted to the lighting, the door behind her snapping shut. The air was thick with leather and cologne, yet it was a surprisingly open space. Deep mahogany floors stretched throughout. Into the left and right of her, the floor sank slightly to rooms of velvet armchairs and crystal glassware. She stood in a hallway of sorts, where marble pillars replaced walls around her. A quiet piano tune muffled the rooms around her, where some quiet conversations were being held between mostly white-haired men in suits.

She stood still for a moment, taking one more second to herself. _I can do this, I can do this_ , she nodded. Not wanting to linger, and already feeling a few eyes on her, she quickly turned to the grand stairwell ahead.

 

* * *

 

He was staring at a line on the paper, jaw clenched, as it had been all morning.

**Legislative Assistant Intern, The Office of Senator Leia Organa.**

Bazine was in charge of the recruiting process—he hadn’t bothered to actually read the resume of his interviewee until this morning.

He debated calling the entire interview off.

But no... he’d wait, just to see exactly who this ‘Rey Johnson’ was, and why they wanted an internship with _him._

Kylo placed the resume back on the coffee table before him, along with his empty cup of espresso. With a sigh, he glanced at his Rolex. 11:58. She should be here any second. His eyes shifted to the window beside him, the bright light highlighting a normally muted etch across his face.

“Mr. Ren, would you like anything else?” A voice came from his right.

He slowly took his gaze from the street below, his face now shadowed by the dim interior.

“Another shot of espresso.”

“I’ll return momentarily.” With a curt nod, the man in a much too dated three-piece suit disappeared.

Kylo leaned forward, arms resting on his knees. His lips squirmed a bit as he took a deep breath. He’d conducted more than a handful of interviews in his time, but, never one with someone that... well, might know more about his personal life than he’d like.

The piano being played in the far room downstairs was interrupted, the sound of rhythmic taps of heels on marble echoed up the stairs around the corner. His eyes carefully waited upon the second-floor landing; where not a moment later, a figure in azure attire appeared before him.

He skimmed her over; with her cutaway blazer, form-fitting pants, along with pointed tan heels, she was clearly well aware of the importance of a good first impression. His eyes slowly raised back up to her hair in a twisted bun, to finally, her eyes, a bright shimmer escaping them as they turned to his.

He rose to his feet as she crossed the divide between them, a small smile escaping her.

“Kylo Ren?”

He quirked his head slightly at the British accent but continued to stare challengingly. He’d wondered if she’d go for a different form of acknowledgment. But as he searched her face for any sign of recognition, she only stood there, the corner of her lips slowly falling.

“Yes,” He yielded, taking a seat once more, and pointed to the deep velvet armchair across from his. “And you must be Rey Johnson.”

She bit her lip slightly, but nodded and slowly took her seat.

“So, Ms. Johnson, you have an impressive resume for only being a year out from school— which, you did exceedingly well at, it seems.”

Her smile returned, slightly, yet her shoulders still tensed as she was about to respond—but just then the club butler returned with his espresso, setting it before him.

“Thank you,” He responded in return, arching a brow back up at the Senator’s intern before him. “Would you like anything?”

“A cappuccino would be wonderful, thank you.” She replied, turning to face the butler bowing to her left.

He leaned forward in his seat, taking a long sip of his drink. The girl waited patiently, unmoving. He supposed he should get this started.

“I want you to tell me why you’re here, Ms. Johnson.” He softly commanded.

She blinked, a slight pause in her eyes as she began to speak.

“I’m here because I know I’d be the right candidate you’re looking for; I know I can handle the pressures of working with major world issues, I’m resourceful, and I’m not intimidated when working with prominent figures.”

Kylo didn’t doubt that. Not with her current position being with who it was.

“And what makes you interested in Foreign Policy? Why shift from the Legislative branch to the State Department?” He inquired, eyes narrowing.

But she didn’t turn away, not even when her cappuccino was placed lightly on the glass and gold table before her.

“I focused on International Relations in my studies, and I was a part of Model UN; I participated every semester as a delegate, as well as being a part of the officer committee. I believe my professors would attest that this has been a passion of mine for a while.” She reached for her mug, taking a small sip; red lipstick staining the porcelain.

He glanced back at her resume sitting on the table between them, “Yes, at Princeton.” He raised his brow as he peered at her once again. She’d been in the states since after high school then, at the least. But he wasn’t interrogating her about her life background, he needed to focus on getting other answers.

He shifted his body forward, his fingers clasping together, eyes still on target. Although her hands shuffled, her eyes were unwavering. It seemed she didn’t have a problem with eye contact.

“But why then, Ms. Johnson, did you take on a Legislative Assistant position, and why are you now wanting a change? Why are you leaving Senator Organa, and why would you like a job with the State Department?” It was a perfectly normal interview query, and the closest he could get without blatantly asking the real question on his mind.

A slight clench to her jaw, a shift in her eyes. Yes, maybe she knew exactly what he was asking after all.

She took another taste of her coffee. But her eyes darted up to his, darker, and more determined than before, her chest rising as she began to speak.

“I took the job with Senator Organa because it was a great opportunity straight out of college. But —” Her eyes bore into his, “Someday I’m going to be a Diplomat, Mr. Ren. I’m not sure when, but I’ve taken the Foreign Service Officer Test, I’ve completed every step of the process of making it onto the Registrar. Problem is, I still haven’t been called from the list.” She swallowed, but continued, Kylo’s eyes not leaving hers. “This is another opportunity and an even better one than where I currently am—for the career that I really want. I’m passionate and serious, and I’m more than capable of handling this job.”

He blinked. That was not at all what he was expecting.

It was a bold answer; an honest one—a _brave_ one, to admit she had her eyes on a different career. And yet, it showed exactly what she intended it to; that she was, indeed, serious about Foreign Policy. Furthermore, if she already passed the notoriously rigorous F.S.O. testing process—she was probably more qualified for this role than any candidate he’d ever come across. Besides, this wasn’t a permanent position, she’d be leaving it eventually—if not for the Foreign Service, then for something other than an internship.

After minutes of silence, he finally stretched back in his seat, letting his left leg rest upon the other. Maybe she wasn’t here for any other reason than the job after all. Maybe she didn’t know, or, maybe she didn’t care.

“Well, then, Rey—let’s go over what I expect from you in this position.”

A breath finally escaped her, breaking her frozen posture.

“This is a full-time job, which, I’m sure you’re aware of, doesn’t just mean forty hours.” She nodded her head as he continued, “There will be some weekends that you’ll be expected to work, some nights that will last longer than you’d like, and some trips that will require you to be ‘on’ during the entirety of the visit.” He looked down as he thought for a moment.

“I’m very used to that.” She replied, not phased.

He nodded, looking back at her, “Good. You will also be joining me in meeting high ranking officials, diplomats, and ambassadors, but I’m assuming that part of the job is something you’re rather looking forward to.”

“Yes,” She nodded, “But I’m looking forward to getting the chance to help with research and solve some problems as well.”

She’d certainly have plenty of that.

“The majority of the work that you will be doing is directly assisting in that way. There are many reports that are my responsibility, covering a wide range of issues, and countries in the region. Not as fun as it sounds,” He looked away a moment before sighing. “But, it’s important.”

There was a pause as the girl shifted in her seat.

“I understand this is a paid internship, Mr. Ren?” She arched a single brow, expectantly.

“Kylo,” He corrected, “And yes, you’ll be salaried, about $3,500 a month, after taxes.”

She nodded carefully, but even that steely face couldn’t hide the surprise in the small rise of her brows. Good, seemed that was more pay than she was expecting.

“I’m willing to extend you an offer today, Rey. It’s a demanding job, but it could be exactly what you’re looking for; future diplomat.” He added, arching a brow.

She let her bottom lip fall open, before biting it shut.

He took a breath, about to continue, but the girl spoke up first—

“Can you give me the day to decide?”

He ran a hand through his hair, pursing his lips. Then he reached for his leather-bound wallet, pulling a card from it.

“Yes, but give me a call by tonight, I’d like to get you started soon as possible.” He reached his hand towards hers, and she took the card from him, their hands barely missing the others.

“I can do that.” She nodded her head sharply, looking at the card before those bright hazel eyes met his once again.

He began to rise, as she did the same.

“It was a pleasure, Rey,” He reached outwards, while she glanced at his hand before extending hers.

“Yes, it was nice to meet you, Kylo.”

Both their gazes shifted between the others, their hands meeting for the first time. She broke the contact first, giving a curt smile before swiftly turning away.

And with that, he was left standing, watching her walk away—her heels echoing throughout the mansion once again. How he’d started out with the intention of badgering this stranger until they stormed out—and ended up practically begging this girl to take the job—he didn’t know.

He shook his head, taking a breath—he was the one giving the interview, and yet she left in more control of the situation than he was.

Well, if she did end up accepting the job, he’d make sure to not let himself fall into, _whatever this was_ , again.

 

* * *

 

 

She got the job. _She got the job_. She still couldn’t believe it.

Well, she hadn’t accepted it yet... not when she needed to have another conversation first. But, how she ended up being offered it when she had blurted out the truth about what she was really after—she didn’t know.

But after he’d been trying to practically pry into her mind with those dark, devouring eyes, she felt like he’d marked her as a criminal somehow and she’d needed to confess.

In truth, she wasn’t sure if taking the job would be the best option anymore, not with him being her boss. Even walking up to him had been intimidating, his tall, broad stature, in his deep charcoal suit, the black of his shirt contrasting against his pale face. The light had touched upon a scar going across his right eye and cheekbone, but she had desperately avoided staring.

“Ah—there she is!”

She shook her head, being brought back into her surroundings, Finn had just walked into their shared office space, face bright and expecting.

“Yes, I’m back.” She sighed, putting down the paper she hadn’t actually been reading the last fifteen minutes.

Finn hopped his way over to her, scooting around the other tables and chairs, currently unoccupied by their fellow coworkers.

“Anndd?” He badgered, sitting upon the chestnut table beside hers.

“And, I got offered the job.”

“I told you!”

She laughed, “I’m honestly not sure how I didn’t get told to leave that place immediately, let alone actually get the offer.”

“What do you mean?” He frowned, messing with his tie, a clothing item he never seemed to get used to.

“I just... I don’t know,” She raised a hand to her chin, “It was a bit of a stiff environment.”

“Nah, at the Knight Ren?” He looked sideways at her. They’d heard more than enough stories of this ‘good ole boys’ club to know it was probably a place neither of them would normally be welcomed in.

She laughed again. “Right, well, I believe this guy may just bring that atmosphere with him everywhere he goes.”

“Some old guy that should’ve quit a long time ago?” He sighed, crossing his arms.

“Surprisingly no,” She shook her head, “He looked maybe just a few years older than us. But he had the demeanor of a wolf, definitely been in a few fights, probably started them by just glaring at someone, and I swear he’s probably never smiled a day in his life.”

Finn had ‘yikes’ written all over his face, but he continued on. “So he’s nothing like Leia then?”

“I don’t know,” She quirked her head to the side, pondering. “She would probably fight McConnell if she was given the chance.”

They both laughed, thinking of Leia’s frighteningly cool use of intellect, and cutting use of insults —she really didn’t need to use any physical prowess, she could take anyone down that she wanted, with just a glance.

Rey sighed.

“I’m assuming she’s back from the Appropriations Committee meeting then?” She asked, a slight edge of anxiety creeping into her voice.

“Yeah,” Finn nodded, his playful tone disappearing. “She’s in her office.”

“Guess I should talk to her then.” She stood up slowly, taking a breath to prepare herself.

“Listen,” Finn cleared his throat, twirling his hands, “I know this is a great opportunity for you—I just wanted to say we’ll miss you around here.” His warm chocolate eyes shifted away from hers, just as uncomfortable with expressing themselves as hers were.

“I haven’t accepted it yet, Finn.” She looked away, walking towards the door. “But, I’d miss you too.”

******************************************************************

“Come in.”

She had been standing, frozen for several minutes, before finally knocking on the bright cherry wood door.

She peeked her head in, meeting Leia’s warm smile. She had on her deep plum pantsuit today, her gray-streaked hair in a braided bun. One of Rey’s favorite looks for the Senator.

“The meeting went well, I hope?” Rey asked as she closed the door softly behind her. the light of the wide windows tended to brighten this room more so than the others, the way it bounced off the mostly cream and pastel décor, it was warm, home-y, even.

“The usual suspects trying their usual tactics—but we managed to pull through with what we needed.” She shrugged.

“As you usually do,” Rey smirked.

Leia grinned as she took off her reading glasses, her sharp eyes landing on Rey.

“There’s something on your mind, isn’t there?” She squinted, but not waiting for a response before pointing to the tiffany-blue chair in front of her.

Rey swallowed, taking her seat carefully. She supposed she should just come out and say it then.

“Leia,” She started, trying to not look away from Leia’s expecting stare, “I’ve been offered a job. With the State Department.”

Rey swore she saw a flash of recognition go through those brown eyes.

“Oh? And when does that begin?”

“Well, I... I haven’t accepted it yet.” Rey stumbled, trying to judge Leia’s nonchalant response.

“And why not?” Leia implored, her hands waved open, as if exasperated.

Rey blinked, the corners of her brow turning upwards. _Why not?_

“I’ve loved working here, with you—for you, with everyone here. And there are still projects I haven’t finished yet, and—”

Leia raised her hand up, halting Rey immediately.

“I appreciate the loyalty, Rey. But isn’t this something a future Foreign Service Officer would be dying to take advantage of?” Rey froze. But Leia rolled her eyes, not unkindly. “Yes, I know. I know you want to be a diplomat, Rey. A very, very honorable aspiration. And one I’d see you be quite skilled at if I must confess.”

Rey’s lips moved without words as she tried to form a response—but Leia continued on.

“But I _also_ know you wouldn’t have left here unless you were given the right opportunity to, and I didn’t want to see you waiting endlessly on something that may not happen for a long while. That registrar list can last for eighteen months, and then, you may have to start the process over.” She frowned but continued. “And in the meantime, you would have been staying in a position that is getting you nowhere in the expertise you need.”

Leia paused, but then leaned forward until Rey had finally looked back up. She gulped at Leia’s almost piercing stare, but there was something... something there in those eyes she recognized.

“Sometimes you have to go out and make fate come to you, Rey.” Leia let a mischievous edge creep into her voice.

Rey pinched her brow, a click going off in her mind—the application—she hadn’t— “Did you—”

“Yes, I turned in your application, and recommended you.” Leia leaned back, clasping her hands together proudly.

Rey was dumbstruck. What the—why would Leia... why would she do that for her? And, could Rey even go forward with the job, knowing Leia is why she got it? She wasn’t sure she could accept that; she hadn’t had help getting her into Princeton or getting this internship, and she wasn’t wanting to use Leia in that way. And yet, isn’t that why she wanted this job? So that she had an in with the State Department for the Foreign Service? Her head began to ache, her stomach hinting at a future unfortunate visit to the bathroom.

Rey took a deep breath, trying to shove the thoughts out for now, and settling her rising anxiety. “Look, Leia, I’m really thankful for your support but—”

“Let me tell you something Rey,” Leia interrupted her, her voice commanding and soft all at once. “This country is not as much of the, ‘anyone can come from anywhere and be anybody’ as it pretends; but I want to help make that ideal be more of a reality. I see you and I see a very bright, independent, and capable woman, who has talents and dreams, that are beyond where she is now. And I, _I_ am in a position where I can do something to help that happen. So I had a responsibility to do so.” She waved a hand in the air as if that was the most obvious thing anyone could have done.

But it was something beyond anything anyone had ever done for her. She looked down, blinking rather quickly. Still unable to process or react to Leia’s revelation.

“So...” Leia began, a smile in her voice, “Are you going to accept the job?” Rey finally met her eyes, they were softer than she’d ever seen them.

“Yes, I am.” She nodded, determined. “Thank you, Leia.” She added, trying to keep her voice strong and clear.

“No, thank _you_ , Rey. You’ve been everything I could’ve hoped for, and more.” Leia stretched her arms out over her desk, as Rey leaned forward, grinning as Leia took both her hands in hers, squeezing them a moment before letting them go.

Rey rose from her seat, taking careful steps to the door.

“And Rey,” Leia called out to her, “You are more than deserving of having what you want. Don’t ever forget that.”

Rey’s chest sank as she smiled, both touched and confused, as she gave Leia one last glimpse before she closed the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, the future diplomat 'answers the call to adventure' >:D 
> 
> Had a lot of fun with this interrogation-i mean interview-scene, and Leia and Rey gave me more feels than I expected. Hope you're all enjoying the read! <3
> 
> thank you again to my number 1 supporter, katieitsmee, for being here for me during this writing journey xD.


	3. After Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“What?” Was all that she blurted out, brow pinching together at the whiskey coke before her._  
>  _“From that gentleman up at the bar.”_  
>  _She sighed, here it goes again, the inevitable awkward conversation with whoever it was this time._  
>  _But as her eyes wandered up to where this ‘gentleman’ was, her breath caught in her throat; it was him, it was unmistakably Kylo. He was wearing the same suit she’d seen him in earlier— absent the tie. His wavy, shoulder-length hair framed his scattered freckled face, a pair of bronze eyes locked on hers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just would like to remind everyone that this is a slow burn, and I do intend to make Jane Austen proud.

 

 

Just around the corner—wait, no, wrong way... ah, there it was. The break room.

Rey sighed as she pulled her lunch from the fridge, a chicken salad sandwich. No one managed to ‘accidentally’ eat it today, thank gods, she was starving with it nearly being three o’clock already.

She sat at a little two-seater white top table, alone, as usual. The room wasn’t much larger than Rose’s coffee shop—it was just for their corner of the building, and not too many people used it for lunch anyway. The room had clearly been updated over the years; instead of annoying fluorescents, there were track lights zig-zagging around the ceiling, and ten feet of marble countertops supporting various espresso and coffee machines lined the room. It was a fairly nice upgrade from the little old break room in the Russell Senate Office building, but not as warm. Especially not with all the cold shoulders she was getting around here. She supposed that would change with time; this was still only her first week after all—she shouldn’t expect to be best friends immediately.

She also definitely shouldn’t expect that from her boss. She looked around the room as if he’d suddenly pop through the door, but he was nowhere to be seen. Probably still locked away in his office.

It had already been an insanely busy week, with being introduced to all the various issues she was now to focus on, spending hours every day reading through old reports that Kylo had assigned to her, and having to write her own mockup reports as well. In many ways, it was like being back at Princeton, with all the reading and writing. Only, instead of being graded, and hypothetically being able to do anything about the world issues, she got paid, and... relatively was able to do something about it.

_It was just another step_ , she kept telling herself.

As she continued scarfing down her meal, she was too lost in thought to notice the smell of coffee being made--or the shadow of a man with orange hair waltzing up to her.

“Rey, is it?”

She jumped, but wiped her mouth, attempting for some decorum. She turned to the tall, slender figure, his icy eyes hollow and unreadable.

“Yes, I’m Rey.” She looked up at him expectantly.

“Armitage Hux,” He replied, before taking a drink of his latte. “I’m in charge of Press and Policy Outreach, meaning I have to deal with the Public and how they perceive us, as well as answering questions about the decisions that the State Department makes, and dealing with any messes that it gets itself into.”

“Sounds like you’re doing a good job then, I don’t see the public really even noticing or caring about what goes on here.” 

“And I’d like to keep it that way.” He twirled his stirring straw. “You’re not going to be a problem now, are you?”

She blinked, a crease forming at her brow. But she supposed that was a reasonable question to ask, given the somewhat secretive nature of some of the issues she was now exposed to.

“I don’t intend on leaking any National Security concerns if that’s what you mean.”

“Good. But that’s not the only concern I have to deal with. Just because we are not politicians, does not mean our private lives aren’t looked at as well.”

She frowned. What on _earth_ was he getting at? Was this some sort of threat? And about what? She straightened up in her seat, biting her tongue a moment before responding.

“I’m sure nothing about my life would be interesting enough to be considered a problem, Mr. Hux.” Her tone shifted, no longer a smile in the edge of her voice.

“We’ll see.” He narrowed his eyes, before swiftly turning away. She scowled as she watched him wander off, back to wherever he came from.

Maybe she hadn’t made any friends yet, but she most certainly felt like she’d made an enemy.

After inhaling the rest of her sandwich and snatching a coffee to bring back to her desk, she was once again inside her little office. It was small, just big enough for a desk and a bookcase, but it was her own space—which she wasn’t expecting. It was full of dark woods and dark walls—and desperately in need of some help. So, she'd brought in a few books from home, a photo of her, Finn and Rose out on one of their ‘tourist adventure’ days and a stuffed animal that looked impossibly similar to BB. A small plant sat upon the windowsill by her desk, the portal exposing the busy street below, where the city was alive on this sunny Friday.

Not a moment after she’d just began to get started, her phone buzzed with a message from Finn:

Finn: **Hey! We’re still good for ‘Rey’s first week down celebration’, right? :D**

She grinned as she typed out a response.

Rey: **Definitely. Probably won’t get out of here for a few more hours, what time were you thinking?**

She watched the three little dots hover in motion, and then—

Finn: **Probably like, 8? I was going to take Rose for a bite to eat first if that’s cool?**

Rey: **Yeah, that’s fine, I was wanting to go home and change first anyways.**

She didn’t want to be in this pantsuit and tight bun any longer than she needed to be.

Finn: **Trying to break some hearts tonight?**

Rey: **As usual.**

Finn: **Ha. Well okay, let’s start at Takodana—but you’re going to all the stops tonight, young lady! xD**

Rey: **Lol, alright, alright I said I was down! See you at 8:00.**

She placed her phone down, smiling. She’d been looking forward to tonight. She wasn’t used to not having Finn around all day—constantly by her side in every meeting, working with her on every project. Having him as a coworker was really the first time she’d ever worked with anyone else. She wasn’t exactly the ‘study group’ type in school, and well before that... being solitary would be putting it lightly.

After reading through the rest of her stack of reports and getting quite lost in thought over some of the events and problems they were facing—she squeaked when she realized 3 hours had passed her by.

She needed to turn in a report of her own to Kylo by the end of the day today, and thankfully she didn’t think he’d left yet—he’d surely come looking for her if she hadn’t turned it in, right?

She quickly gathered up her things, strapped her bag over her shoulder, and bounced out to the hall.

It didn’t take her long, just a few paces down, and there it was—the mahogany and smoky glass door was open, a gold plaque beside it reading: Kylo Ren – Lead Foreign Affairs Officer, European/Eurasian Bureau

She strode into the office, knowing by now that an open door meant he wasn’t wanting anyone to bother with knocking. There he was behind his desk, writing down something with his old fountain pen, in his customary ensemble of grey tones and black. She supposed he was fond of dark tones, with the office nearly a cave of deep emerald, only pops of golden brass in the frames around the room and the singular lamp upon his desk.

“Kylo?”

“Yes,” His eyes darted up to her, putting his pen back in place.

“I have that report on the Serbia/Kosovo situation.” She walked closer to him, stretching out to hand the folder over to him.

“Thank you.” He placed it on top of the pile to his left. “I’ll look over it and give you some feedback. Have you been reading those reports on the Balkan region?”

“Yes, very fascinating. I already learned a bit of it, but I certainly am more understanding of... certain things now.”

Kylo nodded. “It’s amazing the lack of information the public, or even scholars are really allowed to have. But good. Next week we’ll get you started on contributing to real-time reporting, but I wanted you to have a bit more specific knowledge on these areas before you do.”

Rey understood. She’d rather have this time to learn instead of jumping right in anyways. Now she wanted to know more, more about what he’s done for the State Department, knowing now how much he was responsible for. She lingered, twirling her fingers with a loose thread on her satchel, before figuring out what else she could bring up to say.

“How did the talk with the Secretary of State go, after the meeting with the Ambassador to Ukraine?”

Kylo’s lips wriggled a bit, a habit she’d started to notice.

“Well.”

She bit her own lip, feeling stupid for constantly trying to talk to this brick wall of a man.

“Right, well is there anything else I can help you with?” She shifted the weight of her bag in her arms, ready to be dismissed, as usual.

But there was a tap on the door behind her, as Bazine peeked her head inside the office. “Sir? Senator Organa is on line one for you.”

Rey couldn’t help the way her head quirked towards the Secretary, or the sharp pinch in her brow as she looked back at Kylo. For the first time she saw his face soften, but in a flash, it went back to its steely mask.

“Tell her I can’t take the call.” He waved his hand, sending Bazine away.

Rey looked down, not at all knowing what to say. Why was her old boss calling her new one— no, no she shouldn’t look at it like that, it was a Senator calling a Foreign Affairs Officer... yeah that was still odd. After a minute, she realized neither of them had said anything; he had his chin in his hand, his face turned to the window. It was possible he forgot she was even there.

“So,” She cleared her throat, “There’s nothing else you need from me today?”

“Sorry—no, no not today.” He sighed, not bothering to look back up to her.

With a quick nod, she turned on her heel and out the door.

“Have a good weekend,” She called back to him, not expecting a response.

 

***********

 

TAKODANA 

The lights flashed brilliantly over the side of the two-story structure, a balcony hanging over a little green door. Rey, in her favorite green dress, scooted inside and on up to the second floor, to a warm room filled with Edison bulbs hung in various ways, a few other young professionals scattered about, and a light vibration bouncing throughout the room. Spotting three stools open at the oval-shaped bar, she hopped on over, her hair flipping as she took a seat.

She grabbed her phone out of her satchel, getting ready to text the group to let them know she’d arrived when—

“Hi there.”

She looked sideways at the man. He had a youthful smile, and bright eyes, with an almost military haircut—yet, the top was much too long and styled for him to be involved.

“Hello.” She responded politely but didn’t do more than turn her head towards him.

He arched a brow at her voice, “Ooh, where are you from?”

“The British accent not obvious enough?” After he blanched a bit, she sighed. “Sorry, it’s just been a long week.”

“No, it’s okay, it’s okay. I was being a little stupid.” He laughed. “Why don’t you let me buy you a drink, and you can tell me a little about yourself?”

To be honest, he was being perfectly pleasant, unlike some of the guys that would come up to her. Maybe he would be someone that was interesting when she got to know him. Maybe something would finally click. But, well, she knew even if she got along with him, this night wouldn’t be ending the way he probably had in mind. Even if she was actually trying to find a date.

“I’m actually just waiting on some friends to arrive, thank you though.”

He nodded, and backed away, returning to a group of people over by the balcony.

Suddenly someone was nudging her shoulder—

“Miss me yet?” Finn’s voice came from her right

“Ugh, gods yes.” She turned to him, embracing him, then quickly jumped up to give Rose a hug too, before they all took their seats beside each other.

“Rough first week?” Rose asked.

“Not terrible, it’s really interesting. I think, well, I guess, I’m doing okay at it. All my boss ever says to me is “Okay” or “Good” then doesn’t even look at me before sending me off to do something else.”

“Well,” Finn started, “what are you expecting him to do? He’s your boss, and not every boss is like Leia. They don’t all want to be your friend or mentor.”

“You’re right... I just, I don’t know. I guess I have to get used to it.” She frowned, a part of her missing Leia a little more than she expected.

“I’m sure you’re doing amazing Rey,” Rose joined in, “he’d tell you if you were doing something wrong—not saying anything much is probably a good thing.”

“Maybe you’re right.” She sighed, but her mind brought up another thought. “There’s something odd that happened today though, Kylo got a call from Leia.”

“Do you know what they talked about?” Finn inquired.

“He didn’t take it.”

Finn let out a puff, “He didn’t take it, he turned down a call from Senator Leia Organa? That’s a gutsy move.”

“But why would Leia be calling a foreign affairs officer in the Bureau of European and Eurasian affairs? Anything she’s working on in Foreign Policy?” That had been the only thing she could think of while trying to figure it out herself. Although, it still didn’t quite make sense, especially not Leia making the call herself; that would be her Foreign Policy Advisor’s job—or even an interns job.

“Hm. No, I don’t think so. You sure it was a call from her?”

“You know any other Senator Organas?” She arched her brow.

“Rey!” A booming voice came from the other end of the bar, where a woman with large, funky glasses and a smile with laugh lines was hurrying over to them—three drinks in hand.

“Did I hear correctly, you have a new job?” She placed the beer, whiskey coke, and vodka sprite in front of them.

“Yes, I do. With the State Department.”

“How exciting,” Maz began, “Ooh, tell me, have you met any ambassadors yet? Any handsome men from far, far away worlds?” A wicked grin flashed across her face.

“Haven’t had that exciting of a week yet, Maz.” Rey chuckled, taking a sip out of the whiskey coke.

“Ha! Oh well, that’s wonderful dear. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of excitement soon enough. Not that being Leia’s assistant isn’t full of its own adventures.”

“Damn right.” Finn raised his beer.

“Love that woman.” Maz sighed, grabbing a few shot glasses. “Anyhow, round of celebratory fireballs? Are you kids hitting up the town tonight?”

“Oh, yes we are!” Rose chimed in, leaning over on Rey, “This one promised we’d stay out late tonight!”

Rey quirked a brow at her but grinned as she reached out for a shot of fireball first. “Well let’s get it started then.”

“Yes,” Finn danced in his seat, as he and Rose joined Rey in clacking their drinks together, ready to be unprofessional twenty somethings for the night.

 

* * *

 

He hadn’t been out to a bar in months. But... he didn’t have the habit of stowing liquor about his house, and tonight he was in need of it.

“What’ll you have?” A man, probably still in his early twenties, asked him from the other side of the bar.

“An old-fashioned.”

The man promptly nodded, as Kylo sat back to review the room. It was both warm and dark at once; the lights in the room only being the hanging bulbs above the bar and the tables against the wall. There were plenty of others around his age about the room, as well as plenty of pretty faces. Maybe if he was in a better mood he would have tried to go up to one of them, but he hadn’t been in the mood for the dating scene lately. He’d grown tired of the meaningless connection, not that he was sure if he wanted anything more, in fact, he was quite sure of that. Yet, it started to lack the excitement it used to bring. So he reached for his drink and didn’t bother to go over to the girl giving way too many wandering looks in his direction, and pouted as his thoughts continue to linger in unwanted places.

Not being but a few feet away from the double doors, he couldn’t help but look up as a rather loud group jaunted in from the street. A beaming man with dark skin led the way in, practically skipping as he turned to say something to the two girls behind him, who both immediately broke out into laughter—one girl in flowy red dress, the other—

Kylo gulped. Placing his drink down sharply. It was _her_. The girl he’d hired last week. She had on an a-line mini dress, the color no doubt bringing out the green in the hazel of her eyes, but they were shut—the waves of her hair falling back as she laughed, her cheeks slightly pinker than he’d normally seen them.

He didn’t pull his eyes from her as she followed behind the other two, to a table just to the right, across the room from him.

She looked... much happier than he’d seen her all week. Well, it was work after all, but... he also knew he hadn’t exactly been overtly welcoming. He just didn’t know how to be. Plus anytime they’d talked, he’d realize he was staring at her for too long and had always had to look away. Another thought that plagued him was he didn’t quite know how to take her: did she know who he really was? Or, at least what he imagined Leia had probably told of him?

Maybe she didn’t know about any of it at all. Maybe he’d been entirely too curt to her, for no good reason.

He took a deep breath. Maybe, it was time he changed that. 

 

* * *

 

She could feel the slight buzz, how everything seemed to be just a little bit funnier, how the words started to become a little less filtered. She’d only had a shot and a couple of drinks, but, that _was_ quite a lot for her-and the way these two wanted their night to go, this was probably not their last stop on their bar hopping adventure.

Before they could even order a drink at their new spot—a bit of a dungeon type place, to be honest—the bartender was walking up to them, with a drink in his hand, and placed it before her.

“Excuse me, ma’am, this is for you.”

“What?” Was all that she blurted out, brow pinching together at the whiskey coke before her.

“From that gentleman up at the bar.”

She sighed, here it goes again, the inevitable awkward conversation with whoever it was this time.

But as her eyes wandered up to where this ‘gentleman’ was, her breath caught in her throat; it was him, it was unmistakably Kylo. He was wearing the same suit she’d seen him in earlier— absent the tie. His wavy, shoulder-length hair framed his scattered freckled face, a pair of bronze eyes locked on hers.

“Well, that’s certainly a tall drink—” Rose waved her eyebrows.

“Hey!” Finn squinted at her, but she rolled her eyes as she shoved him.

“I’m just saying! Rey—Hello, Rey, so what are you waiting for? Come on, just give him a chance!” She pleaded.

“That’s my boss.” She whispered, eyes wide. Rose and Finn exchanged a look.

“I—what do I do?” Rey swallowed, bewildered, and frankly shocked that Kylo was there, and it seemed, wanted to talk to her.

“Well, it’d be rude if you don’t go over to him,” She stated with a matter-of-fact tone.

“But... I don’t know, won’t that be weird?”

“What’s weird about it? It’s just a drink,” Rose nudged Finn, who stammered a bit before responding.

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve had a drink or two with Leia before.”

Rey bit her lip, stealing another glance at Kylo who was still staring.

“Okay, okay.” She groaned, not at all knowing what the hell she was about to talk about with Kylo, and his ever-brooding demeanor.

She straightened herself up as she climbed down from the high top, paced as confidently as she could over to him, but not looking up until he was just a few feet before her.

“Whiskey coke?” She raised her glass, cocking her head. “How’d you know?”

“Just a good guess.” His gruff voice seemed... different. Lighter.

She took a seat next to him, accidentally rubbing her knee against his—but quickly pulling it back. He took a swig of his drink, an old fashioned, which, she could have guessed too.

“To be honest,” She began, her voice ringing out a little louder than perhaps she intended, “I’m surprised to see you out.”

Kylo waved a brow at her, “You mean I don’t come off as a frequent club-dweller?”

“Not in the slightest.” She took a drink.

He shook his drink for a moment, twirling the liquids inside. “To be honest, I was just as surprised to see you walk through that door.”

“We don’t normally go bar hopping, but... well, special occasion.” She shrugged.

“Oh?” He spun his body completely towards her now, “What’s the occasion?”

“The first week done at the new job.” She finally let her eyes wander back to his, finding them to be warmer than she’d become accustomed to.

“Cheers to that.” He raised his drink to hers, as she bowed slightly with the tilt of her head.

“You’ve surprised me this week.” He added quietly.

“Oh?” Rey blinked, leaning into her arm placed on the bar.

“You’re exactly as good as you said you were.” Was that a hint of a smile on his face?

“Well, I said I was capable, not good.”

“I believe you said ‘more than capable,’ but I’ve still misspoken, you’re better than you said you were.”

She couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped her.

“Thank you.” She paused, before peeping back at this Kylo, talking, smiling, even giving compliments to her. She let out a breath, maybe she could actually have a conversation with him after all.

“So, Kylo, there’s something I don’t understand.”

He swallowed, but waited, unabatingly.

“Why does Hux act as if he’s got an incredibly large stick up his ass?” He laughed, well just a chuckle really, but he actually laughed.

“Probably my fault, I’m afraid.” He lamented.

“And what did you do to him?” She squinted, accusingly.

“Nothing to him. Though he seems to take it that way.” He shrugged, before squinting back at her. “There’s also something I don’t understand, Rey. What brought you here? To Princeton, to study American Politics?”

“Well I studied International Relations, but...” She played with her lips for a moment, trying to formulate the best response she could, without the alcohol bringing out too honest of an answer. “I just, I needed to leave... there, where I was. And Princeton, with a full ride, was the best offer I got.”

“Definitely a good offer.” He continued to peer into her, and she had no intention of ending this conversation just yet.

“And," she continued, "Well, studying power dynamics, because that’s the heart of politics, it was just interesting. Seeing how that power can be used—to do good things and terrible things. I wanted to know why things in this world were the way they are, I wanted to know why—” But she cut herself short, maybe he didn’t want to hear all this, “Sorry, going off again.”

“No, continue,” His voice rising, almost as if he was intrigued.

So she started again. “I just wanted to understand this world a little better, but I think I ended up more confused by it. All the wars fought for political reasons, all the lives lost because one country couldn’t allow the other to be as powerful as it was. I just... I wanted to help, cause less of that. Of suffering.”

She turned to face him again; somehow those eyes of his had brought themselves even closer. And _somehow_ , she didn’t want to look away, not even as a moment of silence went between them.

“Normally when people study politics, it’s because they want power, they want to be a politician themselves.” He whispered, but it was plenty loud enough.

She shook her head at the thought, straightening back up in her seat.

“I don’t think I could ever run for office.” She sighed, but not too upset about it.

“No, you’re too honest. You’d be terrible to manage a campaign for.”

She shot a look of disbelief at him, but he only smirked in return.

“I’ve known honest politicians.” She lifted her chin as she took another sip. His eyes pinched ever so slightly as he reached for another drink of his own.

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”

Rey frowned and continued on. “And why are you here, Kylo. What’s your story?” There was that classic lip scramble. His eyes darted away from hers.

“My story... is probably too long to discuss over one drink. But, I used to be in campaign consulting. I got tired of politics. Of... playing the game. I wanted out. And I always enjoyed Foreign Policy most out of all the issues. Joining the State Department seemed like a fresh start.”

“So you didn’t want to be a politician either?” She cocked her head to the side.

Kylo shook his head fervently. “My life has always revolved around politics, it’s what I always knew I’d go into. But no, I never wanted to be a politician.”

Rey wanted to ask more, a thousand questions now bouncing in her head, but she took a drink instead, thinking, wondering. How long was he in campaign consulting? And for what firm? Or what campaigns? What did he mean his life revolved around politics? Ever since he was a child? How could that be... unless, of course, he must come from a family of bureaucrats or politicians—but before she could stop her mind from spinning enough to blurt out one of her questions he interrupted her endless thoughts.

“Well, Rey. I think I’ve kept you from your friends for too long.”

She blinked, following his gaze to Finn and Rose, almost forgetting she’d showed up here with them.

“Right,” She began to stand up, surprised to find her hand in his as he helped her stand straight. She flashed her eyes back up to his before he quickly brought his hand back to his drink.

“Thank you, for the drink. And,” She raised her brow, “for the confirmation that I’d make a terrible politician.”

He grinned. “I meant that as a compliment.”

“I know,” she called back to him, capturing another glimpse of him before returning to the table across the room.

As she got back to the raised table and settle in her seat, she looked up at the two of them to be met with sly smiles.

“You know,” Rose began, “Finn made a very good point earlier; not all bosses want to be your friend or mentor—sometimes they want to be something else.”

Rey rolled her eyes, and yet, she couldn’t stop her mind from sliding through glimpses of their conversation, or her curiosity from wanting to know more about this campaign consultant- turned-foreign affairs officer. She certainly couldn’t help the heat that rose to her cheeks as he caught her eyes once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm maybe Rose has a point there ;)
> 
> thank you for reading! and a HUGE thank you to katieitsmeee for being the best supporter in all this.


	4. Exposé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rey’s lips went tight. “Sure, she’d love to hear all about how she put her neck out to get me this job, just so I could ruin my career by getting with my boss—who, I have no interest in anyway.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _Rose frowned, “So you’re still going with this whole Lizzie—Darcy thing, aren’t you?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And oh, does the plot thicken....

 

   

It had been four weeks since that awkward yet, strangely intriguing night at the bar. Four weeks since Kylo began to crack smiles at her comments made after meetings, four weeks since he initiated ‘good mornings’, four weeks of him, slowly, starting to make her wonder if he wasn’t a terribly cold and empty man after all.

Also four weeks of grueling work, with her being able to finally contribute to his real reports now, and being included on meetings with some very important people. She was still a bit star struck from meeting Secretary Amilyn Holdo just days ago—her warm, gentle nature was not at all what Rey had been expecting. Having Kylo and her in the same room was, well, a contradiction —his iconic dark suit and scowling expression to her light dress, her up-close and personal leading style. Plus it didn’t help that Kylo seemed to have an extra layer of stoicism around the Secretary, probably just trying to appear even more serious than he was already naturally inclined to.

Today was another day with plenty of messages for her to go through, updates from diplomats in Skopje, a report to get started on for next week—but just as she was getting started on her morning routine, she received a message on Hipchat.

**Come to my office, immediately.**

Rey blinked, as the ‘Kylo Ren is typing’ bubble popped up on the bottom of the screen.

**Please.**

She snorted. He was trying. She typed back quickly while getting up out of her seat.

**Be right there.**

She hopped on over to his office, her usual bun up in place—a grey pencil skirt and green sweater on today. She thought she might as well wear her skirt while she still could before the autumn weather went away.

His low voice echoed out into the hall as she approached his doorway. With the door being open, she decided to stride on in.

He was on the phone.

“Yes, yes I understand.” His eyes darted up to her, giving her a slight nod. “At no point will that be mentioned. We will.”

He hung the phone back in place, going to type something on his computer before looking back to her.

“It looks like we’re headed to the British Embassy today.”

“Really?” Rey’s eyes widened, “Western Europe isn’t your usual responsibility.” 

Kylo shook his head, “No, but the lead Officer who is responsible for it is off in Brussels. We are to discuss some concerns with Macedonia. Evidently, our communications between diplomats still aren’t clear enough with the British Ambassador. It’s nothing very serious, more of a formality than anything. And—they tell me who to go to, and I go.”

Rey nodded, a sly smile on her lips. “Well, it’s about time you start showing me the perks of this job.”

“Meeting the Secretary of State not enough excitement?” Kylo arched a brow back at her.

“Afraid I’m hard to please.” She shrugged.

She could have sworn she saw a smirk form across his face, but he quickly turned away to put a few files in his bag.

“Well we’ll need to start heading over there immediately, do you have your things?”

“I’ll go grab my bag.” She responded, already turning to go out the door.

“Oh,” he called out to her, “and if you run into Hux, don’t mention where we’re going. He’ll want to tag along.” He sighed, “One of the oldest alliances we have will be ruined almost the instant he sets foot in there”

“Definitely can’t have that.” She grinned, meeting his eyes once again, a smile finally escaping him as she swung out the door.

**********************

It had been a quiet ride over, with their driver practically droid like—and Kylo going through his phone the entire time. But Rey didn’t mind, she was too busy staring out the window, ogling each embassy they passed by.

Until—there it was.

That red brick exterior, the black iron gates, the hundreds of windows and rows of chimneys— and with large columns that surrounded the front entrance; it certainly seemed like a royal palace left behind from a different time.

After passing the gates, they climbed out of the car to be greeted by a slender, bright golden- haired man waving stiffly at them.

“Hello, how can I be of assistance to you today?”

“I’m Foreign Affairs Officer Kylo Ren,” Kylo pulled out his identification, as the blonde man in a rather outdated plaid suit checked it over.

“Ah, we are expecting you, sir! Welcome, Officer Ren,” he shook Kylo’s hand, and then turned to Rey, “And, I beg your pardon, Miss?”

“Rey Johnson,” she took his hand, “I’m Kylo’s assistant.” 

The man cocked his head so sharply to the side, Rey worried if it’d pop right off. “Ms. Johnson, do forgive me, but is that a London accent I hear?”

Rey smiled, “It is. Good catch.”

“How delightful. I apologize, I am Theodore Percival O’Connell. If you’ll follow me, I can lead you both to His Excellency, Sir Kenobi.”

Rey followed this Theodore Percival O’—whatever, with Kylo and his towering figure just beside her.

If the outside amazed her, it was nothing compared to what awaited her beyond the double doors. Floors of checkered marble stretched out in front of her, impossible detailed walls of wainscot and golden frames on every side of them. O’Connell began explaining the layout of the Embassy, and started blubbering something of something and this or that—but Rey was too busy taking it all in. Crystal chandeliers passed overhead, as they turned to a grand staircase with red carpet tracking up the center.

Rey swallowed as she took in glimpses of the paintings and photos surrounding her, their elegant portrayals of well-to-do folk passing by Hyde Park, of school children in uniforms at some preparatory academy, of finer things and brilliant architecture; it was glimpses of a land she came from, yet as she’d never experienced it.

She felt Kylo’s gaze on her, and flashed her eyes to his, he was standing still—waiting for her. Evidently, she’d stopped walking. She shook her head and hurried forward, not looking back up to him.

“Here we are,” O’Connell exclaimed, holding a large cream door open for them.

The entire back wall of the room seemed to open to the outdoors; where the windows brought in such a large amount of light, Rey nearly had to squint. The space was surprisingly not as decorative as the rest of the building, but just as astonishingly beautiful. Around the large carved desk in front of them, sat a grey-haired man with bright eyes and a well-trimmed beard.

“Sir Kenobi,” O’Connell bowed, “Mr. Kylo Ren and Ms. Rey Johnson are here for you.”

The Ambassador raised his brow, but not unkindly. “I can see that, Theo, thank you.”

With another bow, the man left the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

“Welcome,” Sir Kenobi’s voice rang out to them as he rose from his seat, advancing slowly, but purposefully towards them.

“Kylo Ren is it?” His sharp eyes were locked on Kylo’s; Rey saw the quirk to his bottom lip before he took the Ambassador’s hand outstretched before him.

“Yes, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Your Excellency.” He answered in his usual stiff and curtly fashion.

“Please,” he waved his hand, “call me Obiwan. Or, Ben, if you prefer. As much as I appreciate formalities, I don’t particularly care for them when around friends. And I like to think the U.S. is one of our best friends.”

Before Rey could catch the twitch to Kylo’s eye, or the grind to his jaw, Obiwan had turned to her, commanding her attention.

“Same goes to you, Rey Johnson.” He shook her hand, a strong, yet soft look in his eye.

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Obiwan.” She bowed her head slightly.

“I would certainly like to know more about your story, Rey.” He smiled widely in return, his eyes squinting and scanning hers, “But our duties come first. This way.” He started off, to a door on the left side of the room, just between two bookcases. “I think we’ll be more comfortable in the council room, I prefer a round table, after all.”

Rey turned to Kylo, expecting him to go first. He’d taken on even more of a grimace; his fingers squeezing back and forth between opening and closing into a fist. He caught her staring and quickly let out a breath, before marching off after The Ambassador. Rey frowned, she wasn’t sure why, but she knew his body language enough by now to know that this wasn’t a normal reaction or even his normal nervous ticks. No, something was definitely bothering him.

After many hours, with much back and forth—and many scowling looks from Kylo later—they were finally back in the leather seated sedan.

Kylo let out a sigh she swore he’d been keeping in the entire time.

“That lasted longer than I expected.”

Rey nodded, sighing too. “And they were much different than I expected.”

“Well, they weren’t anticipating someone from their own country working, technically, against them.” He mumbled.

“We’re not against them. And I think the deliberation today certainly proved that.”

He didn’t bother to pull his gaze from the window, but she could feel him roll his eyes from the back of his head.

“An ally is merely a tool, they know that, and they see us in exactly the same way.”

Rey pinched her brow at him. “If our goal is the same, then we’re not on opposing sides.”

“Our goal is only ever for ourselves. We’re not the providers of world peace, and you’d do good to remember that before signing your life away into the ‘second army’, or you might be in for a shock.” He snapped.

Taken aback, she looked him over. He definitely seemed as if the meeting put him in a distressed mood, even though it actually went considerably well—as far as she could tell.

“I understand the first priority is National Security, but I hardly think the missions and everything our diplomats do are only to the benefit of one country alone.” She spoke carefully, but confidently.

Kylo finally turned to face her. The two squinted between the other.

“You may be right.” He conceded. “But be aware of who you work for; it’s the U.S. government you are serving, not any other country.”

Rey scowled, her brows pinching dangerously together, “I’m well aware of what country I’m a citizen of, Mr. Ren,” she ground her teeth to stop herself from raising her voice. “Regardless of my accent.” She snarled, before whipping her head away, her eyes back out the window.

She didn’t look back at him for the rest of the trip.

 

* * *

  

Stupid. He was so _stupid._

He groaned as he turned to face the window, it was early evening, and he’d yet to speak with her since they’d returned to the office. Well, no, they hadn’t spoken since the car.

He brought his hand onto his forehead, leaning into it as he pursed his lips.

She knew what she was getting into, of course she did. He knew that. Maybe there were some things she should be aware of that no rookie would possibly know, but obviously she was aware of what country’s interest she was serving. So why did he snap at her like that?

The look on her face, the fire in her eyes that was masking something else... he knew he’d implied more than he meant.

And all because he was just too busy holding back his own fire inside, one he’d been holding back from the moment Sir Kenobi confirmed he was the Kenobi Kylo had feared he might be. Then he ended up taking it out on her. He shook his head at himself. _Stupid._

“Ahem,” a ringing voice caused his eyes to flitter upwards; to the woman herself. She took a step forward, shoulders square and proud, but eyes diverted away.

“Here’s the report on Skopje. I know you didn’t need it until next week, but I believe it’s ready now.” She handed it to him, barely giving him a glance.

He reached out, carefully taking the folder from her, his lips squirming as he contemplated what to say—but then, she’d already spun on her heel, ready to march out the door.

He jumped up, hitting his knee painfully as he did so, but he didn’t care.

“Rey?” He blurted in a stumbling plea, as she paused, her hazel eyes gradually turning to meet his.

“I apologize for what I said earlier. I had... other things on my mind, and I didn’t think through what I was saying.” She looked away, but he walked around his desk, to face her, to make her see he was sincere.

“I didn’t mean you don’t belong here. I only mean that working in the Foreign Service, like you wish to, can be... challenging, in the sense that a good diplomat is someone who desires to resolve conflict, but at times, the U.S. will decide that resolving a certain conflict is not in the Nation’s best interest.” He paused, trying to scan her unreadable stare. “And for someone who wants to help provide less suffering in the world, there are times when the U.S. will, at best, decide to look away from it, in order to do what it determines is in its best interest. The job is difficult for someone... someone like you.”

She blinked as she looked up at him, her eyes searching his. Finally, her face softened.

“Do you accept my apology?” He asked quietly.

She nodded, a breath escaping her. “You were just saying the truth.”

“I didn’t have to do it as I did.” He shook his head.

“True.” She retorted, an arch to one of her brows.

“I guess I’m still learning the diplomatic technique.” He avowed, his chest rising as he saw that familiar tug at the corner of her lips.

“You’ll get it eventually.” She responded, a playful edge creeping back into her tone.

“Glad to know you have faith in me.” He couldn’t hide the smile on his face this time, as she beamed back up at him, her bright eyes... her alluring lips...

But Kylo nearly jolted as he heard a knock on his door and spotted the orange haired devil from across the room.

“I’ve told you there’s no need to knock if the door is open, Hux.” Kylo exhaled, after leaning back against his desk, as Rey took a step backward as well.

“Apparently there is.” Hux mumbled, but continued, “I expect everything went as planned with Sir Kenobi today? No problems I need to take care of?”

“Of course.” Kylo crossed his arms. The worm really thinks so little of him, doesn’t he? “I did my job, as usual.”

A slight huff, then Hux turned those steely eyes on Rey. Kylo ground his teeth, glowering at Hux until he marched back out into the hall.

“So, I’m assuming that’s all for today?” Rey spoke up, her voice a little hesitant.

He shifted his gaze back to her, her hands twirling together as she waited for him.

“Yes, I think we’ve had an eventful enough day.”

She nodded, her eyes wandering over him. He caught the rosiness rising in her cheeks before she turned away.

“Have a good weekend,” She called back to him, giving a quick smile.

He smirked, watching her hips swing away from him, “You too.”

 

* * *

 

“You met with Kenobi?” Finn stopped sipping his iced chai, leaning over the wooden table.

Rey lifted her chin and taunted him, “It’s His Excellency, Sir Kenobi,” then took a sip out of her chocolate cappuccino. She knew that was Finn’s thing, he loved meeting ‘very important people’.

Finn squinted then rolled his eyes, “You fancy British folk and your fancy words.”

“Hey, I’ve been an American for years now,” she gave him a shove, “and fancy? I wouldn’t know anything about that.” She laughed.

“Well go on, tell me about the Embassy—I know that place must have been a Palace.”

“It practically was. I was half expecting the Queen to pop around every corner.”

Finn brought his shoulders back, then started on with a horrifying ‘British’ accent, “Oh heavens me, Cheerio dearie”

Rey squinted and threw her head to the side, blinking in confusion, “Did you... did you just try to impersonate the Queen of the United Kingdom, by improperly using the term ‘cheerio’?”

“Right, yeah she probably doesn’t say that”

“No—and especially not to say _hello_.” Rey shook her head, letting out a few chuckles.

She looked around at the coffee shop, sighing in relief. For a Saturday morning, it wasn’t too busy, but still, her and Finn had taken the only spot open, the horseshoe booth, tucked inside a little bay window. The Flour & Rose was their own hideaway in the city, especially since they tended to get free goods from the owner.

Speaking of which, Rose was hurriedly bounding out from behind the counter, a few pastries in hand.

“Ahh sorry—we got a bit of a rush back there. I’m back.” She climbed in, across from Rey. Finn scooted a little closer to her, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek as she put the plate of delectable pastries in front of them.

“Guess who Rey met this week? His—His Supremacy, Sir Kenobi” Finn said in between bites.

“Excellency,” Rey blurted out, along with a couple of pieces of her éclair.

“Who?” Rose giggled at the two of them, each obviously incapable of eating in a decent manner.

“The British Ambassador,” Finn replied.

“Ooooh fancy,” Rose responded, wiggling her eyebrows.

“That’s what I said!” They both looked at each other, bright smiles echoing the other.

Rey shook her head but continued to stuff her face with the rest of the cream-filled treat.

“Bet you’re glad you accepted that interview offer now, aren’t you?” Rose gave her a look, a very, I-told-you-so look.

“The job is definitely getting better. And Kylo... he’s getting better too.” Rey sighed, a smile still on her face.

Rose leaned forward, placing her head in both of her hands. “Oh? Do tell.”

Rey rolled her eyes.

“Oh come on, you can’t honestly tell me, that after that night at the bar, and that Disney princess-esque ahhh you just did, that you have no feelings for him?”

“Rose! He’s my boss and I—well I, I don’t think of him that way.” She shook her head fervently, but looked out the window, swallowing.

“Sure. I believe you.” Rose arched her brow but just took a drink from her tea.

Rey turned to Finn, “Come on, help me out here.”

“Well I mean, if you say you don’t like him you don’t like him—”

“There.” Rey jabbed at Rose.

“—but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.” He added, slurping at his chai latte.

Rey groaned.

“Anyways, Finn, are we still going to carpool to Leia’s fundraiser later?” 

“Oh yeah definitely. She’s really looking forward to seeing you again by the way.”

Rey smiled softly, “I am too.”

“I’m sure she’ll want to know all about your new prospective boy toy too.” Rose chimed in.

Rey’s lips went tight. “Sure, she’d love to hear all about how she put her neck out to get me this job, just so I could ruin my career by getting with my boss—who, I have no interest in anyway.”

Rose frowned, “So you’re still going with this whole Lizzie—Darcy thing, aren’t you?”

Rey gave up. No matter how hard she tried, it seemed, she wasn’t going to convince Rose that she absolutely, did NOT have any feelings for Kylo. Certainly not. Not even a little.

But she couldn’t deny that she started to notice not only the movement of his lips but the way they pouted in... a somehow intriguing way. And she couldn’t refute the way her heart had unexpectedly pounded as he looked deeply, sincerely, into her eyes yesterday afternoon. Or the way her eyes had wandered over the rest of him, wondering about things she hadn’t ever really wondered before.

But that didn’t mean anything. Certainly not. Nothing.

*************

It was a beautiful evening, the horizon filled with shades of orange fading to purple. Drabbles of sparkling stars just waiting their turn to take up the sky.

Washington was the most beautiful at this time of day, the shadows and lighting gave color to this monochromatic marble clad city. Up here, on a rooftop near Farragut Square, the White House was just visible, tucked away on its lawn. The monument, of course, was visible from the distance—it being the only building taller than the 130-foot height limit. Of which Rey was sure this building was right at that threshold.

“Rey,” She turned, seeing the Senator, adorned in a brilliant sapphire dress, gliding up to her. “I’m so happy you were able to make it.”

“Me too,” Rey began, as she was quickly pulled in to a warm embrace—both women careful not to spill their glasses of wine on the other.

Leia looked her over, “That is a lovely dress, purple looks good on you, Rey.”

“Thank you,” Rey smiled widely, she’d rather liked the dress too, its light and flowy skirt, the straps that appear to cross over the front of her like a wrap, it was comfortable too.

Leia walked closer to the rooftop railing, Rey following suit.

“I wanted to thank you again, with all your help you did on this project in particular.” Leia beamed up at her. 

“I was just doing my job, and it seems it’s still going rather well?”

“Finn has made sure that this has still been one of our top priorities as far as charitable organizing. He knows; we both know this was a bit of your baby to work on.”

Rey smiled as Leia leaned an arm against the railing beside her.

“Now, I know this probably isn’t the place, but I want to hear all about your new life. Any exciting developments I should be aware of?”

Rey quirked a brow, “If you mean top secret clearance level developments, you know I can’t tell you.” She grinned. “But, I did get to meet with Secretary Holdo last week—and Sir Kenobi yesterday.”

“I’m happy you got to meet with them. Ami is an old friend of mine. A remarkable woman. And Obiwan... well, I haven’t actually met him until more recently, but he’s of an old family friend. Of sorts.” She paused, those vibrant eyes searching Rey for a moment before she continued. “How’s the rest of the job going? Kylo Ren treating you well?”

Rey didn’t bother to ask how she knew his name, it seemed she knew everyone. And of course, evidently spoke to him on the phone... if he ever picked up, anyway.

“He’s... well it’s different than working with you.” Rey tapped her free hand against the glass she held in the other.

“I imagine.” Leia continued to sip on her glass of champagne, waiting expectantly. So Rey continued.

“At first I thought he was just a stuck-up asshole. Some days I still think that.”

She was surprised to hear Leia chuckling beside her, and grinned to herself as well.

“But,” she continued, “I think he’s just hard to read. He’s always proving to me he’s different than I thought he was the day before.” She pinched her brow, still confused herself of what she made of him. She looked away as she took a sip out of her glass of rosé.

“And how does he do that?” Leia inquired.

Rey shrugged. “He compliments me.”

“Compliments you?”

Rey turned to Leia, finding an arched brow and big brown eyes peering into her.

Rey shook her head, stumbling to respond. “Oh, I just mean... appreciates my work, says encouraging things. Instead of pretending I’m a nobody who knows nothing... completely professional, of course.”

Leia leaned in closer, speaking to Rey’s ear, “Then why are you blushing?”

Rey darted her eyes to Leia’s, but her lips wouldn’t form a word. Leia laughed to herself, “I won’t tell a soul, Rey. But you should probably learn to at least have a better poker face.”

“We—I—nothing has happened—"

“Oh, I know that.” She waved her hand. “Again, you’re easy to read—to me, at least.”

Rey frowned, her eyes blinking and shifting rapidly at what to say, but before she could—

“Leia,” Finn, in a dashing purple blazer, had strode up quickly to them “Sorry, but one of the donors was wanting to have a word with you? It’s Akbar.”

“Ah, yes I should get back to my duties, shouldn’t I?” She gave Rey another look before she left, “Now don’t go and leave just yet, I still have more I want to talk about.”

“Of course.” Rey swallowed but gave a small smile.

“Sorry, gotta go too,” Finn muttered, before whipping around to follow behind Leia, who was already clearing a path back into the main deck area.

Rey finally let out a loud sigh, sipping a rather large swig of her drink. But not a minute later, she was interrupted yet again.

“Nice evening isn’t it?” A croaky voice came from behind her.

Rey blinked, then swiveled around—a bald man, possibly in his late fifties, in a long decorative coat stood hovering in the shadows. There was something... unpleasant in the look of his eye.

“Oh, yes. Leia chose a great location.” Rey replied politely, beginning to turn away again.

But he pushed forward, placing himself beside her.

“I don’t believe we’ve met before. I’m Vilhelm Snoke. The head of First Order Consulting.”

Rey nodded, recognizing the firm name. It was one of the largest campaign consulting firms in D.C. and had a notorious reputation—for both winning, and its use of some unsavory tactics.

“Rey Johnson, I’m an intern at the State Department.” She replied but took another drink instead of reaching out to shake his hand.

“Interesting,” he tilted his head, “I assumed you were a pupil of Leia’s.”

Evidently, he’d been watching her and Leia. Not at all a creepy and weird thing to do. But Rey continued on, having had dealt with worse conversations than this.

“Used to be. Helped a bit with this project, actually.”

“And now you’re helping our State Department solve world conflict; a true renaissance woman.” For some reason he hadn’t taken his eyes off her, and not in any flattering way. 

“I suppose.” She responded shortly. But he just continued to stand there. _What does it take to get a hint anymore?_ She didn’t know why she was so averse to him, he just... lingered, and there was something about him, she didn’t want to be left alone near him. She grimaced as he cleared his throat again.

“Do you happen to know Kylo Ren?”

Rey couldn’t help but flash her eyes to him.

“Well yes, he’s my boss.”

A sneer flashed across his face. Rey immediately wondered if she shouldn’t have said that.

“What a coincidence, he used to work for me, you know.”

Rey pinched her brow. Well... he did say he used to be in consulting. But with this guy? No wonder he left him.

Then Snoke suddenly shifted, turning his body back around to face the party, before he called out to someone behind them.

“You’ve put on quite a show for everyone tonight, Senator Leia.”

Rey quickly pivoted around—to Leia, who had on a look she usually only reserved for her staunchest of rivalries.

Leia lifted her chin, not a trace of a smile across her face. “I hardly consider an event raising funds for our homeless children a ‘show,’ Snoke.”

Both Leia and Snoke slowly rose their glasses, each taking a careful drink. Rey gulped as Snoke shot a look in her direction.

“You know, Rey was just telling me here, that she’s Kylo Ren’s new protégé, and that she used to be yours,” he laughed, a heartless, hollow sounding noise. “What a scenario that is, one I certainly never could have _constructed_.”

Leia’s lips were in a thin line. “Thank you for your donations, Snoke, they are well appreciated.”

“Overstated my welcome, I see. I rather hoped we could put the past behind us?” Snoke sighed dramatically. “It’s just politics, after all, nothing personal. Although, I understand the confusion between the two, in this case. What happened between you two, it must have felt like being stabbed in the back, and I assume you blame it on me, instead of him.” He then stalked closer to Leia, “I imagine it’s not easy, family entanglements, and for that, I do apologize.” But there was no sign of remorse on that face.

Rey frowned as she looked away, her eyes shifting.... Him... Snoke meant _Kylo_ didn't he?... family entanglements? Rey’s brows pierced together as she slowly brought her eyes to Leia’s—Rey blinked again, at Leia’s dark, yet warm, amber hinted eyes. Her mouth dropped suddenly, her face faltering as she realized--

“Like you said, it’s just politics, a game I’m familiar with as well, Snoke.” Leia sharply replied, not yet looking back at Rey.

“That you are.” He began to stroll away, but not without another unwelcome glance over to Rey. “And you, Rey, I do hope the best for your career.”

With that, he finally left, but Rey continued to stare in bewilderment at Leia, until finally, she met her eyes.

Leia took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”

Rey swallowed, nodding briskly, before trailing her indoors, inside a private dining area. A single dark wood table filled the room.

Leia strode over to the window, the fading light outside barely making it inside. Rey didn’t follow her, she stood frozen beside the door.

“Kylo.... he’s your son isn’t he.” She breathed, searching Leia’s face.

Leia smiled sheepishly, well, as sheepishly as Leia could.

“Yes. Yes, he’s my son. But the name I gave him was Ben.”

Rey didn’t know what to say. She wasn't angry... why would she be? It’s not like Leia had to tell her... but... _why_ hadn’t she? Why hadn’t _he_? And _Ben_? And what was Snoke going off about? It was all too much, the questions jumping around in her head.

“How—I don’t understand.” Rey shook her head, unable to sort out anything else from her brain.

“Well, about 30 years ago—”

“Leia,” Rey quickly cut in, flustered. “I’m familiar with how one has a child, I’m asking how I didn’t know, how, how I’ve never heard you speak of him, how he’s never mentioned you, how he’s become Kylo—” She threw her hands up in the air, exasperated.

But Leia just calmly took a seat. “Will you come sit down with me?”

Rey nodded after a moment, carefully striding over to pull out a chair beside her. Then Leia began.

“The whole story is not something I can give you, because I don’t believe I know it all. But... as you may now know, Ben used to be a campaign consultant for FO Consulting. He had a special talent for it,” She smiled slightly, a shimmer in her eye. “Even when he was younger, he had a keen eye for what would make a good candidate, and how to make that candidate get noticed for who they were. When he joined with Snoke, well... we had already become a bit distant. But then, in my race, about 5 years ago now, Snoke’s firm was leading the campaign against me.” 

Rey swallowed, taking it all in, as Leia continued.

“Ben was, of course the talented consultant he was, put on the campaign as well. While of course that’s an uncomfortable situation, I wasn’t at all upset about it, or with him. It’s his career. I know he was only doing what he had to.”

“And,” Rey slowly asked, “what did he do, exactly?”

“You may recall that my father had caused some international problems in his day, international political problems. To an extent where I don’t even go by his last name, and I never have.”

Rey nodded, it was coming back to her now, the ‘leaks’ on Anakin Skywalker. Rey had still been only a freshman in college when the big new story hit. Leia had never wanted to discuss it, so she’d practically forgotten the whole story.

“Well, it didn’t work,” Leia shrugged, “but, it wasn’t a story anyone, not even Snoke, could have known. Not anyone that wasn’t in the family. We had made sure of that, my brother and I.” Leia frowned.

“He... gave out a family secret... for his career... and to win a campaign against you?” Rey growled, a flash of anger rising in her.

“Yes, but shortly afterward, he quit.” Leia sadly looked up at her, her next words quieter than before. “And hasn’t spoken to me since.”

Rey kept silent for a while—with too many thoughts and too many flashes of feelings surging through her, she needed to just, think. And Leia... she seemed more open, more raw than she’d ever seen her. Rey wasn’t sure if she should push that.

Her thoughts went back to Kylo. Or... Ben. She could feel the heat hit her cheeks this time. But it was a heat of anger, of feeling like he somehow betrayed her. That he’d lied to her, not even going by his real name... not even mentioning to her after the weeks she’d been with him now, who his mother was. She glowered to herself as she thought of how she had been thinking of him earlier... and wanting to know more about him... and now that she did, now that she knew what he’d done to his own family... she ground her teeth.

“He probably quit because he was embarrassed it didn’t work,” Rey spoke through pursed lips.

“Maybe.” Leia sighed, “Maybe it’s something else. I didn’t explain all this to you, because I don’t want our family drama getting in the way of your future. He’s a bright man. And, I believe, still a good one. I know he can help you. And maybe... you can help him.”

Rey turned sharply to Leia but was met with such a hopeful stare, that she held back the words she was about to say. Still, Rey frowned, shaking her head before looking away again.

“I don’t see how I could help someone who’d betray their own family.” 

“I understand, I do, Rey. But... don’t let this affect your job. It is still a great opportunity for you, regardless.”

She wasn’t sure Leia  _did_ understand, but she didn’t call her on that. She looked over and out the window, eyes fixed on thoughts instead of the world outside.

“No, I won’t do that. But I’m not doing a lick more of work until he’s honest with me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> & she was JUST starting to have to confront her FEELINGS. *sigh* one step forward, then a giant leap back? DAMN YOU SNOKE. Maybe space/state department Darcy shouldn't have got so cocky watching her blush in front of him, he may be in for a rude surprise Monday morning...
> 
> thank you for reading!!! and as always, thank you to @katieitsmee for being the best supporter/beta in this!!! <3


	5. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _If he hated how she was looking at him before, it was nothing to how much he loathed the way her face faltered in front of him now. Too many emotions had flown across her face for him to read them all, but he’d felt the breath she took in as if a knife had hit her in the side._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something I'd like to point out: there will be a mention of a character's death, I wanted to warn anyone who may need that. 
> 
> otherwise, *all on board the Ben Solo pain train*

 

 

Ben Solo. That was his name. His real name. She’d spent all of Sunday huddled up in her little apartment researching everything she could find on the Campaign, on Snoke, on ‘Kylo Ren’. Evidently, Kylo had done a fantastic job of hiding his ties to Leia, nothing on anything about him suggested his real identity. There weren’t even any _photos_ of him as ‘Kylo’, miraculously.

But she finally found his name. An older article on newly elected New York State Representative-turned US Senator, Leia Organa, included a photo of her with her 18-year-old son, Ben. Ben Solo. Then, of course, searching for Ben Solo was rather easy, but not very telling. Evidently, they’d worked hard to keep their private lives private, other than his academic ventures. _Ben Solo, Senator Leia Organa’s son, starts college at NYU in the fall_ … _The Senator’s son leaves New York to start at Yale law school_... then, it’s as if he vanishes.

As for Snoke… well, she was right to feel uncomfortable around him. She knew by word of mouth the kind of campaigns F.O. Consulting was notorious for, but not to the extent of the kind of scandals happening, and evidently, accused blackmailing that Snoke had been a part of.

And Leia; Leia and her brother had evidently been adopted. They didn’t know about their own father until much later on, according to Leia when confronting the accusations against her. Rey had no idea…

This Kylo had _Leia_ as his mother, Leia, the woman she had looked up to so much over the past several months, the woman who had done more for her than anyone had in her entire life. She couldn’t help the heat of jealousy that was normally kept at bay, or the anger at him having just shoved it all away.

She smacked her laptop shut, as BB continued to purr loudly beside her. The sun had set hours ago, the only light in the room was illuminated from the lamp on her nightstand.

Tomorrow was going to be beyond exhausting, she could already feel it.

Rey groaned, not wanting to even get up to change into pajamas. Or make BB move. So, she went ahead and yanked the old chain of the gold and white lamp, taking a deep breath to steady her thoughts; his name still hovering in her mind.

 

* * *

 

_“I want you to tell me your real name.”_

He stared at her, his bottom lip pushing and falling from the top one, as trembles of anxiety seeped through the rest of his body. He wasn’t sure, but she might have said that sentence twice already.

But Rey just stood there, waiting, her face almost an unreadable mask, except for the daring glare in the corner of her eye.

“I take it you know it’s not Kylo Ren.” He finally spoke, as steady as he could.

Rey marched forward, her black pantsuit sharply contrasting from her white blouse, her loose hair swiftly bouncing with each step.

“No. It’s not.” She crossed her arms, halting in front of his desk. He swallowed as she looked between his eyes, waiting, expectantly. But he didn’t answer. So she did.

“It’s _Ben Solo._ ” She jabbed.

He ground his teeth as if ice had been dumped onto him.

“What else do you know?” he asked carefully, slowly, bracing himself for whatever it was she was going to throw at him next.

“Everything I need to.” She spat back at him.

He frowned, squinting up at her, as she continued to scowl at him, disgust and anger across her face. He quickly looked away, raising a hand to his forehead before taking a deep inhale.

“And what is that?” He swallowed, lowering his hand.

“I know you betrayed your own mother, your own _family_ to get some bonus points with your boss, I know you refuse to even speak to Leia, even though she… even though she obviously still wants to speak to you.” She paused, a flash of… hurt? in her eyes, before they returned to their glower. “And you don’t seem to be denying it.”

“I don’t.” He whispered.

“Then why did you lie to me?” She asked, sighing exasperatedly.

He shot his eyes to hers. “I didn’t.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes to the side. _But he didn’t._

“When are you accusing me of lying to you?” He implored.

“Well introducing yourself as ‘Kylo’ would be a good start.”

He shook his head, “That’s not a lie, that’s the name I’ve gone by since I took on that position with Snoke.” _And why did that matter so much?_

But Rey just stared incredulously, shaking her head back at him.

“But it’s _not_ your name. And that’s not all—you, you acted like you just left consulting because you wanted to try something more rewarding, not because you were running away with your tail between your legs!”

With a jolt, he was up from his seat. He moved quickly around to her, not taking his eyes off hers as he towered above her.

But she only raised her chin upwards, her stance unwavering.

“I didn’t lie to you then either. I did leave because I was tired of it. You think I like what I did? You think I wanted to hurt her?” He couldn’t help the crack in his voice with that last question.

A slight shift in her brow, her hazel eyes searching between his, but she said nothing.

“And still, you’re wrong. You don’t know everything.” He swallowed, as he shook his head once again at her.

“Then tell me.” She breathed, taking a step closer to him, those eyes widening as they continued to stare into his. He narrowed his eyes at her, at how dark that hazel had turned.

“Why?” He cocked his head, “Am I really expected to tell you my entire life story? Is that what all bosses do for their employees?” He then stepped forward, daringly close now, his voice turning into a smooth hum, “Why do you want to know, Rey?”

Hesitation flashed through her eyes, just as a flush of scarlet touched her cheeks. She backed away, not taking his challenge.

“I want to know what kind of man I’m working for. That’s all.” But her head shook in a contradictory fashion.

He huffed, having enough of this conversation, of having her act as if all she wanted was to know the man she worked for, acting as if she hadn’t blushed in front of him nearly every day, that she’d never hinted at the other possible interests she’d had for him. And he’d certainly had enough of her glaring at him with that _look._

“Fine.” He growled, “Maybe I should ask the same of you. Tell me, Rey, what about _your_ family, you’ve never mentioned them either.”

If he hated how she was looking at him before, it was nothing to how much he loathed the way her face faltered in front of him now. Too many emotions had flown across her face for him to read them all, but he’d felt the breath she took in as if a knife had hit her in the side.

“There’s nothing to tell.” Her voice was impossibly too small for her, it made him grind his teeth. She swallowed again, before slowly looking back up at him. “Unlike you, I’ve never had them begging to be in my life. Even though I wish they had.”

His face fell, but he didn’t stop her as she turned away. He just stood still, his eyes staring into space, his fists clenching as he tried to stop the rising heat in his body. At the loathing he had become all too familiar with, the kind that spiraled inside of him, the kind that made him want to punch himself in the gut until maybe he had enough pain to satisfy it.

“But you’re right.” Her hollow voice called over to him from the doorway, “Your family problems aren’t my place, you’re just my boss. And I’ll just go do my job.”

And with that, he felt she’d tossed the knife back at him, as he deserved.

*************************************

The rest of the week went by at a glacial pace. A piece of guilt tugged at him every time she’d come into his office, her eyes darting from his as she spoke in a distant voice. She’d mostly walled herself up in her little office, and half of him wanted to barge on in and apologize, not for his past—(he was already trying to rewrite his own life, wasn’t that obvious?)—but for whatever it was that made her mask fall for a fraction of a second, that caused that flash of misery in her eyes he hadn’t expected to see, not on her.

So as Friday evening rolled around, and as she didn’t have to turn in anything to him today, he wasn’t surprised when he stopped by her office and she was already gone for the day. Maybe not surprised, but that didn’t stop him from berating himself again under his breath, or hitting the wall before stomping his way out of the building.

He let out what was probably the hundredth frustrated sigh of the day as he started up his car, the engine growling as he winded his way through the city. A frantic beat blasting the speakers, words of ‘ _I gave my everything, for all the wrong things… oh this has become hell… beneath the ghosts of all my guilt…’_ popping out, echoing over and over again throughout the song, throughout his head. He jammed his jaw shut, hurriedly punching off the audio button.

A dizzy blur of streets and cars later, there it was. The updated, ‘dream’ capitol hill townhome of his, with a garage beside the stoop, and the new modern facade. The three-story & three-bedroom house was much too big for just him, even with how much space he seemed to take up. It no longer seemed like a ‘dream’ home to him.

He shuffled his way out of the car, up the stairs and through the door. The air was cold, as always, a bit dark as the drapes were boarding up the windows. He dropped his bag, not particularly caring where it landed, and threw his jacket over a chair, before plopping onto the massive black leather couch.

After a few moments of steady breathing, of trying to turn his thoughts to anywhere, and anyone else but the people… or person they were on, he clicked his way through some Netflix shows, trying to find something, anything. But he just kept clicking.

He might have gone through the entire library before finally giving up, succumbing to the silence of the room.

Finally, he yanked himself up from the couch, up the stairs to his master suite. Not much was in there, a large bed with red linens, but no art, no photos… except for the ones he kept in the nightstand in front of him, hidden away from view.

He swallowed as he pulled open the drawer, pausing before bringing the top photo closer to view. He hadn’t done this in a while, taking a glimpse at his past. And his heart beating to a faster rhythm reminded him of that. It’d been so long now… yet it felt like a chain he could never let go of. He let out a little breath as he softly fell onto the bed, still holding the photo of a sandy-chestnut haired man, a big shaggy dog, and a much, much younger, and much happier version of him _._ It was him, after all, at least before… everything. Maybe this Ben Solo would have been someone Rey wouldn’t have looked at with disgust, maybe this Ben Solo wouldn’t have ever made her walk away, hiding in pain.

After a few deep breaths, he realized he had to tell her. He had to tell her everything.

 

* * *

 

_Vzzzzt, vzzzzt…_

She sighed, she had told Rose she didn’t feel like going out tonight, but went ahead to reach for her phone across the couch from her.

But it wasn’t Rose.

**_Incoming call: Kylo Ren_ **

Rey stared at the screen, her heart skipping, her mind telling her to ignore the call. But she couldn’t.

“Yes,” She hesitated, completely unsure of why she even answered.

“Can I talk to you?” His voice… it was so broken, so raw she couldn’t stop her chest from sinking. She frowned, trying to think of the right response.

“Yes,” She said again, a new type of hesitancy to her voice as bewilderment crept up through her.

“Can I talk to you… in person?” He tried again, clarifying his request.

She pinched her brow, “What do you want to talk about?”

“Everything.”

She blinked rapidly, looking around her apartment, and then closing her eyes, shaking her head at herself.

“I’ll send you the address to my place.”

A pause before he responded, “Thank you,” He sounded relieved but still desperate.

She nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see her, then hung up the phone—jumping up from her couch.

Did she really just invite him over? Him? Her boss? The guy she could hardly even look at this week, after the embarrassment of that regrettable confrontation? She hadn’t known what she’d expected to get out of it going in but certainly didn’t expect what happened. She’d been debating all week if she should just quit.

It had been harder than she thought it would be, just trying to do her work without letting her emotions cloud over it. She still just didn’t understand, even though she wanted to.

But she _didn’t_ want to know why she almost leaned into him as he’d brazenly took that one step closer to her, his body mere inches from hers…

And yet, the way he’d lashed out at her, well she’d say it was uncalled for, but, he had no idea. Now she was just left more perplexed than before, and with uncomfortable chagrin.

Maybe she just needed to hear him out. Maybe that’s why she invited him over to her place, at 9:00 at night. She hurriedly changed out of her baggy knit sweater into something a little less “I’ve been hanging out on the couch all night without my pants on”. She settled on some blue joggers and a light dolman sleeve sweater, still comfortable, but decidedly more presentable.

After waiting, and waiting, for what seemed like hours—yet, it was probably only 20 minutes—there it was, the knock she was waiting for.

She took one more calming breath before unlocking the door; slowly, she traced her eyes upwards, finally into his. To her surprise, there was a redness there, one that made her throat unexpectedly tighten.

She opened the door wider, allowing him to come in, his broad and towering frame making her tiny little studio feel immediately more cramped.

“So…” Rey cleared her throat, as she took a seat within the corner of her creamy L shaped sofa, as he took the seat to the left of her. “What’s ‘everything’?”

He sat in silence for a moment, his elbows in his lap; he’d changed since work—a black knit tee and dark jeans. It was odd, seeing him out of his usual attire, and her not being in hers. It felt… exposed.

Finally, he began.

“It’s all a long story. I guess… I should start with when I was in law school. I had never wanted to go. It was just expected of me. Expected that I would go the typical route that so many do who want to become politicians. But I never wanted that.” He shook his head, his eyes moving, looking off to somewhere else, as Rey kept her gaze on him.

“At one event I was at of my mother’s, I ran into Snoke. We talked about campaign consulting, and a possible future career for me at his firm. My mother… she wasn’t ecstatic for it and Luke… my uncle… he couldn’t make it through a lecture without calling me out in class about it—he was also my professor, back then.”

He swallowed, squinting at something before continuing.

“But my dad… my dad knew I never wanted to go to law school. He supported my decision to drop out, much to my mother’s dissatisfaction. When I started working with Snoke, we worked on campaigns all across the country, and it required a lot of traveling. Before long, it had been a year or so since I’d seen any of them in person. I don’t think Luke really cared, and my mom was preoccupied as well, but, my dad—” He moved his jaw, “he wanted to change that. So, we went on a trip to our family cabin, just him and me.”

He closed his eyes, turning his head downwards as he took in a deep breath. Rey could feel it coming, whatever it was, she knew this wasn’t something he could easily talk about.

“And… that’s when we got into a car crash.” He spoke quietly, opening his eyes again. “I made it out mostly fine, a wound in my side, this scar across my face,” He paused again, his face faltering.

Her eyebrows turned upwards, as she looked over that etching from above his right eye and over his cheekbone, her chest squeezing tightly.

“But, he…” his lips floundered, as Rey’s body froze as she guessed what he was about to say,

“He died.” His voice cracked.

She turned her own eyes down to the rug in front of her, swallowing heavily, trying to control herself and the emotions she felt vibrating from him.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered, before bringing her eyes back up to his, but he looked away, nodding.

After a moment, he began again.

“After that… I don’t know, I just tried to get lost in my work. And I did. When Snoke put me on that campaign against my mom, I hadn’t spoken to her since…” He trailed off, but soon continued, “I didn’t feel like I had a choice either. Snoke had me convinced I wasn’t good for anything but what I did, and that I was useless for anything else.”

Rey braced her jaw, anger towards that villain of an old man rising in her head--

“I’m not trying to make excuses, I know what I did was wrong. And I regretted it the _moment_ I handed the information over, but I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror anymore, but somehow… somehow, I left. It took everything I had in me to leave, with him having me thinking of myself like he did, but I _left._ ” He paused, those eyes wide, searching hers, a hesitant plea of understanding.

And she did. She _did_ understand, more than he knew.

“And when I left,” He continued, “I was going to go over to my mother’s place. But I was met by Luke.” His voice hardened, an edge of both fear and anger creeping into it, “And he made sure I knew I was _never_ welcome back again. He told me how I’d become someone else entirely, he told me every fault I already knew I had, and I couldn’t take that. Not after I’d already been made to feel worthless by Snoke, I couldn’t take it again by him.”

He shook his head, pursing his lips. She continued to stare back at him, her brow softening. Finally, she was getting the glimpses of him she needed, the pieces were beginning to click.

He steadied a moment, leaning forward, his knee rubbed against hers, but she didn’t move.

“I’ve been trying… to find my place again. Without work, without them, I felt like everything had slipped out from under me.” He paused, “while my mom does try to call me now and then… I just can’t. I can’t do that again. I can’t have her look at me the way he did, like he didn’t see anything worthwhile left in me. Like I was some sort of… monster.” His eyes shifted at that word as he peered into her, a flicker of shame being held at bay.

Rey could feel herself melt as he bore his eyes into hers, so open, so raw as if she was just now seeing him for the first time.

“But you’re not a monster.” She breathed.

She didn’t, nor couldn’t, stop her hand from sliding over to his, or the gasp that escaped her as his hand intertwined with hers; it was a simple thing, and yet, it was everything.

Her mouth fell open, waiting, as his brow trembled slightly, his lips parting as well. She was being pulled into him, her body magnetizing to his, as finally, they fell into each other, embracing the other’s lips for the first time. She let go of his hand, only to grip him against his thigh; his hands, large, but soft, wrapped around her, pulling her closer, off the edge of her seat, and over closer to him, as they continued to move their lips. The once soft and slow embrace now a hasty and rough devour.

For one tumultuous moment, they both fell under the spell of temptation and need. Her heart hammered madly before her mind finally snapped into play—she forced herself to break away from him, taking a few heavy breaths, as he did too, their eyes too close and out of focus.

She leaned her forehead down, against his.

“We can’t,” She moaned, swallowing and breathing, closing her eyes in an attempt to bring herself out of the daze and frenzy that just happened.

“I know…” He whispered back to her, gently, “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, dragging herself away from him.

“I’m not.” She heard herself say before those dark eyes began to desperately draw her back in. “But we can’t.”

He nodded, slowly, then achingly leaned away from her as well. They both looked away for a few heartbeats to settle themselves.

“I didn’t come over here to do that.” He spoke up, abashed, “I don’t want to ruin any opportunities for you. I just had to tell you, I couldn’t stand the way you looked at me earlier. I… I shouldn’t have said that; I shouldn’t have asked about your personal life like that,” His eyes fluttered, almost beggingly between hers.

She swallowed, her eyes stinging a bit. No. She couldn’t go there. She knew how hard this had been for him to bring up, about his father, about his family… about how hopeless and alone he had felt. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t do it too. So she kept that wall steady, her jaw locking and shoving those thoughts away.

Finally, she responded.

“It’s okay. I’m the one that barged into your office, asking about yours.” She quirked a small, timid smile, “And I’m glad you told me. But I don’t want to ruin anything for you either.” She frowned, looking away.

“I’d be fine. But, you.” He paused, waiting for her to look back at him, it seemed, before he continued. “As you said, you’re going to be a diplomat one day. And I don’t have any intention of getting in your way.” A slow simper crept to the edge of his mouth, despite the sad glint in the corner of his eye.

She couldn’t help but beam back at him, or the ache that made her stare longingly between his eyes and lips once again.

“I should go.” He sighed after a minute, darting his gaze away from her as he brought himself up from his seat.

Rey bit her lip as she stood up as well, following him to the door. But she didn’t want it to end on this, she needed to know they could still do this, that this professional relationship they had would still work.

“So,” She raised a brow, attempting to bring back their usual conversational tone, a playful banter to hide behind, “What should I call you from now on--Kylo, or Ben?”

He hovered in the doorway beside her, that soft grin on his lips unintentionally taunting her to taste them again.

“Whatever you’d like.” He replied softly, before tucking his hands in his pockets, and crossing out into the hallway. But he turned to her again, giving her one last look.

“Goodnight, Rey.” He hummed her name as if it has a new meaning. She couldn’t help the shiver that went through her, despite herself.

“Goodnight, Ben.” It rolled off easier than she thought, more natural than Kylo had ever been. She couldn’t help the smile breaking across her face as she watched him, grinning as he walked away.

She shut the door, her thoughts now mixed in a turmoil of excitement and dread, of confusing new feelings, and aching old ones resurfacing.

But the loudest thought ringing across her mind was the one she realized while she was losing herself in his lips; she wanted him, all of him, and he wanted her too.

She let out a pathetic sigh. They couldn’t do this, they both knew it, and that was that--it didn’t matter how much they both wanted it. She lifted her fingers to her lips; they’d still been tingling, aching for more--but she’d been strong enough to deny them.

But a part of her wasn’t sure if she’d be strong enough to refuse them again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh boy---Rey is having a sexual AWAKENING, ooo man. [This is still a slow burn, I'd like to remind ya'll, before anyone yells at me that he should've stayed over]
> 
> thank you so much for sticking around for this story! This was a bit of an emotionally heavy chapter; the next one will be a little lighter--but hey, we're getting the wheels really moving now xD 
> 
> I really appreciate everyone of you who reads this <3 [and of course, thank you to @katieitsmee!!!]


	6. Ambitions & Reveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“And you guys are just going to pretend you both don’t want to take each other’s clothes off?” Rose laughed._
> 
>  
> 
> _“That’s the plan.” Rey raised her brow, giving Rose a smirk, trying to convince her everything would be fine._
> 
> _Rose rolled her eyes, “Well good luck on that one. I bet he’s already pictured you laid across his desk, with absolutely nothing on.”_
> 
> _Rey almost choked, “You’re not helping Rose.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After last chapter's events, this one is far fluffier in comparison. But, it's not without conflicting and confusing emotions, as usual with these two.
> 
> (2) slightly unexpected things may happen. but probably not one of things ya'll are dying to have happen. (patience, it's a slow burn <3)

 

 

She didn’t normally sleep in until noon, not even on a Saturday. But that was before, well, before last night.

Rey blinked rapidly, the early afternoon sun already brightening up her entire apartment. Still in a dizzy haze, from either sleeping much too late or the wandering dreams of _him_ she’d been trapped in all night--she just laid there for a moment longer, smiling to herself as she realized part of those dreams had actually been _real_.

And yet… she frowned. It didn’t matter. The rest of those fantasies wouldn’t ever be a reality. She’d been stuck on that thought before she’d finally drifted to sleep (at 5 am), however, she had only been met with her mocking imagination.

She had no idea how one simple kiss could make her entire mentality shift; but yet, it wasn’t just the kiss. It was everything leading up to it, him opening himself up to her like that, trusting her… it somehow made her trust _him_ . It was that _pull_ , that slowly began drawing herself closer to him. Then last night, it was like an awakening that connected her feelings to her body for the first time.

It was something she had never experienced--wanting someone like that--and she needed to understand it. And there was only one person she felt comfortable enough to ask for help.

She reached over BB’s belly (he evidently loved sleeping on his back) to grab her phone from her nightstand.

Rey: **Rose. I gotta talk to you.**

Rose: **Call in 30 min? I’m just stopping by the shop for a sec—but I’m free after that…unless you need me right now??? Everything okay?**

Rey: **Yes. No. Idk. Confusing. But could you meet up with me?**

Rose: **Of course! Where we goin? M street? Shopping therapy? I'm assuming at least SOMETHING is up?**

Rey: **Sure. I’m going to head on over there & get some food first-and yeah. It’s…. complicated.**

Complicated seemed too simple of an answer. But it was the only one she could give at the moment.

Rey hopped on up, to the great displeasure of the sleeping poof ball beside her and slid open the doors to her hastily put together Ikea wardrobe. Just a sweater and jeans wouldn’t be enough today--not with the cool, almost November air; she’d need to have on her creamy parka and one of her knit scarves.

With one more quick snuggle for BB--who had been following her around the little studio, like usual--she went out of her apartment and strolled towards the shopping district that was M street.

It was truly fall now, the leaves all in their various shades of oranges, reds, and yellows. You could almost feel the earth was tucking itself in, getting prepared for a long sleep. She wasn’t sure which she liked better, this or the springtime when every shade of green possible sprang around her, with splashes of pink throughout; the plants coming alive again, almost singing from their great slumber. But, she supposed she didn’t have to decide, she could enjoy both for their own reasons.

M Street was full as always--families and college students alike tended to be around this area, going in and out of the various shops and eateries of this seemingly ancient street (well, ancient for the States). Rey decided to grab a sandwich from a little deli on the corner of the street--texting Rose to let her know she’d be out on the patio, where there were potted plants and wooden chairs with matching tables; a little quiet space on the edge of this busy area.

Not too long after stuffing herself with a massive sub sandwich, Rose came bounding into the patio area, a beaming smile on her face as she rushed to give Rey a tight hug.

“Ah, it feels like it’s been too long.” Rose started, before taking a seat. “You know we can hang out more than just once a week, right?”

Rey frowned, “Sorry, just been so busy.”

“I know, I know. Well, I don’t know, but--I’m assuming work has something to do with whatever it is that’s complicated?” Rose arched a brow.

Rey took a deep breath, looking down to fidget with her scarf for a moment before responding.

“It’s a long story.” She began, deciding to just jump in with the start of it all. “I found out last weekend that Kylo’s real name is Ben, and Ben… is Leia’s son.”

Rose blinked, her smile faltering into a confused frown, “What now?”

“Yeah. Long story.”

Rose shook her head at Rey’s short response, “But… how… why… what?” Rose demanded, her arms stretching out over the table in various movements.

Rey snorted, “Yeah, basically my reaction. But I found out at Leia’s fundraiser.” She raised her brow back at Rose, “When I ran into his old boss--but I won’t dive into all that.”

“Okay, and did Leia explain everything?” Rose just continued to stare, nonplussed.

“Not everything… But Ben did.” And she left it at that, not wanting to divulge Ben’s story, not when it seemed so special that he had finally told the truth about it to her.

Rose seemed to notice the intentional lack of further explanation, nodding as she leaned back in her seat.

“Okay then,” Rose replied, “So are you supposed to call him Ben? Or?”

Rey shrugged, “He said I could call him whatever I want.”

Rose narrowed her eyes slightly, “Hm, and what is so complicated about all that then? You just call him Ben now, and everything seems fine...” She leaned over, propping her head up in her hands, the way she always did when she was trying to see right through someone. “No, you wanted to talk to me about something else.”

Rey gulped, taking another breath to steady herself before that jittery feeling went throughout her again.

“You’re right. There’s… something else.” Rey conceded.

Rose smiled, that light smile she did when she was trying to lighten up the tension, “You two finally did it?” She laughed.

But Rey ground her teeth, looking quickly around her, feeling that damned flush of heat rise to her cheeks before she could stop it

Rose stopped mid-laugh, her eyes widening as her face faltered into a look of complete shock.

“No… no!” Rey fumbled as she shook her head sharply, “We only kissed.”

Rey might’ve laughed at Rose’s jaw falling nearly off of her face; if she wasn’t also still scrambling to control the confusing eruption of emotions inside of her.

“And that’s _all_ we did.” She emphasized as Rose continued to dance giddily in her seat.

“Alright, okay--you _have_ to explain this better.” Rose eagerly scooted closer, “Where? In the office? On another Embassy rendezvous?”

 _Nope, a much more inappropriate setting._ Rey swallowed, pangs of guilt hitting her as she was the culprit who had invited him over.

“Erhm. No. We were at… my place.” She didn’t look up at Rose, already bracing herself for her response.

“ _Excuse me?”_ Her voice squeaked, before she giggled excitedly, “And you’re telling me that’s all you did?”

“Yes, Rose.” She stared intently back at her, not at all thinking this was a laughing matter. “That’s _all_. And it won’t happen again.”

They _both_ agreed on that, she reminded herself, but that didn’t seem to stop her chest from falling a little, or the sigh that escaped her.

“Hold up. Hold up. You just dropped like twenty bombs on me—I’m trying to get caught up here… first, he was Kylo… now he’s Ben--not to mention, being Leia’s son--which you won’t explain what happened there either, but okay, come on, you _have_ to explain _why_ he was at your place!”

Well… she couldn’t really explain one without the other but… she supposed she could try. Rey twirled her hands in front of her, staring at them while running through her mind on what to say. Finally, she looked back at Rose, letting out a sigh before she went on with it.

“I don’t feel like I can explain it all… it’s not at all my place… but, essentially, they… grew apart. After he did something. And now he’s trying to not be the person who did that.” Rose frowned but nodded along, so Rey continued. “He explained all that to me at my place, because, well I don't know exactly why I thought it was a good idea to invite him over,” she shook her head rolling her eyes at herself, “but, I kind of blew up at him in the office for not telling me, and he wanted to clear things up.”

Rose pinched her brow together, crossing her arms. “So, let me get this straight, you got mad at your boss, and then he- _your_ _boss_ -begged for forgiveness at your doorstep?”

Well, when she put it that way, it sounded ridiculous. His words, _“I_ _s that what all bosses do for their employees?”_ ran across her mind; no it certainly was not.

Rose shook her head, “Oh man does he have it bad… And that’s when he kissed you?”

Rey bit her lip, “Well, after he explained everything, and just… seeing him, really seeing him. I… I don’t know how to explain it…I wanted him to know I was there, that I understood, and I, _I don’t know Rose,_ I just wanted to be closer to him. I wanted to touch him. I leaned into him, and… I…”

“ _You_ started the kiss,” Rose interjected, then broke out into a big, smirking grin.

Rey didn’t deny it. For Rose had been right about them--all this teasing she had done, she was actually _right._ She didn’t know how Rose knew before she even did herself. But that was why she knew she needed to talk to her. Why she knew that, somehow, Rose would be able to help her sort herself out.

“Rose,” Rey began, in a pleading tone, “I don’t know how to handle this, I’ve never…” She stopped, not knowing exactly how to say it.

“I know, It’s not a big deal, you know.” Rose chimed, leaning forward to take one of her hands, giving it a kind squeeze. But Rey frowned, she wasn’t sure she _did_ know. She pulled back her hand slowly, back into her lap as she tried to sort out how she could possibly explain this.

She took a deep breath, “It’s not just, well, that. I’ve never _wanted_ to do anything before. I’ve never, I’ve never even kissed anyone, Rose. I just wasn’t ever thinking of boys or whatever when I was a teen, and college didn’t change that. I like the idea of romance, but… it’s just never happened for me.” She shrugged, shaking her head, “I don’t know why… and I don’t understand why I’m suddenly feeling it now. Or for him, of _all_ people, why I suddenly had to feel these now--” She stopped herself, realizing she was starting to ramble frantically.

Maybe it didn’t sound as if she was pouring a piece of her heart out, but it certainly felt like it. This wasn’t something she had ever actually tried to explain out loud before, this odd truth about her. She wasn’t at all ashamed of it--it just seemed like another barrier between her and most everyone else, who seemed to all have had plenty of romantic interests in their lives, or were able to do things without any romantic interest between each other at all.

But Rose just smiled gently back at her.

“I know. Because you need that connection. And you’ve never had it. But now you do...you two started to click from that night at the bar, and your heart has been slowly trying to sort out these new strange feelings, while at the same time your mind doesn’t want you to have them, since, the whole ‘boss thing’, or--even knows what to do with them. But now, you know something very intimate about him, I’m guessing, and that’s the key that did it. And now your mind is a bit too clouded by just how loud those feelings are.”

Rey gaped at her. She had explained it so perfectly… something _had_ clicked open last night. She hadn’t ever had the chance, or given anyone the chance to experience these feelings before, and now… well, there was this strange, intimacy between them; something she hadn’t ever had. Knowing that should comfort her, or excite her, and maybe it did… but at the moment, she only felt a spike of anxious dread spread throughout her. She quickly tried to shove it down.

“Yes,” She whispered, not able to add anything else.

“So, what are you going to do now?” Rose raised a brow at her.

“My job,” She shrugged _as if there was any other answer._ “We can’t do anything and honestly…” She felt the flicker of nerves continue to creep up her, “I wasn’t looking for this, I don’t _want_ to be in a relationship. Which, isn’t even an option, regardless.” She snapped her jaw shut, looking back out the street next to her, not really looking at the cars and people passing by.

“Rey?” Rose called to her; something in her voice pulling Rey to slowly bring herself to look back at Rose’s warm, hesitant stare.

“I know I may be treading into unwelcome territory here but…” Rose paused, “is it possible you’re just… scared?”

Rey pinched her brow back at Rose.

“Scared of losing my job? Ruining my career? Definitely,” She scoffed, “and I should be.”

Rose bit her lip, before softly responding. “That’s not… exactly… what I meant.”

Rey stared intently at the table, her jaw locking, a scowl forming as she shoved that icy feeling away. _Scared?_ Was that what she was feeling? Scared of _what?_ Her heart vibrated faster, her throat tightening as her mind taunted her with flashes of them together once again. But she shook her head, shaking those thoughts away.

“Well… so what’s the plan now?” Rose had gone back to her smiley and bright tone; evidently, she realized Rey wasn’t going to answer, “Be totally awkward around each other?”

Rey swallowed, thinking again of how last night they’d been able to so easily jump back to their usual banter.

“I don’t think so. I’m just… going to go to work, as usual, and so will he.”

“And you guys are just going to pretend you both don’t want to take each other’s clothes off?” Rose laughed.

“That’s the plan.” Rey raised her brow, giving Rose a smirk, trying to convince her everything would be fine.

Rose rolled her eyes, “Well good luck on that one. I bet he’s already pictured you laid across his desk, with absolutely nothing on.”

Rey almost choked, “You’re not helping Rose.”

“Like I said, good luck” She winked.

Now she was imagining that very scenario too. Rey didn’t need a mirror to know what shade of scarlet her cheeks were turning.

 

* * *

 

 

Normally he’d have all his emails answered by now--but normally, he wasn’t so distracted. He wasn’t usually inclined to fantasies or daydreams, but at the moment… he just couldn’t stop thinking of her.

How she’d looked at him, her eyes so soft it had almost hurt, how it seemed she saw him for the very first time. And how she seemed to _like_ whatever she saw. How she shook her head at the thought of him being a monster….

She hadn’t shied away, no, in fact, _she_ reached out to him, _she_ leaned over to him, and unfathomably, _she_ laid her lips on his. And oh, did he hate it when she took them away.

He knew why she did, why she had to. Although his thoughts had wandered to her lips in curiosity before, he hadn’t actually believed he’d ever get to taste them. Even though he knew they’d had this _energy_ between them since the beginning, she’d seemed very adamant about pretending it didn’t exist. Part of him was very, very thankful for that curtain to be lifted; the other part… well, they couldn’t do anything about it now, could they?

He sighed, grumpily. It was going to be impossible to not let himself wonder about it now. Wonder how the rest of her tasted; wonder about what he’d do if she was sitting on this desk right in front of him.

Well, he knew exactly what he’d do; he’d unbutton that v-neck shirt of hers, as she’d do the same to his. He’d hike her skirt up as he gave her a rougher kiss this time, then he’d rip that shirt off completely, lowering her body down onto the desk, her thighs wrapped around his own, before--

“Good morning.”

He jolted in his seat at _her_ voice, his arm swinging across his desk--and right into the jar of ink, which went toppling over.

“Fuck--” He scrambled, as her eyes widened in return before she quickly reached to grab the folders that were just an inch away from being ruined forever. He quickly grabbed a few tissues and blank paper to stop the ink from spreading.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” She gave an uncertain smile, handing the folders back to him.

He looked up into her eyes, that hazel still as soft as they were those few days ago, yet, there it was again, that layer of hesitancy between them.

“You don’t need to apologize.” He quickly responded. It certainly wasn’t her fault he’d been thinking of her in… unprofessional ways. His lips squirmed for a moment as he tried to shove those thoughts away; but damn if she didn’t look beautiful this morning--her hair in a soft curl, a tight, violet sweater that paired nicely with the specks of amber in her eyes, and--he gulped--the same grey skirt he’d only just imagined pushing up moments before. Damn. No, he needed to stop thinking about that.

“So,” He started, getting his voice steady once again, as they both brought their eyes back to each other, a flicker passing between them.

“So,” She responded, a laugh hiding behind that smile on her lips, “You seem like you’re in need of some coffee this morning.”

“Definitely the problem.” He nodded, not being able to control the grin creeping at the edges of his mouth.

She let out a small chuckle, as he swallowed to try to get himself back to thinking about work, the thing they were supposed to be doing.

“We have to go over to the Senate building today,” He began, back in his usual office tone, well, as close as he could get to it. “We’re needed with Senator Ematt’s Foreign Policy Advisor.”

Rey raised her brow, “No one ever wants to come to the State Department to talk, do they?”

“No, seems not. But I thought you liked traveling around?”

She nodded, slowly. “Yes, but traveling to different countries would be nicer.”

“You’ll get enough of that eventually.” He stared back at her, as they stood on opposite sides of the desk, their eyes shifting over each other.

But he looked away, sighing as he brought his thoughts back onto the day ahead. “Well, you should have plenty of time to get your report done for the day before we leave, knowing you.”

She tilted her head, “Telling me to get to work?”

“That is my job.” He huffed in response.

“Yes, sir.” She hummed, swiveling on her heel, her hair swishing when she turned towards the door; he didn’t even try to stop from lowering his gaze, watching her backside as she pranced away.

He swallowed as he abruptly realized he had a very, very prominent problem--in the front of his pants. He hurriedly sat down, before anyone else barged in; hoping to hell she hadn’t noticed.

 

Later that afternoon, after he’d finished a few phone calls, Skype meetings, and an attempt at a report--and after Rey had, of course, already finished her own--they’d made their way over to the Russell Senate Building.

It’d been a while since he’d walked up these marble steps, and into that main circular room filled with yet more marble and columns, and endless hallways to the left and right. He swallowed as his eyes landed on the hallway to the left.

“Odd being back here,” Rey commented softly, looking in the same direction.

He nodded in return, his lips moving into a thin line. He didn’t want to linger too long, out in the open like a deer in a meadow. He turned his attention to a soaring hallway slightly to the right.

“This way,” he murmured as he stalked forward--Rey right by his side.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, and finally, they were out of that particularly grueling meeting. She couldn’t help the way she puffed as they were once again in the echoing hallway, leaving the cold conference room behind them, which had been full of men with grey hair and much too wandering eyes.

“I’m impressed.” Ben started, as they paced down the hall, his large stature towering over anyone who walked past them.

Rey cocked her head up towards him, as he glanced back at her.

“I didn’t prepare you for if they were going to ask you any questions,” He continued, “and yet, you took it like a pro.”

She grinned. Yes, she had done a good job of that, hadn’t she? Certainly caused a few startled faces. She even surprised herself. She lifted her chin up as they continued to stride back out into the main corridor.

“When are you going to realize I _am_ a professional?” She turned, crossing her arms as she halted to face him.

“Oh, I _do_ realize that,” He nodded, a brow arching back at her, “Still, I hadn’t consulted with you beforehand, and yet, you had the perfect answer. The Poroshenko situation is… tricky.” He lowered his voice, and hovered closer to her, as his deep tone couldn’t help but echo a little in this great hall.

“I know. As I’ve read from _you_.” She replied, reminding him. He grinned as he put his hands in his pockets, his chest rising and falling as he sighed.

She couldn’t help but breathe in that fresh, almost spicy, woodsy-like scent that radiated from him. Not when he was only standing a foot away from her. His amber tinted eyes met with hers once again, a playful flicker in them, as there had been since earlier that morning.

But that flicker quickly shifted into a flash of fear; his body going rigidly still as his eyes were fixed above her left shoulder--

“Poe, I stand by my decision, and that’s final.” It was Leia, unmistakably Leia’s voice she heard from behind her, causing her own heart to jump before she spun around. Leia was walking with her lead Advisor, Poe Dameron. They were about to go right past them--before Leia’s sharp eyes had suddenly landed on hers… and shifted, quickly, to Ben.

Everyone stood frozen now; Leia’s gaze was still fixed on Ben, countless emotions crossing her face before she walled it up into a small smile. Rey hovered closely next to Ben, having to catch herself from reaching for his hand right beside hers--Leia’s eyes quickly darted to Rey’s, squinting slightly as she looked her over.

“So,” Poe coughed, widening his eyes between them all, “who speaks first?”

Rey cracked a half smile, “I guess that’d be you.”

“Isn’t it always?” Leia grinned warmly back at her, “Well, you two giving some much needed advising today?”

“Probably shouldn’t talk about it,” Ben answered, his voice terribly distant, almost like it was the first time she met him, in that interview those couple months ago.

“Of course,” Leia blinked but kept her face soft and warm. “I didn’t mean to pry.” She then turned her attention back on Rey. “You look as lovely as ever, dear. I hope everything is going well for you.”

“Thank you,” She smiled in return, “and yes--” She couldn’t stop her eyes momentarily shifting toward Ben, “I’ve definitely learned a lot.”

Leia held Rey’s gaze for a moment, before glancing up to Ben.

“It’s good to see you,” She said softly.

Ben swallowed, bringing his eyes back up to hers, his lips squirming as he nodded his head before she went on her way, Poe following closely beside her.

Rey quickly darted her eyes to Ben’s, but he continued to stare off, grinding his jaw. Slowly, carefully, after taking a quick glance around them, she glided her fingers over to his. He took a breath, then slowly let his gaze drop down to her, those eyes returning to that warmth she had started to grow accustomed to.

She let go, and they both took a breath before they slowly walked through the great dome room, and made their way out of the Senate building.

Just as Ben was about to call for the driver, Rey stopped him.

“We don’t have anything else to do today, do we?” She inquired, her eyes still searching over his face, trying to read those flashes of emotions that he never could hide.

“No, I suppose not.” He responded, his voice better than it was a few moments ago. But still too hollow.

She bit her lip, this probably wasn’t the best idea. But, she knew just how difficult that was, to be forced to come face to face with her after so many years… no matter if Rey knew that Leia just wanted him back, just wanted to see him happy again. But Ben would have to be the one to go to her, and judging by the lockdown he just went into… that wasn’t happening anytime soon. And now she couldn’t just leave him… not when she knew he didn’t have anyone to go home to, anyone to talk to… anyone to comfort him, other than her.

“Want to grab some coffee then? Or, take a walk? It’s a beautiful evening.” She smiled, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, trying not to imply anything more than a simple hang out session that she would do with a friend. Because, after all, that’s all she was trying to do. Just, talk to him. Perfectly innocent.

Ben hesitated, looking off for a moment before he nodded in return.

“We can do that. Any ideas where to go?”

Rey grinned, “The mall?” That would provide plenty of walking time, and not to mention, she hadn’t been out on the lawns or seen the monuments in a while. And she doubted he had either.

“There won’t be any tourists at 5 o’clock on a Monday, so, sure.” He responded, already heading that direction, towards the capitol building to their left, which started the great national mall walk from the east side.

After just a few minutes of them walking in silence, they made it over to the first lawn, which opened up to their left, while trees marked the trail to the right. Up ahead there were the buildings of museums and institutions, and the great white tower in the middle of it all. He was right, it didn’t seem like any tourists were out tonight--only some locals taking an evening run, couples having a date night on the lawn, and other individuals in suits walking through with briefcases and bags, just as they were.

“I used to come down here all the time.” Rey started, “I spent a whole evening just laying on the lawn one time, watching the sun make the monument actually look like artwork, instead of… well. The city doesn’t like to use anything but marble or marble look alike, does it?” She sighed, stealing a glimpse back at him as he strode beside her.

“No, I don’t believe it does. Certainly could use some color.” He looked up ahead, and glanced around before those eyes landed back on her.

She smiled back, before looking ahead at the sky starting to fade into shades of orange and pink, hints of purple still far behind them. The air was cool today with a slight breeze, enough to where her long blue jacket seemed like the perfect choice to wear for a stroll.

“When did you first move here, by the way?” He asked, his hands in his pockets as he kept pace with her.

“About a year ago. It was the end of last fall when I finally got a job offer.”

He sighed, as they stopped for a moment, waiting to cross the street that divided the first small lawn, to the next one, which harbored the National Art Gallery to the right.

“It’s a tough world to get into, even for a Princeton graduate.” He looked at her, as they continued to wait for a moment.

She nodded but shrugged as they started forward across the street. “I’m used to the odds not exactly being in my favor.”

A deep chuckle came from him, causing her to arch a brow in return.

“It’s just something my Dad used to say… ‘Never tell me the odds.’ Seems like that motto has worked for you.” He smiled, as they continued their leisurely walk down the bench-lined pathway.

Rey grinned softly in return but looked down in front of her once again.

“Yeah, I don’t know how long that luck will run. What about you? How long have you been here now?”

Ben squinted, “Moving here to actually live here, I suppose six years ago now. Something like that. But when I first signed on to the State Department, maybe four years ago, I was put on a temporary assignment in Albania.” He raised his brow at her, knowing she’d obviously be intrigued by that.

“Really?” She stopped, turning to face him, with probably a much too curious expression.

“Yes. Got to experience your future life for a little while, at least, in a way.” Ben started, before going to sit on a bench just to their right, Rey following suit. “Working in an embassy, working with officials from a different country. Wasn’t officially a diplomat, but still, it was a taste of it.”

Rey crossed a leg over the other, “But, you didn’t want that?” She inquired, looking him over.

“I wanted a better paycheck,” He smirked back at her.

She narrowed her eyes in return, but smiled, “Hey, your life getting paid for on top of a salary? I don’t think it’s a bad gig.”

“True. But, you’re constantly moving around, never really having your own home.”

“I’ve never really felt like ‘home’ was a place anyway.” Rey shrugged. She felt his searching stare on her, but she continued to keep her gaze on the lawn in front of them, at the trees in the distance and the old buildings just beyond.

“And, you’re put into some dangerous situations. At times.” He continued, leaning forward, but eyes on her.

Rey rolled her eyes before turning her head towards him again, one eyebrow raised. “You do know that I’m well aware of all of this, right?

Ben’s face faltered. “Right. Just thought I’d mention it.”

She cocked her head, “But why _are_ you mentioning it? Tying to talk me out of my dream career, Solo?”

“No, of course not.” He shook his head, leaning back, his hands twirling in his lap. “It’s just not a happy thought, you being in the middle of a hostile government takeover, a terrorist attack on an embassy, or living in undesirable conditions. But, don’t worry, I wouldn’t get in the way of our country getting one of the best FSO’s we’d probably ever had.” He then raised a brow at her, a small grin returning at the corner of her mouth.

Rey searched him over, was he really that concerned about her? Well… anyone probably would be, if they knew just how dangerous this job was, how dangerous _he_ knew this job was.

“Thank you.” She finally replied, unsure of what else to say. “But… well, we’ll see about that.”

“Where’s that cocky, self-assuredness you had when I first met you?” He squinted, a teasing tone at the edge of his deep voice.

“Cocky?” Rey pinched her brow, turning to prop her right arm against the back of the bench, as he shifted his body to face her as well.

“It’s not a bad thing.” He shook his head, a hint of a devilish smirk in his eye, and across his lips.

Rey swallowed, hoping the dim lighting hid any of the blush she felt flooding through her face.

“Well,” She cleared her throat, as her eyes pulled away from his. “Having to wait for months, again and again, to even get into the Foreign Service, it tempers that just a bit.”

“Hmm. Not as patient as you make yourself out to be?” He hummed from beside her.

“I’d say I’ve been doing a fantastic job of being patient, thank you very much.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

He snickered, “You have. But I wouldn’t worry, that registrar list is always like that.”

They sat quietly; both looking out at the world around them. At the old, Smithsonian castle just across from them, at the people laying out on the grass, at the monument, now closer and more prominent to them up on this end of the mall. It was a quiet night, for this area seemed to block out the noises from the streets; the birds were rather docile today as well.

“It really is a beautiful evening.” He whispered, yet his voice vibrated over to her, “I don’t come down here enough, I almost forget this is what everyone else thinks of as Washington, what I pictured it as, before…” He trailed off, before sighing deeply.

Rey frowned, “Maybe you should come down here more often. Go sit by the reflecting pool, or, my personal favorite,” She smiled, as his eyes were on her again, “walking around the Jefferson Memorial.”

“Hmm. You’re right, I should. And yes, that one seems to be… away from all the tourists.”

She snickered, “You and those damn tourists. But yes, and it’s just brilliant, the pond, the trees along the walkway… definitely a good place to take a girl on a date.” She looked down, twirling her hands in front of her, attempting to act like she hadn’t meant that about her, or that the thought of him on a date with anyone else didn’t bother her either.

She felt his lingering gaze, and she couldn’t help but flash her eyes back up to his. He finally pulled away, a heavy sigh escaping him.

“We should probably leave… before it gets too dark.”

She nodded, following his lead to stand up from the bench.

“Do you need me to drive you home?” He asked as they began to walk along the path.

While that certainly sounded nicer than the metro, for more than a number of reasons… Metro Center was only one block away from here, and well, maybe they had already used their free pass for spending time outside of work. She didn’t want to push it.

“No, I can take the metro.”

Ben started forward, nodding for Rey to come along, “Well, I’ll walk you there.”

“You really shouldn’t worry about me so much.” She retorted quietly, even though she gladly hopped alongside him.

They continued on in comfortable silence, crossing the wide street of Pennsylvania Avenue. The buzzing bulbs of the street lights were on now, even though the sky above was still lit up in a pink haze.

It wasn’t long until they arrived at the post with a large ‘M’ at the top of it, where escalators to the left would take her down to the central hub below.

She stopped before going in, turning slowly to face Ben. She hovered, unsure of what the right way to say ‘Goodnight’ was, but certainly knowing it didn’t involve the way she was thinking. She gulped as she pulled her eyes away from his alarmingly tempting lips.

He looked her up and down, almost hesitating as if debating something as well.

“Be safe Rey,” He lowered his head, a frown across his face

She smiled softly, reassuringly, “I can handle myself.” And with that she took another breath, and turned away, trying not to steal another glimpse of him before she got on the escalator.

But she couldn’t help that one last look back, finding him just then turning away, his dark suit and towering figure stalking off into the night. Strange how he seemed to appear more threatening from a distance, than up close. Not that he ever really intimidated her, and certainly not anymore.

She sighed, feeling that bubble of conflicting emotions wound up inside her, closing her eyes to try and shove it back down.

When she reached the bottom of the platform, she realized she still needed to add a few more credits to her card--and, being the evening of a workday, she sighed again as she saw the long line in front of her.

She pulled out her phone while she waited, checking any notifications she’d missed--finally landing on her email.

That’s when she saw it. A message from the State Department. She narrowed her eyes, her heart daring to beat faster, but she held it in, waiting, as she clicked open the message.

She almost dropped her phone. Shakily, she held her screen closer, scanning it, re-reading it over and over again. Her heart beat frantically, as she let a wobbly, disbelieving smile spread across her face.

She did it. She got in. She finally, _finally,_ got accepted into the Foreign Service.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!! ding ding ding!!!!!! 
> 
> Well, I cannot WAIT to show you the next couple chapters coming up. It will certainly be an adventure. 
> 
> Also, these two can lie to themselves all they want-that was 100% a date. Even if Rey was just trying to get his mind off of..well, *sigh* pain train Ben isn't going to be healed up and ready to face Leia that quickly. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! And I appreciate every single one of your comments! AND, thank you to the best, @katieitsmee <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


	7. Implications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _For the first time, Rey saw shock cross Leia’s face; her mouth had parted, her brow soft but raised, her face entirely devoid of any other emotion--until she quickly wrapped it all back into a warm smile._
> 
> _“It sounds like he’s found a good confidant.” She continued to grin, gazing at Rey with a new look of wonder across her face. “Any intentions on keeping that relationship going when you leave?”_
> 
> _Rey felt her heart jolt and took a shaky breath before answering._
> 
> _“Relationship?” She swallowed, internally cursing at how high pitched her voice just rang._

 

 

 

Six weeks. That’s how much time she had now until she’d be walking into the Foreign Service Institute, ready to begin her training.

And six weeks left that she had here, with him.

She sighed, unlocking her office door, opening it up into the little space she’d carved out for herself in this department. It’d been a week now since she’d come bounding into the office, excited and nervous and yet… reluctant to tell him. He was shocked at first, just as she was, but congratulated her, saying something snarky about her patience (or rather, impatience) finally paying off.

Yet she noticed the tightness of his smile even then. He wasn’t expecting her to leave so soon either.

She frowned, laying her bag on her desk, taking a deep breath before turning to the door--but halted, suddenly remembering the unfortunate events over the weekend. When she’d gone out with Finn and Rose to celebrate… when she’d had a little too much alcohol; when she decided to text a certain someone she definitely shouldn’t have texted.

Her head tilted back as she groaned. She looked over her texts _again_ \--trying to tell herself they couldn’t have been that bad--not worse than kissing him, surely--

They were worse.

Rey: _What are you doing tonight??? Feel like buying my another drink? ;)_

Ben: _Just at the gym. Hm, it sounds like you may have already had plenty to drink._

Rey: _I’m out with my friends….but I’d rather see you here. We can talk.,, or something._

...or something? She really _said_ that? She bared her teeth and closed her eyes at herself.

Ben: _Unfortunately, I don’t think I can go. Have fun, Rey. You deserve it._

She knew they couldn’t _‘or something’_. But it still stung somehow, him turning her down.

She opened her eyes again, nervously shifting her creamy cutaway blazer and running a hand through her hair before striding out down the hall.

A slight moment of hesitation, and then she leaped into his office, still fumbling with her hands before tilting her eyes towards his; which were already on her.

“You seemed to have a good weekend.” His voice, low and playful, echoed over to her as she continued to cross the room.

She bit her lip but shifted her eyes over that good-natured smirk on his face. Maybe she didn’t need to feel so jilted after all. But she looked away anyways, still flustered and full of chagrin.

“Sorry about that.”

He chuckled, a deep, rumbling sound that didn’t help the situation, not at all.

“No, don’t be. You were out celebrating, as you should.” He paused, as she finally looked back up at him, in his dark grey suit and navy shirt--one of her favorite looks, _of course_ \--before he continued to stare into her with that warm gaze. “I’m sorry I had to decline.”

Rey quirked a smile, then arched a brow, “Were you actually considering joining us?”

“It was tempting.” He shifted his eyes between hers, “Maybe when your last day comes up, ask again. I _would_ like to buy you another drink.”

Rey blinked, her bottom lip falling ever so slightly as she contemplated every intention he meant with that.

“But before that comes up,” He continued, shifting some things around on his desk, raising his brow at her, “You’ll be happy to hear, I think, that we’ll be going on a trip.”

“Oh? Where to?” She blinked rapidly, shaking those lingering thoughts on their possible future endeavors for now.

“Croatia. Next week. We’re needed in Zagreb, there are a few formalities going on, and they’d like me to be there for them.”

Rey’s eyes widened, as he grinned back at her.

“I just needed to tell you I was _leaving_ before you decided to pull out the perks of the job, huh?” She flashed a brow up at him, a sprightly smile on her lips.

“I think you’ve been given a good amount of perks so far. But I still have you for another six weeks, Ms. Johnson.” Ben narrowed his eyes, as a teasing flicker crossed between them.

She squinted back at him, trying desperately to counter the crimson rising in her cheeks, but then sighed. “So how long will we be gone--what do I need to pack for?”

“Well, the usual work attire, we’ll be in the embassy or traveling from place to place while we’re over there. Some casual clothes, if you want...” He knocked his head side to side slowly, pondering, “And, well, something formal. There will most likely be some type of black tie event going on that we’ll have to go to.”

“Formalwear. Got it.” Rey nodded her head slowly, biting her cheek as she tried to think if any of her dresses would make do for something like this.

Ben then continued on, “We’ll be leaving Monday--and won’t be back for two weeks.”

Two whole weeks in Croatia? Well, this would certainly be an adventure, wouldn’t it? She was already pondering what the days in the embassy would be like… getting to meet with Diplomats… people that were working her future life. She smiled widely.

“Well, just in time for Christmas.” She responded casually, trying to offset the bubbling feeling inside her.

“Sorry,” Ben quickly frowned, evidently not realizing the dates this trip would be cutting close to. “Is this cutting into your holiday plans?”

Rey couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped her, “No, not at all, best plans I’ve had in…. maybe ever.”

Ben sighed, looking slightly relieved, but a frown still on his face.

“Well, I’m glad your happy.” He paused, looking up at her, something… searching there, but he quickly continued on, “We still have work to do this week, but nothing out of the ordinary. No trips to Senate buildings or Embassies over here.”

“My queue to get busy.” Rey sighed, rather happily, as she gave him the closest thing she could to a wink before turning away.

 

* * *

 

Only six weeks. He frowned, moving to take another sip from his coffee, finding it already gone.

He was incredibly happy for her, of course. And to be honest, it may end up being the opportunity to pursue _whatever this was_ between them.

But it also meant, well, she’d be leaving. Leaving the country, eventually. For good.

He twirled the red ceramic to peer inside, out of habit, as if looking at it would simply refill it. But then he sighed, before rising up and stalking over to the breakroom--carrying the mug at his side.

He popped the mug in place, waiting for it to brew when his phone beeped from the pocket of his steel grey slacks.

He glanced at the screen, then groaned. It was definitely not the person he was instinctually hoping it’d be from.

Hux: **Where are you?**

...Really?

Ben: **Work.**

Those three dots appeared immediately. Then disappeared. Then appeared again.

Hux: **I meant, I need to talk to you. And you’re not in your office.**

Ben: **God forbid I grab some coffee.**

Hux: **Just head over to my office when it’s convenient for you, Ren.**

He scowled, dropping his phone back into his pocket, before picking up his dark roast that had just finished pouring.

He sauntered out of the break room, through the maze of grey and glass walls towards Hux’s office set up in the back, just a simple door at the end of a long hall. He burst in, not bothering to knock.

It was a bit smaller than his office, and darker, only a small window right beside the desk, with cooler colors of navy and grey, but filled with random decorums of photos with prominent politicians and journalists alike.

“You rang,” Ben said casually, taking a sip out of his mug. Hux, in his usual black suit and tie, sighed dramatically. But didn’t look up from his desk.

“Yes. You might want to shut the door.”

“You know you’re not my boss, right?” Ben shot a look at Hux that forced the man to look up in return.

Hux pursed his lips, “Well aware. But this is something you probably don’t want the entire office to hear.”

Ben moved his jaw, then pulled the door shut behind him. Yet he only hovered there, pulling the coffee cup up to his lips again.

Hux put his hands together, “I was at a Media event over the weekend, and ended up having some interesting conversation with a few Legislative Staff members.”

“Good to know you’re making friends.” He commented back, before lazily taking another drink.

Hux stood up, slowly walking around his desk. His cold gaze making Ben sigh and stare back in return. Just, _get on with it_ , he thought.

“They made a few comments about you, and what they called, ‘your new playtoy’ at the Senate Building the other day.”

Ben ground his teeth, holding back a growl from hearing her being called that. He shot daggers at Hux but held his tongue.

Hux narrowed his eyes in return, scanning his face. “You have anything you want to tell me, Kylo?”

Ben kept as still as he could.

“I don’t know what they’re talking about.” He blinked, his breathing steady.

Hux cracked a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “The only time you’ve ever spoken that calmly to me is when you’re trying to hide something.”

Ben scowled, jutting his jaw forward, “I have no idea what they’re referring to. We haven’t done anything.” Well… they hadn’t done anything that he was implying.

Hux crossed his arms, “They mentioned how close you two were standing.”

Ben shifted his eyes, thinking of them standing to the side of that domed room. But quickly returned to his glower.

“I’d say we’re standing pretty close right now, want to fuck me, Hux?” He pinched his brow, still attempting to shove this all away, to get him to let it go.

Hux rolled his eyes, “Well you’re certainly not looking at me the way you look at her. Don’t think I haven’t noticed either.” He shook his head at him, stepping back, leaning into his desk. “But that’s not all. She held your _hand._ ”

Ben pursed his lips, trying to keep them from squirming as he remembered the way the tips of her fingers had so gently slid onto his. But that was different. It wasn’t… it was because… but he didn't say anything. He couldn’t. Not without having to tell Hux how broken he’d felt in that room, his mother looking at him with the desperate, hopeful look as he stood there frozen, hardly able to breathe. And he wasn’t about to let Hux see that side of him.

“Two blind idiots.” Hux shook his head, having the silent confirmation he needed. “And you two walked around a bit afterward, didn’t you?” He added, arching a brow.

Ben blinked, “How--”

“ _Damn_ it, Kylo.” Hux yelled, “You do realize there are people that will go to great lengths to show any corruption in this government?” He continued to stare icily at him, arms crossed in his frozen structure, “ _You,_ of all people, should know that.”

Ben ground his jaw shut, breathing in deeply to quiet down the rising flame of anger and guilt inside him.

A few seconds passed before Hux finally looked away.

“Look, I don’t give a damn what you do,” His voice was quiet now, but still as exasperated, “You two can fuck each other into oblivion for all I care, but I _need_ to know what is happening, so I can cover it up. Do you realize this has the potential to be a major scandal? Especially with her going into the Foreign Service, getting into a highly selective State Department program after banging her current boss _in_ the State Department?”

A small flicker of concern crossed Hux’s face. Maybe just concern about his own job, but it was something. Something that made Ben think he really just wanted to help if there was anything going on between them.

But Ben had already stopped that wheel in motion; it’d been hard, but he’d been controlling himself better over the last week, especially after finding out she’d be leaving in the not too distant future.

Ben let his face soften, “But we haven’t Hux. I swear.”

Hux sighed, “Well it doesn’t much matter if they can paint a scandal anyway they can, especially if they’re given the right paint to work with.”

Ben felt his core go hollow, “Who is it?” He spat, “What evidence have they shown you?”

“At the moment, it’s just talk. Like I said. But talk can get around. It can land on ears that have eyes for this sort of thing. And cameras.”

And he knew _exactly_ who he was referring to. Ben couldn’t help the twitch in his eye as he tried to stop the quick spike of fear rise in him. He swallowed, attempting to steady his now frantically beating heart.

“And has he made any threats?” His eyes searched Hux’s, preparing himself for the worst.

“No.” He slowly responded, “But be careful, Ren.”

Ben nodded, then turned to go out the door, pretending his hand didn’t shakily turn the doorknob shut behind him.

 

* * *

 

The week passed on in an inconsequential matter, the days all blurring together as Rey just worked report after report. Ben had been a little more distant over the week; she couldn’t tell if she’d perhaps gone too far with the texts over the past weekend--but, well he _had_ seemed okay with that. Maybe it was just something else on his mind.

When Friday finally came around, she’d been practically jumping out the office door with excitement, but found that hesitation still in Ben’s eyes as she’d spoke of meeting up with him to go to the airport on Monday.

She sighed, thinking about that conversation now on this Saturday afternoon.

 _“We can just meet there,”_ He’d hastily responded, but after her face had faltered, he’d quickly added, _“Well I guess we could carpool from here, it may be better than trying to find each other at the airport.”_

She’d tried not to read too much into it but… she couldn’t help thinking maybe this tension between them was just a quick flash of urges for him after all. Maybe he didn’t exactly feel it like she had. Afterall… it was a bit different for her.

She pouted at the mirror, as she continued to finish up her make-up, getting ready for yet another compromising situation.

But there was a knock on her door--she sighed, looking at her phone--at the five missed messages from Finn.

“I told you--I need a few more minutes!” She hollered out, knowing he could hear her even from the little nook of her bathroom. It was only ten feet from the entryway after all.

“Okay, hurry up, princess! Leia is waiting for us--well, you, in particular.” His muffled voice reverberated from the hall.

She rolled her eyes, putting on the last touch--some rich berry lipstick--before looking over her outfit in the mirror.  Her emerald long sleeve dress seemed fitting for the weather today, some black tights and black booties on as well, but she doubted she needed a coat with how sunny and calm the wind seemed to be this December afternoon.

She took a deep breath, then grabbed her black satchel purse, the new one she’d got with Rose a few weeks ago, and with a quick kiss to BB she opened the door on up to Finn’s bright smile. He’d gone with some lighter slacks and patterned button tee, looking perfectly handsome in one of the shirts Rose had got for him a while back.

“Ready,” She grinned at him, or well, ready as she could be, with flashes of confusing emotions daring to crawl their way out of her.

It’d been a mostly quiet ride over, with just a few jokes snapping out between them about stupid things that had popped up on Twitter that week. Finn had driven them in Rose’s Subaru--even though she’d been invited to go to Leia’s party too, she’d stayed behind, having to cover some shifts for her shop.

They both went silent as they pulled into the driveway, passing a gated entrance. Trees, some still cloaked in their red and orange leaves, lined the path leading up to a mansion on a hill. Large columns and French style windows stood out the most, as little details of flowerbeds and vineyards sprang up to envelope the house in a cottage-like style, despite its grandeur.

“Have you ever been here before,” Rey asked in a whisper, mouth agape at the grounds around her.

“Nope, but I’m definitely glad she decided to host the office party at her place this year.” He laughed giddily, smacking his hands on the steering wheel.

They followed a trail of cobbled stone that lead to the right of the house, where a few garages were hidden to the side. Finn pulled up behind the last car, letting out a whistle as he put it park.

“I know she makes good money, but damn, this is something else,” Finn commented, shaking his head as he stood up out of the car.

Rey took a deep breath, then opened up her door as well. She remembered something about Leia having been adopted by a distant member of a royal family--or, had she come from royalty herself? It was confusing, the amount of contradicting stories she’d read on her life those few weeks ago now when she’d been trying to figure out the drama that was this Skywalker family situation. She hadn’t lingered too much on that thought before but, well seeing this, made it painfully obvious that Leia… and Ben, had come from quite a different world than she had.

“You okay?”

She blinked, feeling Finn’s concerned look on her.

“Yeah, yeah. Just… this place really is something else.” She smiled at him but quickly looked away again.

They wandered around to the entrance, seeing a few others of Leia’s office making their way up the front steps.

“So,” Finn started, gravel crunching at his feet. “you going to tell me about Loverboy, or do I just have to hear everything through Rose?”

Rey flashed her eyes at him, finding him smirking at her.

“Well,” She started, “if you know everything Rose does, there’s not much more to tell.” She shrugged.

“Not _much_ more?” Finn narrowed his eyes, as they started up the stoop.

“I don’t really want to talk about this here,” Rey whispered, spotting Leia just through the entrance.

“Right, might be a bit awkward.” Finn chuckled, keeping quiet as well.

“Might.” Rey nodded, taking another breath before stepping inside.

The air was filled with a sweet spice, almost cinnamon, yet there was a freshness to it. Hallways went down to the right and left of them, while photos and artwork took up the walls around them--but it was too crowded to see much else at the moment, with people all gathering around each other. It seemed that they were slowly moving into what looked like a much larger room just beyond.

Finn and Rey scooted forward, finally reaching Leia, who’d been greeting everyone as they’d walked in. She wore a brilliant violet dress and styled her hair into a low bun; more casual than Rey had been used to seeing her, but still put together in her usual way.

Leia’s brown eyes turned to hers, a wide warm smile spreading over her face. Rey grinned in return, as Leia wrapped her in a soft embrace.

“So happy you could come,” She said, letting her go to look her up and down, “And what a gorgeous dress that is, really brings out your eyes.”

“Thank you,” She beamed back at her, always thankful for her compliments, but never quite sure what to do with them.

“And of course, Happy to have you too Finn.” Leia turned to him giving him a big hug as well.

Finn grinned, “Yeah, yeah, I know she’s the favorite. Getting invites even when she’s ditched us.”

Rey stuck her tongue out at him, dimples still showing through her cheeks, as he exaggerated a sigh in response.

“You two couldn’t be more like brother and sister,” Leia laughed, as they shrugged at each other; they’d basically accepted that at this point.  

“Well,” Leia patted Finn on the back before starting to turn away, “There’s plenty of food out, you’re welcome to go around the house, and the grounds. But--I will find you at some point, Rey, because I hear someone is going into the Foreign Service.” She gave her one last pointed look, before moving on to welcome her other guests.

Rey swallowed, but nodded, before following Finn down the wooden steps to the great room below.

Rey’s eyes widened once again as she turned her head around the space; the whole back wall was filled with windows that lit up the room without a need for any lights; although there were plenty of sconces and recessed lighting throughout. There was a grand fireplace on the far right side, that stretched all the way up to the high ceiling above, which, she turned around--seeing the walkway of railing up above, that must connect the two sides of the second story with each other.

She pulled her gaze down again, at some of the familiar faces around her, who smiled and waved as she walked by, seeing a few people already seated on the large wrap around sofa, and people off in the far corner with drinks already in their hands--and another familiar face that was over by the large marble kitchen island over to the left.

“Hey!” Poe cried out, giving Finn his usual bear hug, as they laughed at some sort of inside joke for a moment--before Poe’s wide smile turned to her.

“So, you liking the new position, Rey?” He asked, grabbing for another chip to dip in some spinach and artichoke dip on the table.

“Oh, yes she is.” Finn sneered, before grabbing a few chips for himself.

Rey shot him a look, but quickly shifted her face into a pleasant smile when she turned to Poe.

“Yes, it’s been great. A Challenge in some ways, but great.” She nodded again, twirling her hands in front of her, looking around at the assortment of food on the counter.

“I’m sure, with that guy as your boss.” He shook his head and sighed, “Seems like that’d be torture.”

Finn raised a brow at Rey, crossing his arms. Obviously wanting to see her react.

But she just pursed her lips, then responded quietly. “He’s not so bad.”

Poe turned to talk with Finn again, the two of them getting wrapped up in some conversation about some sports team she wasn’t aware of.

She took that as a signal she could turn away, and discreetly made her way out of the busy kitchen.

Unsure of going up to anyone else really, she somehow found herself wandering out of the living room as well, down a hallway to the left. It turned and twisted a bit, just closing her off from the party around her.

Finally, she stopped, taking another deep breath as the light from a nearby window fell upon her.

She glanced outdoors, at a beautiful view of the tributary that led it’s way close to the house, but pulled her gaze away, to look at all the photos surrounding her. And smiled.

There was Leia--a very young, Leia, with a gorgeous dapple grey mare by her side. Rey cocked her head, she didn’t know Leia had horses or, used to. Whichever it was. Curiosity striking her, she began peering through the rest of the portals of memories spread out along the wainscot around her.

Leia, not too much younger, maybe a decade or so, sitting with some blonde but greying blue-eyed man in what appeared to be her same living room just around the corner--a different couch, but the windows still looked the same, yes, it must have been it.

And then--Rey froze, seeing a teenage Ben Solo grinning half-heartedly at her. It was probably a school photo, she realized; and couldn’t help but giggle at his large, but adorable ears sticking out from his shorter hair.

She then continued to search for him, looking all about the hall, finding another one across from her on the other side--he was standing with a few bags strapped onto him, and boxes by his side, with what appeared to be an NYU building behind him. Probably move-in day for the dorms, she realized. He was just standing with his hands in his pockets, sunglasses on, and a hat turned backward as he grinned sheepishly at the camera; probably embarrassed at having his photo taken. She couldn’t help but chuckle at that thought.

She sighed, looking around her again, finding another photo of what looked like the iconic Flatiron building in Manhattan--at least, she supposed it was--and, what looked like a twentysomething Leia, and--Rey blinked, moving in closer--a very, very young Ben, who was practically clinging to Leia’s leg. And… they were both standing with, who Rey realized, must be Ben’s father.

She swallowed, blinking rapidly as she looked between the three of them, at this memory, this point in time of whenever they must have really felt like a family.

Her chest tightened, her eyes stinging as she tried to swallow away the pang of something desperate rise up through her.

“That was about twenty-three, maybe twenty-four years ago now,” Rey jumped, turning to face Leia, who had evidently been standing beside her. She smiled softly at Rey’s startled expression, but continued, “back when we used to live in the city.”

Rey swallowed and glanced away, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

Leia raised her hand and shook her head, “These are photos displayed in my house, of course you’re welcome to look at them, Rey.”

Rey nodded, but couldn’t help but feel like a trespasser.

“But,” Leia arched a brow, as Rey noticed to the glasses of wine in her hands, “I was just looking for you, to see if you’d like to share a drink with me?”

Rey grinned, getting back to her usual contained exterior.

“Of course,” She bowed her head slightly, reaching to take the white wine.

Leia beamed at her in return, but turned away sharply, leading Rey on throughout the house once again, noticing it had become even more crowded and loud. Rey continued to follow her out the back door, leading out to patio filled with more people laughing and talking.

“Let’s go down by the water,” Leia beckoned, stepping down onto a short little trail that carved the way to the bank of the calm stream just in the distance.

“Are you getting excited for Orientation?” Leia looked up at her, still walking gracefully by her side.

“To be honest, it doesn’t even feel real.” Rey huffed, shaking her head. She truly couldn’t believe she was really going into the Foreign Service, not after she’d been waiting for it for so long now. She supposed she was excited--well, of course she was--but, something was holding her back.

“I understand that.” Leia sighed, as they reached a little deck at the edge of the stream. Wooden floorboards reverberated underneath the heels of her boots, as Rey glanced around, at the smooth glass top of the water, the sun dancing off its surface, then at the wall of amber-leafed trees just across the river. It was unbelievable, this place. But everything about her life seemed a bit too unbelievable at the moment.

“It’s like I don’t quite want to believe it yet, in case it gets… somehow taken away from me.” She spoke softly, almost distantly, as she stopped before the railing.

“Having hope taken away is often more painful than not having it in the first place.” Leia nodded, looking out at the scenery as well.

Rey finally took a sip of her drink, before she leaned her elbows over the side of the railing, dazing off into the water below.

“So, how has work been?” Leia cocked her head up towards her, but Rey didn’t meet her gaze.

“Good.” She replied quickly, before taking another drink, “We’re going on a trip to Croatia starting Monday.” She knew could feel the tightness in her own voice, and ground her jaw, hoping Leia didn’t notice.

“You’re not as enthusiastic as I’d thought you’d be about that, going off on a trip to an Embassy around the world, as a Diplomat would.”

“Oh, I’m _definitely_ thrilled to go,” Rey hurriedly responded, brows raising as she gave a sincere smile.

Leia nodded, but still kept her piercing gaze on Rey, before continuing. “I take it there are no hard feelings between you two anymore?”

Rey blinked, contemplating on what to say; but decided on something simple.

“No,” She shook her head quietly.

Leia nodded slowly, “And how is Ben doing?” She asked, hesitantly. The most hesitant Rey had ever heard her.

Rey took a deep breath. This was most certainly something she didn’t want to get in between. She didn’t dare mess up any chance for them having a real reconciliation, one she knew Ben would have to make himself.

“I think that answer is a bit complicated.” She finally replied, not daring to shift her eyes to Leia’s.

There was a moment's pause, a sharp lingering feeling in the air before Leia gave a big sigh.

“He looked like he wanted to be anywhere other than that Senate building the other day.” Leia raised her brow, taking another sip from her wine.

“Probably did.” Rey agreed, but quickly stumbled on as she caught that flash of hurt that went through Leia’s eyes--

“It’s not you, Leia.” Rey shook her head fervently, turning to face Leia now, “He just… I don’t think it’s my place to say.”

Leia blinked, her head tilting to the side, “But there’s something I don’t know, isn’t there?”

Rey nodded slowly, “Yes.”

Leia’s mouth opened for a moment, but she shook her head.

“I’m not trying to get it out of you, truly. You don’t need to explain any more than that.”

Rey swallowed, wishing she could just tell her everything, wishing she could fix this whole mess between them. But she couldn’t. This wasn’t her place. Wasn’t her family.

Rey pinched her brow, “I just think it’d be best if he were the one to tell you. And I think he will. I…” Her lip wobbled for a moment, wanting Leia to see, wanting her to know that this wasn’t how things would always have to be. “... I know he misses you.”

For the first time, Rey saw shock cross Leia’s face; her mouth had parted, her brow soft but raised, her face entirely devoid of any other emotion--until she quickly wrapped it all back into a warm smile.

“It sounds like he’s found a good confidant.” She continued to grin, gazing at Rey with a new look of wonder across her face. “Any intentions on keeping that relationship going when you leave?”

Rey felt her heart jolt and took a shaky breath before answering.

“Relationship?” She swallowed, internally cursing at how high pitched her voice just rang.

“I meant professionally.” Leia shrugged as if she had no idea what else Rey thought she’d been implying.

But Rey was almost certain she did.

“Maybe. I’m not sure.” She finally breathed, leaning back onto the deck railing, and looking out over the water.

Leia nodded from beside her but seemed to let it go. “Hm. Well, are you all ready to go to Croatia? You must be so excited.”

Rey perked up, feeling the anxious tremor throughout her nerves.

“Definitely excited. Ready to go? That I’m not so sure of.” She laughed, relaxing as she gazed back at Leia, “I still have to pack basically everything, _and_ somehow find a formal gown tomorrow, somewhere.” She shook her head at herself, she most definitely didn’t have anything appropriate for any Ambassador ball, or whatever was in store for them.

A flicker flashed in Leia’s eyes, “You know, I think I know where you might find one.” She smirked, reaching to give Rey’s hand a squeeze before giving her wink.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Leia could have in mind *hmmmm*
> 
> THANK YOU IF YOU'RE STILL READING, I appreciate you so much! 
> 
> Big thank you to @katieitsmee <3


	8. Compromising Situations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, as she realized what she was about to get to do today. She was going to a U.S. Embassy, she’d be meeting with diplomats that were living her future life. She’d had a little time now to process, after the initial shock of being admitted into the Foreign Service, and now she just wanted to get started already, to help however she could to make less conflict in the world around them. She was ready to go off and do exactly what she’d been dreaming of since she first learned what diplomats did, in that library… years ago now._
> 
> _She swallowed. A tinge of something bubbled inside her, but she quickly shook it off as she jumped out of bed; determined to not let any flashes of that part of her past even dare to reach the surface, especially not here, not now, not when it was all so… moot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're off to the start of a grand adventure ;)))

 

 

 

_“Be careful, Ren.”_

Hux’s gnawing voice echoed in his mind. But how was he supposed to push her off his shoulder, when she looked… like _that_. Like she’d never been more content in her life; her face devoid of any tenseness, her lips parted slightly as she breathed deeply in her slumber.

She’d been there for five hours now. At some point, she had let her left hand slip onto his thigh, holding it there, her lithe fingers dangerously too close to--

“Sir?”

Ben turned to the flight attendant dressed in a customary navy blazer and skirt.

“We’re making the last rounds for any more drinks, would you--” she glanced over at Rey, still sound asleep, and smiled as she lowered her voice, “or your girlfriend like anything before we land?”

“Oh, she--” he gave Rey a quick glance, but just sighed, “Um, no I don’t think so.”

She bowed politely, then turned away, continuing on throughout the first class cabin.

He decided it was probably time. Slowly, he reached his free arm over to her, gently touching her shoulder, which was exposed from her knit sweater having slipped as she’d slept.

“Rey,” He quietly started, seeing her begin to stir awake, “Looks like we’re about to land.”

“Hm?” She breathed, her face scrunching up before her eyes widened as she realized where her head… and hand was placed.

She hurriedly lifted herself off of him, “How long was I asleep?” she asked, her voice still achingly soft and sleepy, as she blinked rapidly, before arching her back in a stretch that was… completely unfair.

Ben swallowed, “For… awhile,” he managed to stumble out, before looking back at the cabin around him, checking, seeing if there was any need to be worried. But only a couple of others shared this little first class area, they were practically alone in their cocoon in the front row behind the flight attendant's area.

“I’m sorry,” She responded, abashed.

He turned to her, her eyes darting away from his, those cheeks turning a shade a scarlet.

He couldn’t help but grin. At least this was as difficult for her as it was for him if that was any consolation.

“Nothing to be sorry about.” He shook his head, as he sighed and looked out the window just behind her; it looked like the lights in the darkness below were getting closer.

It wasn’t too long before they landed. And after just a few stumbling moments of grabbing bags, they were at the open portal, the fresh, cool night air of  Zagreb, Croatia welcoming them.

“A runway exit,” Rey commented, as they began to step down the jetway. “I feel like I’m someone important.” She glanced around at him, a wide smile on her lips; the excitement of this new world seemed to be waking her up.

“Well, you are.” He replied simply.

A flight attendant, a male this time, greeted them as they descended the stairs. “Kylo Ren, Rey Johnson? Your ride is waiting for you over to the left.”

Ben nodded, then led the way forward, zipping up his own hoodie as he felt the chill in the air. It wasn’t usually something he’d wear, but, having decided to dress for comfort over a fifteen-hour flight, a hoodie, jeans, and sneakers seemed the most appropriate.

It seemed Rey had too, for along with her creamy soft knit sweater, she wore navy leggings that highlighted the fact she very much had an athletic build and other… assets… that he’d tried desperately not to stare at when he’d first seen her earlier that morning.

They rolled their way over to a dark sedan, where two men in black suits were standing beside it.

It was the usual greeting he was used to when traveling about, with the driver and security officer both nodding as he’d approached. They’d known who they were expecting and didn’t need further verification.

“We’ll have your bags over here in just a moment, Mr. Ren, Ms. Johnson.” The security officer greeted them, as they were loading up their carry-ons into the trunk.

“Good.” Ben shortly replied.

“Thank you, we appreciate that,” Rey added in response, a beaming smile across her face. No doubt making the officer fumble a bit as he turned away, speaking something into his transceiver.

Ben chuckled as he opened up the back door for her, “You should be careful with that charm of yours. May break some hearts you’re not intending to.”

“Charm?” She paused at the door, turning to face him with an arched brow and a playful flicker crossing those hazel eyes.

“See. You’re doing it now.” He arched a brow back at her. She quickly rolled her eyes, before sliding into the car, but not without a sly smile on her lips.

He shook his head and sighed, scrunching down to fit into the backseat beside her.

The driver was already in the front waiting for them, “We are going to _Naboo Resort_ correct?” He asked, a strong accent on his tongue.

“Yes.” Ben nodded, looking out the window at the security officer and a few baggage handlers hurriedly bringing their luggage over.

“Resort?” Rey’s lofty voice came from his right, “Sounds fancy.”

He gave her a glance, “Just some more of those perks you’re always asking about.”

Rey smirked, then sighed, more as if she was attempting to settle down excitement than out of exasperation.

After a few minutes of loading their gear, and the security officer stopping by to wish them-- well, _Rey_ \-- to have a nice stay, they were off.

They drove through what seemed to be the edges of the city, down narrow lanes lined with street lanterns that lit up the walls in a rich tint of orange rooftops and old architecture. In the night it was just giving hints really, of how beautiful and ancient, this city really was.

They twisted their way out of the city, up what seemed like a cliff, where no more street lanterns lit the way. Not too long after, they approached what seemed like a castle overlooking the city as a watch guard on a hill, it’s grand entrance welcoming them as their driver pulled up upon the old stone pavement.

Ben began to climb out of the car, but paused, noticing Rey was still pressed against her window.

“You know, you can see it better from out here.” He smirked, as she went to get out of the vehicle too, still not saying a word, eyes still on the-- admittedly-- dreamlike fortress in front of them.

They walked up the steps, two guards holding the doors for them, as a few hotel service workers strode out with a trolley in hand.

Inside, they were met by the concierge, a short, but sturdy man with ashy brown hair and a goatee to match, standing behind a large rustic counter.

“Kako vam mogu pomoći, gospodine?”

Ben shook his head, halting before the counter, “I don’t speak Croatian--”

The concierge's brows raised, “Oh! Thought I recognized you-- Mr. Ren, is it? And-- Ms. Johnson?” He turned his attention on Rey, who was still staring up at the chandelier above them.

“Yes,” Ben nodded, hands awkwardly going to the pockets of his dark jeans.

“Yes, we have your pictures on file, for identification purposes. Must be careful,”

Ben pushed his lips together, waiting for the concierge to pull up their information. Meanwhile, he kept stealing glances at Rey, who was still wandering her eyes about, leaning this way and that, taking in all the details he hadn’t yet cared to notice.

“Okay, if I can see your--” he raised his hand, moving in his fingers into a rectangular shape, “Passport, or no, I mean card, ID? Mr. Ren? For documentation. As well as the card you want to pay with.”

Ben nodded, showing him his ID, and handing over the State Department sanctioned credit card.

“It looks like we have a single large suite?” The concierge handed the cards back to him, but Ben frowned.

“It should be two rooms.” He shook his head.

“Oh, I am sorry.” The concierge turned back to the computer, typing away, “I am sorry again, it looks like we are out of rooms. Only the large suite. It is the holidays, sir.” He paused, looking between the two of them, “It does come with a large, uh, sofa. Very comfortable, very big.”

Ben bit his lip, sharing a room with her… that would definitely make things more difficult. But… he sighed, they didn’t exactly have an option tonight, did they? And they wouldn’t have to share a bed… not that, well, of course, he’d _want_ to… but no, no. That would make things not just difficult, it would be _impossible_. He turned to Rey, looking her over. She seemed to have just as uncertain of a look across her face.

“Do you mind?” He asked, his eyes searching hers, and then at her teeth biting down on her bottom lip, “You can have the bedroom.” he added, swallowing.

She finally nodded, “Sure, if, you think that’s a good idea.” Her face was composed, yet there was a hesitant, yet hopeful, tone to her voice.

He really wasn’t sure if it _was_ a good idea, but… now that he had started imagining sharing a room with her, he didn’t quite want to let that thought go.

“Are we good with this?” The concierge looked between them both.

Ben gave Rey another look, to which she nodded.

“Yes, we’ll take the room.”

“Excellent!” The concierge then started typing quickly, before pulling out a drawer and a few keys, handing them over to Ben as he continued, “It is the top floor, we do have new elevators to the right, but we are only four levels if you would like to take the stairs, the staircase is to the left. We still have our kitchen going, if you are interested in room service. The menu is in your room and with the number to call. As well as a map, this place is a complex building, but there are many amenities available to you for use.” He then motioned for the young man holding onto their trolley of suitcases, “Ivan can bring the suitcases to your room if you would like.”

Ben turned to this Ivan, “We can take the suitcases, it’s not a problem.” He grabbed the trolley from him, but not without slipping him some cash.

“Thank you,” Rey responded, smiling at all of them, before she started over to the elevators, Ben following her lead.

“I really hope they have pasta.” She started, as they got into the lift. “Or pizza. Yeah, I could definitely eat an entire pizza.”

Ben chuckled. “Well, we can get you whatever you want.” He could feel her smile at him but kept his gaze on his hand, which was gripping the brass trolley pipe tightly.

Once they reached their floor, it didn’t take too long to find their room-- they still had to wander down a maze of hallways, but, it was the only door at the end of one small corridor.

Ben took a breath as he used the key; electronic, despite how obviously old this building was, it still had modern updates where it was needed, then proceeded to push the door open.

Even he was taken aback by what was inside.

It was as if it were carved out of stone; there were archways that separated the rooms, from the entryway filled with vases and artwork to the colorful kitchenette to their left. The expansive living room before them-- the floor all hardwood throughout, and dark hardwood accents were displayed around the room, in contrast to the light, yet warm walls around them. A fireplace with greystone and a wooden mantel made up the corner of the wall between the far left and the back, while a large glass door looked as if they opened up to a balcony-- where even from here, they could see the lights from the city below.

“Wow,” He heard Rey start, her jaw dropped open in awe. She walked slowly forward, glancing this way and that, touching furniture pieces in amazement, before turning back to him.

“Wow,” Ben grinned back at her, eyes locked onto each other, before hers shifted away-- and she burst out into a wide, cheeky smile, as she noticed the two open double doors, which led to a room, a room filled with a gigantic, four poster bed-- with red curtains that were tied back on each end.

She quickly leapt into the room, tossing herself backwards onto the bed, laughing as she did so.

“This is _unbelievable!_ ” She cried out, before sitting back up on the bed, her hair now in a slight tussle, her lips quirked in that heartbreaking smile of hers, as she continued to dart her eyes all around her.

Ben could hardly breathe. But he tried, slowly swallowing, as he attempted to control those spikes of electricity he felt riling inside him. That excitement that he should definitely not be feeling, but, it was impossible to ignore, not when she was… right there… on that bed… that almost wild, ecstatic look across her face…

And then, _oh_ , she locked her eyes back on him, and he had to snap his jaw together, in a desperate attempt to force himself not to pounce over to her right that second.

She cocked her head, “Ben?” her eyes wandered over him, her brows pinching slightly.

“It’s, yes, it’s unbelievable,” He hurriedly responded, his voice cracking as he shook his head, trying to shake the rattling inside him.

He was beginning to realize this may have been a huge, gigantic, mistake.

 

* * *

 

_Veeeeep, VEEP, Veeeeep, VEEP_

Rey blinked, surprised to find herself surrounded by red-- she rubbed her eyes, it was red curtains--

So, she really _was_ waking up in a far away land, in a room that seemed to belong to royalty in a different time…

She sat up, her phone still beeping from the nightstand outside her little sanctuary, she quickly started to get out of bed and… _wow_.

The early morning light fell upon her the moment she’d yanked back those curtains. The warmth of the rays hit her, absorbing into her as she smiled.

She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, as she realized what she was about to get to do today. She was going to a U.S. Embassy, she’d be meeting with diplomats that were living her future life. She’d had a little time now to process, after the initial shock of being admitted into the Foreign Service, and now she just wanted to get started already, to help however she could to make less conflict in the world around them. She was ready to go off and do exactly what she’d been dreaming of since she first learned what diplomats did, in that library… years ago now.

She swallowed. A tinge of something bubbled inside her, but she quickly shook it off as she jumped out of bed; determined to not let any flashes of that part of her past even dare to reach the surface, especially not here, not now, not when it was all so… moot.

That was the word, right? It didn’t matter anymore. It _wouldn’t_ matter anymore.

She took another breath, and then feeling that light on her as she stood beside the window, out at the beautiful city below, a smile broke across her face once again. Yes, she was ready.

Still in her cozy grey tee and blue jogger PJs, she hopped over to the two doors, which opened up to even more light cascading from the windows and balcony to the right.

And there he was, already making coffee in the kitchen, his back turned to her-- he evidently wore sweatshorts to bed, and a tee; exposing his arms and lower legs. It was so… different, seeing him like this. She’d felt that way on the flight too, him in his hoodie and jeans, and how they’d hardly talked about work at all.

And now… well, it was almost too easy to forget she was here on a work trip, not on… well, what _most_ people probably used this suite for.

She swallowed, trying to clear her head before calling out to him.

“Good morning.”

He cocked his head towards her, then smiled.

“Good morning,” His voice… it was still so raw from just waking up, slightly raspy in a way that made her lip tremble, her breath catch. Was that really all it was going to take to undo her? She sighed, looking down as she walked over to the kitchen, pulling out a stool at the peninsula bar, before leaning over the counter to look up at him again.

And oh, those bright, warm brown eyes were on her, as he stood directly across the marble countertop, two coffee mugs in hand.

“Thought you might need this,” He slid the light blue mug over to her, keeping the red one in hand.

Her eyes widened in delight as she tasted the familiar, yet, unique blend of whatever this coffee ground was that mixed with the foamy milk inside.

“They have a cappuccino machine up here?” Her brows were raised, as she looked back up at him.

“That’s what you’re surprised about?” He chuckled, to which she sheepishly grinned back.

“Yeah, guess this place actually does have everything.” She took another sip, smiling at the fact he’d remembered she liked cappuccinos.

“Except two beds.” He sighed, taking a sip out of his own; which she knew was a dark roast with absolutely no cream or sugar.

She looked at the large burgundy sofa; it seemed like it’d be big enough, even for him, but undoubtedly still a bit uncomfortable.

“We could trade off if it’s too small for you…” She offered, twirling her thumb on the porcelain mug, holding back the _other_ offer she had in mind.

“Oh, no,” He shook his head, “It’s fine, really.” He sighed, then focused on her, his eyes dropping, then pausing, as his lips trembled for moment before he darted his gaze frantically around the room.

“Um, looks like we should leave, um,” he swallowed, glancing quickly at his watch, as he went to wash his mug out, “In about thirty minutes. Is that enough time for you?” He asked, still not looking back at her.

“Yeah,” She pinched her brow at the rising color in his cheeks, but continued, “However I should go get ready then.” She gave a small smile to him as she stood up, but his eyes barely met hers as he nodded quickly in response.

A frown escaped her as she turned away, striding back through the bedroom and into the master bathroom.

She looked up into the mirror, at her very messy hair, and tight-fitting cotton tee-- which left little, if any, to the imagination; including how very much awake her nipples seemed to be.  She let out a huff and shook her head, feeling stupid for forgetting she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Yet, she burst out into a cheeky grin, it’d been _that_ easy to make him blush. She couldn’t help but chuckle as she began to get dressed.

************

Rey hurried to keep up with Ben’s stride beside her; the clack of her heels quickening as they turned down a hall of the embassy, away from the last conference room they’d just walked out of.

“Should be this way,” Ben commented, pausing, before turning down another cream colored hallway to their right. Wooden doors passed them on their left and right, nameplates placed across them, as well as frames of photos covering the walls in between. Rey hardly noticed any of them, she was too busy thinking about all the faces she’d just met, the information she was still taking in from the various meetings they’d been included on.

They’d been here all day now, talking to various U.S. foreign service officers, even getting to be introduced to a few Croatian diplomats as well.

It was entirely surreal, she felt like she’d already begun her first steps as a Foreign Service Officer, even though she still had a long ways off until she’d be doing anything that these diplomats were.

She took a deep breath as they both halted in front of their destination; there were two large mahogany doors with the gold lettering, “Ambassador’s Office”, on the wall beside it; along with a guard dressed in a black suit, staring at both of them.

The guard nodded at them, stating their names in acknowledgment; it seemed everyone had studied their faces before they came here-- but Rey supposed that was usual security measures. He then turned to knock on the door.

“Yes, if it’s the department workers, let them in.” A voice called out from the other side.

Rey glanced at Ben, wearing his black suit and deep grey shirt today, but his attention was elsewhere. She quickly looked down at her grey pantsuit, fixing the neck bow of her white blouse, pulling at the ends of the cutaway blazer, then smoothing out her bun again out of habit. Just a last minute adjustment before those doors opened wide.

Rey stepped in after Ben, surprised to find the lighting a bit dark, with lamps set up and turned on even during this sunny day. Dark wood surrounded them, with a black leather couch to their left, a maroon chair to their right, and a large, eloquent desk directly ahead.

The doors behind them closed shut. The man behind the desk, dressed in an interesting and vibrant light blue suit, brought his eyes up to them. He had a dark complexion and greying hair with a mustache to match; and a face that was entirely unreadable.

“Well, well.” He sighed, slowly. “If it isn’t Ben Solo.”

Rey froze, darting her eyes to Ben, unsure of how he was going to react-- but, astonishingly, his lips quirked up into a small grin.

“Good to see you again, Lando.” He stepped forward, as the Ambassador stood up from his chair, leaning over to shake his hand.

“You as well, it’s been a long time.”

Ben nodded, bringing his hand back down beside him. The Ambassador quickly turned his attention to her, and she finally closed her mouth and stepped forward.

Ben turned towards her, his face softening just slightly, but more so than it had been all day. “This is my assistant, Rey Johnson.”

She grinned, moving up to stand beside Ben and take the Ambassador's hand, “It’s nice meet you, Ambassador Calrissian.”

“What a pleasure to meet you.” He responded in return, clasping his other hand on hers, before letting it go.

“She’s also soon to be a Foreign Service Officer.” Ben added, giving her a small smile, just as Lando began walking around his desk, eyes still on her.

“It seems you’re certainly a talented young woman, first having to deal with this one, then now to be a future diplomat as well.” He laughed, a deep, slow grumble.

Rey smiled widely, “Well, I appreciate that, but he’s not so much of a terror.” Rey glanced at Ben, meeting his gaze.

“Ha! Well, good to hear he’s been treating you right.” He smirked at them both, before motioning to the furniture around them.

Since he took the armchair, they both went to the couch. Rey sat with her hands in her lap and crossed her ankles; her knees turned away from Ben in an attempt to not bump them into his own.  

“Now,” Calrissian started, “I suppose we should start getting you up to speed with all the mayhem in this situation. All taken care of by yours truly,” He raised his brow at Rey, “Sorry kid, when you’re a diplomat you’ll see that all the praise goes to the ambassador,” he then laughed heartedly, before continuing. “But still, you need to be aware of what is most important out of all these updates we’ve been sending you. And I don’t know what you’ve already been told at the meetings today, but I’m sure there are _some_ things that haven’t been covered.” He frowned, shifting into a somber tone before he continued to dive into everything they’d already heard by now-- and yet, there definitely was some new information; Rey wondered if her ears were really meant to hear them.

After a few hours, and a few more notes of importance later, they were both back in the main lobby once again surrounded by dark columns and glossy floors.

“Well, that was certainly an interesting conversation,” Rey commented, as they walked leisurely towards the front doors.

“Which one?” Ben arched a brow at her, slowly loosening that work scowl he’d had on for the majority of the day; other than, it seemed, with Lando. She’d have to ask him more about _that_ later… but now, well she was just happy to have him back in his softer side, not the ‘Kylo Ren’ he still pretended to be.

“Right, well I guess all of them.” She chuckled, thinking of everything she’d gotten to listen in on today… her thoughts then drifted, thinking how someday, and someday soon, she’d get to be in an Embassy like this, maybe even this very one. She’d finally get to help in a way that seemed more natural to her. She didn’t mind at all that most of these diplomats were hardly behind their desk all day, mostly out traveling and working with people directly, and that’s exactly what she wanted to do.

“I take it you had a good day,” Ben paused, turning to face her. Something was burning behind those brown eyes… and yet, something melancholic was there too.

She smiled slowly, blinking as she looked him over, at whatever emotion she couldn’t quite read that he was hiding.

But before she could respond--

“Kylo!” A voice called over from behind Ben, as he quickly shifted his expression back to his steely mask.

“Yes?” He turned to face a young man, a diplomat that they had spoken with for quite a while earlier-- Tony? Was that his name?

“We’d like to take you to dinner,” He looked between the two of them, “Show you where some of the best food is in this town if you’re both willing?”

Ben glanced back at her, arching a brow. She grinned in response, and before he could reply--

“I take that as a yes?” The diplomat smirked, looking from Ben to Rey.

“Yes.” Rey beamed, before Tony spun around towards the front doors, telling them to follow.

************

The restaurant they’d all chosen to bring them to was enchanting; they were sitting out on a cobblestone street (that wasn’t in use; it looked like it was made for a time when traveling by horse was considered the most efficient); the architecture in this part of the city was old, barely touched, except for updated paint and the obvious modern fashion everyone wore as they passed by in the street.

They were hidden from the setting sun in this little cove, but there were plenty of lanterns to light up their little area. They all sat on a mixture of chairs and benches, as they’d pulled a few different tables together.

“It’s Rey, right?”

Rey glanced up from her plate, she’d been devouring some gnocci along with the braised beef that had come with it.

“Yes,” She responded, looking up at a blonde haired man to her left, “And you’re…” She squinted, “Sorry, I met a lot of people today.”

“No worries, it’s James.” He waved his hand, taking a drink out of a glass bottle of water, then glancing again at her, “But you’re going to be in the Foreign Service soon, aren't you?”

Rey nodded, “I start orientation in just a few weeks.” She could feel Ben beside her, turning his head slightly towards them, yet still having to focus on his own discussion he was having with a few diplomats to their right.

“Ooh,” A lighter, airier voice came from further down the table to the left, “I _loved_ orientation.” A red-haired woman, maybe in her thirties, called out to her, smiling as she met her eyes.

“Are you kidding me?” James called back to the woman, “Most boring month of my life. Especially compared to my life now.” He laughed, then reached for the glass of wine the waiter had just brought to him.

Rey grinned, then gave Ben a glance; it appeared he was now fully listening in on her side of the table, as his eyes followed the conversation as well.

“All I’m saying is it was exciting, getting to make friends with everyone, sort of like brothers and sisters, going off on an adventure together-- well, even if we’re not really going together,” The red-haired woman shrugged, taking a bite out of some interesting looking item from her plate-- but Rey wasn’t sure what it was.

“True, yeah,” Another voice spoke up, from a man with tan skin and smooth jet black hair, “I still talk to people I met there, and we’ve never even been stationed in the same place.”

Rey smiled, looking between all of them, “And where have you guys all been stationed?”

“Ohh, I’d have to sit back and think about that one,” A middle aged woman with mousy brown hair sighed from their right, it seemed the whole table was joining in on this now. A few other diplomats nodded in agreement, thinking to themselves for a moment too.

“Turkey was my first place.” James answered, raising his brows as he looked away for a moment, “Hell of a place to start out in.”

“Try Iraq.”

Rey looked back at the man with specs of grey in his chestnut hair, who’d been sitting directly across from her. He hadn’t spoken much the whole time, mostly focusing on his food, which Rey didn’t blame him for, as she’d been doing just the same up until a few moments ago.

“Okay, true, but it’s not a pissing contest.” James chuckled, nudging his elbow into the man, who gave James a smile in return.

“It always is, you know that.” His gruff voice responded, but with a chuckle in the back of his throat.

Rey reached for the glass of wine she’d yet to take a sip of, feeling Ben, perhaps unintentionally, scoot closer to her on the bench. She grinned, then took a drink before turning her attention back on the man in front of her.

“So, Baghdad, what was that like? If you don’t mind me asking?”

He shook his head, then dabbed his mouth with a napkin. “No, not at all. Well, I’d say not bad.” He shrugged, “Sometimes I’d have to wear a bulletproof vest, be transported by U.S. troops when going off into the field a little bit. But honestly, I really enjoyed my time there. I felt like, you know, it’s not what people imagine--” He then leaned in closer on the table, his blue eyes on her, “going off to work in fancy embassies-- host parties with royal families and all that; which is certainly fun.” He laughed, “But, it’s not why I signed up for it.”

Rey nodded, understanding that sentiment completely--and noticing, out of the corner of her eye, Ben was just as interested in this as she was.

“See, at the time, I felt lucky to start off my service with doing exactly what I signed up for.” The man continued, “I felt like my work there could possibly mean something. Get our troops out of there maybe, maybe that was a pipe dream but I worked every day to try and make peace more possible. The tough part was that my family couldn’t go, not on that trip, so they had to stay behind in D.C. for a year. But they knew I was doing something worthwhile.” He gave a small, half smile.

“I bet that was hard,” She responded, her eyes softening as she looked at the man across from her. She knew that while, usually, if you had a family they’d come with you on your assignments-- some placements were just simply too dangerous.

“Oh, the hardest part, for sure.” He nodded. Then, a warm smile appeared across his face,  “But when I got off that plane after those fourteen months away from them, my little girl was then five, she’d grown so much… and of course, I’d see her on skype and all that but, when she ran up to me, saying “ _you came back, you came back!_ ” He shook his head, grinning to himself, lost in the memory, “I’d never cherished a hug so much in my life.”

Rey felt her hand trembling, daring to drop the glass of wine. She carefully, shakily, put the glass down, eyes focused on the end of the stem reaching the table.

“I’m sure she felt the same way.” She responded, a hollow tone in her voice, as she quickly strapped a smile on her face.

He chuckled, ”Oh I remind her of that when she does some of her teenage stunts now when she doesn’t want me to go to the movies with her, things like that. I know, I know, she’s gotta enjoy her own life.” He waved his hand, sighing, “But, she’s my kid.” He said with a shrug as if that was just what it was like, being a parent.

Rey could barely swallow. This shouldn’t affect her like this. _Get it together, this isn’t about you_. _And_ _It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter anymore._ She quickly took a few breaths, her eyes darting all across the table, scrambling to focus on something other than the squeezing in her chest. Thankfully, the man had started talking to someone else, the table around her buzzing, leaving her alone in her own attempt at grabbing back control.

“Everything alright?” A warm, familiar deep voice whispered from her right.

Rey flashed her eyes to him, at his piercing gaze, searching her, scanning her. She could practically feel the tremors of concern bouncing off him, as he reached a hand under the table, lightly grazing her thigh.

Finally, she was able to take a few steady breaths, as she focused on the electric tingling she felt down her leg.  

“Of course,” She blinked back at him, her lips quirking into a half-hearted smile.

A light wrinkle to his brow formed, but he simply bowed his head, before bringing his hand back to the table.

Suddenly, the sound of glass being lightly tapped was ringing out to all of them, as a bald man with square spectacles stood up from the far end.

“A toast,” He began, as everyone began to reach for their wine, “to diplomatic negotiations finally working out,” A gentle laugh echoed from all corners of the table, as Rey scurried to hold up her wine glass along with them. The man’s eyes then turned to both Ben and hers,  “And to our guests, guests of our own this time, it’s nice to have our homeland counterparts here with us. And-- to a soon to be ‘one of us’, as well!”

“Hear, hear!” Voices rang out, as all eyes turned to her. She let out a sigh, and then beamed brightly at all of them, raising the glass to her lips as well. For now, she’d pushed those feelings back, as she always was able to do, down to the vault they’d belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I just can't resist the whole 'oh no, they only have one room left!' trope. *bwahaha*
> 
> Well, I certainly hope you're feeling the tension rile up; things next chapter are gonna get a bit spicy. But also...incredibly, incredibly, emotional. Be prepared; you'll be hearing Rey's story soon. 
> 
> And don't think I forgot about that dress Leia gave her ;)


	9. Falling Like the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a reason I changed that rating from M to E. Mostly because I don't know the difference, and wanted to make sure I didn't *underrate*.
> 
> This one...oh man. I knew how this was going to have to play out, I knew how emotional this had to be, especially for Rey, in order to go forward with...them... So here it is, a giant chapter, [sorry, just, felt odd splitting this up], filled with some, hard emotions, and some...well, very soft, but then, hard in a different way….a more fun way *smirk*
> 
> And yes, the title of this chapter is a song by James Arthur. I listened to it a lot while writing this, as well as Wildest Dreams (TSwift)...Treacherous(also Tswift)...Let Me Love The Lonely (James Arthur)...in case you wanted to know the moods going into this ;)
> 
> BIG Thank you to @katieitsmee for listening to me ramble to her throughout the entire writing process of this one. This was a challenge, but definitely a fun one. 
> 
> Enjoy! *blows a kiss to my lonely and broken space babies who deserve nothing but love*

 

 

Despite it being late December, the air here was far warmer than the that of D.C.

Rose had sent her photos of the snowstorm that had just hit overnight; meanwhile, Rey was perfectly comfortable in a light wool sweater and jeans. Even had the need for sunglasses on this bright early afternoon.

It was _finally_ the weekend. They’d both been so exhausted from all the meetings and traveling around they’d done this week; nearly working from 8 in the morning until 10 at night-- well, if you could call dinners with politicians and diplomats ‘work’, that is. But it was still tiresome in its own way.

And so they didn’t much feel like going into town for lunch, and instead, ended up strolling down to the hotel restaurant.

Even with their close quarters, it really felt like the first time they’d been alone all week. Except, of course, the early morning coffee talks-which had quickly become a habit; one that she enjoyed greatly. But also one that after their first day, Rey remembered to get dressed _before_ going out into the living room.

So now here they were, eating a quiet meal together on the stone paved patio, where numerous other guests were dining as well.

Rey sighed, looking out at the city below. They’d picked a spot away from anyone else, where they stuck out a little ways from the ancient manor. Every now and then a cool breeze would glide towards them; it was just enough to make her shiver-but the sun would warm her up an instant later.

“Is that a happy sigh?” His inquiring voice came from her left.

She turned her eyes back to him, dressed in a black sweater and dark jeans, still eating some sort of dish with lamb. But he kept darting his eyes to her, trying to scan her, a bit unsuccessfully as her own eyes were hidden from view. He’d been… doing that all week. Questioning her, asking in as many different ways that he could if she was okay, ever since that dinner the first night. She was determined to show him she was.

“Definitely,” she grinned back at him, sighing again for emphasis, “It’s an absolutely gorgeous day, and later, we’re going to yet another absolutely gorgeous place.” She’d been ecstatic for this all week, thinking about this Ball or Gala or whatever it was-- she honestly didn’t know the difference.

Ben nodded, satisfied that she was telling the truth.

“And what about you?” Rey arched a brow back at him, “Is that a happy or disgruntled pout?”

“I’m not pouting,” He shook his head, “I just… I’ve done plenty of formal gatherings.” he shrugged.

“Well, Unca Wanwo seems to be excited for tonight.” She gave a cheeky side smile, bringing her thumb up to her lip as she held back a chuckle.

“You don’t have to keep bringing it up, you know.” Ben sighed, exasperatedly, an edge of chagrin in his voice.

But Rey just laughed, “Oh, yes I do,” She pushed her sunglasses up to rest on top of her hair, her eyes narrowing at him teasingly. “And I _will_ get him to send me those photos of you two.”

Ben squinted back at her, yet a smile started to creep up on his lips, “And why would you want those?”

“For blackmail, obviously.” She shrugged, sneering back at him.

“Hmm. Then maybe I should find some humiliating photos of _you_ when you were younger.” He threatened, yet his jaw was working in that way of his when he was trying to hold back a smile.

“Trying to push a containment strategy on me?” Rey crossed her arms, “Well, you’re going to be tough out of luck on that one.” She lifted her chin, confidently. “You won’t find any.”

Ben leaned over the table, eyes getting closer to hers, a dark yet playful tone to his voice.  “You underestimate my abilities. _Everyone_ has embarrassing childhood photos.”

She swallowed but kept her tone even. “Not everyone.”

A shift in his eyes, a pinch to his brow; but just as he started to open his mouth--

“How was the food? You all like?”

Rey quickly turned her head to their waitress, a young blonde woman who’d been perfectly pleasant, and had mostly let them keep to themselves.

“Yes, it was very good, thank you,” Rey quickly responded, still feeling Ben’s eyes on her.

The woman then reached for their plates, clearing off the little wooden table, and letting them be once again.

“Well,” Rey let out a breath, as she turned her attention back on Ben, “When should we be getting ready then?

He looked down at his watch, lips squirming as he thought for a moment.

“We should probably be arriving at 5:00,” He began. “This place is a little ways away, up on the coast. So we need to leave in two hours. That’s-that’s enough time for you, right?” He pinched his brow, evidently just now remembering it generally takes a longer time to get ready for a fancy ball-gala-whatchamacallit.

But Rey just chuckled, “I think I can manage putting on a dress in two hours. And, well, I hardly know what I’m doing with my hair and makeup, but I’ll figure it out.” At least, she hoped she would. She had a few ideas from Pinterest, nothing that seemed too complicated to do on her own.

“I’m sure you’ll look lovely.” His eyes had softened, in the warm way they did that made it hard to look away. She could feel the color rising in her cheeks, her heart jumping for a beat or two; partially because of the compliment, but partially… because she _still_ hadn’t mentioned whose dress she’d be wearing tonight.

And she had no idea how he was going to take it.

 

* * *

 

He kept glancing at his watch. They had plenty of time still, but it was just a nervous habit of his. Something to keep him preoccupied.

Preoccupied while he stood, dressed in his black tuxedo on the back balcony, waiting for her.

He’d left the glass door open, letting the fresh air go throughout the living room behind him-- and, so he’d hear whenever she was ready. Which, judging by the sound of two doors clicking open, was right now.

He swallowed, preparing himself, knowing whatever she’d decided to wear would be wonderful on her--but he stumbled-- his hand gripped against the railing beside him, as his eyes turned towards _her._

His mind went blank, his chest jumped, as he finally remembered to breathe. Her body… in that flowy, ombre sort of dress, fading from yellow to a light purple on the ends. Her shoulders, they were muscular, yet soft, and her chest… the way it rose and fell. Her hair was sleek yet curled, not a strand out of place and tucked behind her ears, which adorned gold earrings that matched the sort of loops that were on the dress-- and, oh, her _eyes_ \-- they were cat-like, more so than usual, with a shimmery shadow that perfectly complemented every strand in her mix of amber and fern irises. Her cheeks seemed to redden under his stare, but he wasn’t about to take his eyes off her.

“You… you look… you’re _beautiful_.” He finally managed to stumble out, his mouth still agape, his eyes still lacking discreet.

“Thank you,” She finally smiled, as if she had been nervous, as if she hadn’t known how absolutely breathtaking she looked wearing _that_. And then he realized, his breath catching yet again--

“ _That dress_ ,” He started, pinching his brow in disbelief, “It’s--”

“Padme’s.” Rey cut in, nodding her head, and biting her deep blush lips.

He blinked, processing. How did-- but of course; he knew Rey and his mother still had this friendship between them, but, as everything from Padme and Anakin had been meant to pass on to each person in the family...and him being the sole heir of his generation… it technically made that dress _his._

_And it was on her._

“I hope that’s okay,” Rey shuffled her hands in front of her, looking away from his intense stare, “I didn’t have a proper dress and--”

Ben quickly interrupted her, “It’s perfect. _Perfect_ on you.” His chest swelled as he looked her over again, her bright eyes back on his as he slowly walked towards her.

She took a deep breath, smiling, relaxing as she gazed up at him.

“Well look at you,” She let her eyes wander over him, taking one step closer to reach her delicate hand to the sleeve of his jacket, “Velvet?” she quirked her head back up at him, an arch to her brow, as she flashed those eyes back up to his.

He swallowed, thoughts shifting to her hand still lingering on his bicep, before remembering to respond.

“Have to look at least presentable next to you,” He grinned, his voice a low hum.

“You look more than presentable, Ben. You look like a prince.” She smiled softly, lips parted, her eyes turning darker, as her lashes fluttered at him.

Gods, he wasn’t sure if he could do it, not with her tantalizing him like that, not when she was making it incredibly obvious of her attraction to him as well. His eyes glanced to the bed behind her, but no… they had somewhere to be. People were expecting them. And… they still couldn't. Or, shouldn’t.

He took a deep breath, “Well, we should be going, Princess.” He hummed back to her, holding his arm out for her to take in hers.

It didn’t pass him that she’d glanced back at the bedroom too, or that she chose to place her other hand on his arm as well, leaning closer to him as he led the way.

*************

The drive wasn’t too long, they’d traveled through mostly gorgeous countryside-- and yet, he’d hardly taken his eyes off of her. Always glancing at her, hardly believing she was real.

She’d turned to him at one point, exasperatedly showing him some pictures of her cat, BB, with some ruined curtains and various broken pots on her phone; her friend Rose had been taking care of him, and evidently, he’d been causing a bit of ruckus while she was gone. Probably didn’t appreciate being away from her for so long… which, he couldn’t blame the poor guy.

“ _What_ am I going to do with him?” She’d groaned, still laughing at the photo of him screaming while stretching up against a wall.

“Maybe you should just take him with you next time.”

“Well, he’s certainly coming with me wherever I do end up going eventually, just, didn’t think he’d react like this for such a short trip.” She shook her head, exasperated.

“He just doesn’t know why you left.” He smiled back her, “But he’ll be fine when you get back.”

She sighed, a frown stumbling upon her face, but nodded back to him.

Finally, they were here. They’d crossed the front gates, following a paved driveway up towards an old palace, or castle, he wasn’t entirely sure which. Chimneys and towers stuck up in the now faded sky, the sun dancing brilliantly off of light stone and deep rustic orange rooftops. Hundreds and hundreds of windows were spread throughout the massive structure, while the lawn around them dipped, to where you could make out the dark water just beyond, sparkling in the distance of this cove of the coastline.

Grinning, he turned his gaze to Rey; her face faltering into both shock and awe as she stared across at the incredible view. Dozens of cars were already ahead of them, people walking up the expansive front steps, and it seemed, some of the media were there as well, with the flashes of light that went off with each group arriving.

He sighed, but he should have expected that. Not that it mattered, photos of them arriving at this Gala would be expected as well.

Soon, it seemed it was their turn. A greeter went to open Ben’s door, and so he slid out first, before turning to reach his hand out to Rey, who sat frozen in her seat.

“Rey?” He leaned back into the car, eyes shifting over hers, as she quickly blinked and shook her head.

“Sorry--” She started, taking a deep breath as she raised her hand up to his.

Gently, he helped her out of the car, hand still bracing hers, as her eyes darted up all around at their welcoming ensemble. He swallowed, nodding and bowing his head to the people as he passed by. A few flashes hit them as they walked ahead, and Rey blinked away, wrapping her hand tighter around his bicep as he lead her forward.

“Don’t be afraid,” He spoke softly, only for her to hear.

He heard her let out a breath, as she loosened her grip on his arm.

“I’m fine, really.” She whispered back to him. “Just… not used to this.” She then raised her eyes up to glance around them as they climbed the stairs.

Ben’s eyes wandered to hers, “Not why you’re signing up for the Foreign Service, is it?” He teased, with a grin.

She chuckled quietly, “No, at the moment I think I’d rather be in Bagdad with body armor on.”

He let a small laugh escape him, but he knew she meant it.

She was starting to stand straighter, losing her tenseness as she gazed around and smiled. So he relaxed too, as he led her over the threshold and into the entrance beyond.

It appeared they were hardly early arrivals, with the noise of laughter, as numerous suits and dresses glided about them, all greeting each other or already lost in some conversation. But even with all the people, almost every eye turned towards them, well, _her_ , as they stepped down from the small front entrance to the open, brilliant grand hall.

Ben glanced down at Rey, grinning at the pink in her cheeks; she truly had no idea the effect she had on people, did she?

Just then, a thin, confident short-haired woman with a light gown marched purposefully over to them.

“Ah, Kylo, so happy you could make it.” She reached her hand out to him, adorned in various gem-toned rings.

“Pleasure is all mine,” He grinned back in response, stretching his free arm out to shake the Croatian Minister of Foreign Affairs’ hand.

“And-- oh _my_ \-- _Rey_ , you look like you could be one of the _plemstvo--_ the nobility, we are having here tonight.” She took Rey’s hand in hers as Rey finally let go of Ben’s arm.

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” Rey beamed widely, “And you look gorgeous in that dress, Minister Mothma.”

With that, they continued to have multiple similar greetings, people admiring Rey, as she blushed deeper with each comment. Ben held back from laughing as one young man, (well, child, more like) who was most likely a distant royal member of some Crown, bowed and kissed Rey’s hand-asking her if she’d been betrothed.

“Erm-no,” Her eyes had darted to Ben’s before her face went red, “But, um, I do wish you well at that endeavor.” She bowed her head slightly at the young boy, giving him a warm, apologetic smile, before hurriedly floating back over to Ben.

“‘Wish you well at that endeavor?’” He repeated back to her, arching a brow, “Just had to break his heart, didn’t you?” He smirked, as they strode out from the main hall, out to a beautiful, intricate garden filled with hundreds of circular tables cloaked in white cloths.

“I’m sure that when the time comes, plenty of girls his age will line up for him.” She laughed, shaking her head as they found a table underneath a hanging of lights and up against a wall of shrubbery, and decided to take a seat.

The dinner was absolutely delicious. They’d been given various different samples of typical Croatian and Slovenian dishes alike, (which, were definitely similar, considering the history of the two). But it was another simple gesture. After all, this Gala was celebrating another step forward between the two country’s relations.

They’d shared a mostly quiet meal together, some others joining them, but mostly keeping to themselves. It was a small breather before going about the crowd in the main hall once again; this time, Ben got pulled into a conversation between Lando and a few Croatian Diplomats.

As for Rey, she caught the attention of two young relatives of the former Yugoslavia Crown Prince, well, former in the sense that the family was no longer active politically, even if the family still lived in old castles, and still participated in events such as these.

Ben couldn’t help his glances over to Rey, at her smiling and giggling with the two other young women.

“We are disappointments,” He heard one of them mention, “But it’s no matter. The throne will never be one of ours, we’re about ten seats behind. Even if it is reinstated.”

“Well,” The other one spoke up, “They’ll keep pushing us back if it gets too close anyway.” They both laughed, with their matching blue eyes, one with dark hair and one with light chestnut hair.

The taller, darker haired woman started again, “But Rey, tell us more. I hear that British accent-- and well, obviously you are going to be an American Diplomat, not British, but you must have some stories from there, before university?”

“Oh I don’t know if I do,” He heard Rey’s hesitant voice, “But yes, I know, it seems odd at first, being from one country, and representing another,” He glanced over again, at her twirling her hands in that way of hers she did when she was nervous about something.

The dark haired woman laid a light hand on Rey’s shoulder, “Ah, no, not odd, interesting! But where are you from, exactly?”

Ben’s attention was completely on them now, even though he kept turning his eyes to his own group at times to keep up the facade of his presence.

“London.” She replied simply. Like she always did when asked that question.

But both of the women turned to each other, as wide open grins burst out of them.

“London!” The chestnut haired girl cried out, smiling widely.

“We _love_ London, tell us, did you ever meet with the princes? I remember them being very nice, eventually, but a bit, uh not used to us at first.” The dark haired one snickered.

He heard Rey huff and glanced over to her again, noticing her still shuffling hands, “Er-no, no I can’t say I have. Didn’t exactly grow up in the same circles.”

“I see,” One of them nodded, but shrugged, opening her hands out in exclamation, “Well look at you now!”

“Yes, look at you, you are a lost princess finally taking the crown.” The other raised her glass of probably about five hundred dollars worth of champagne.

Rey blinked, looking down, “This dress is pretty amazing, I have to admit,” she chuckled, a sheepish smile on her face, as her hands still fidgeted before her.

“Not the dress-- well yes the dress-- but you were just telling us, you went to ah, Princeton, and you’re _here--_ and one day you going to end world conflict. Your parents, they must be so proud! Certainly prouder than ours,” The dark haired one chugged at her glass, while the other laughed.

“Yes, they’d gladly trade us for you, I think. Discard us away.” He heard the chestnut one, with a light airy voice, respond.

But he heard nothing from Rey, and quickly glanced over again, noticing her face had faltered, her hands frozen in front of her.

“I kid, I kid, they don’t really hate us--” One leaned into her, assuring her, it seemed as Rey smiled quickly in return.

But that smile didn’t reach her eyes.

The two continued talking to her, going off about something else now, about their own family drama, while Rey just… stood there, eyes looking a bit hazy, while she didn’t open her mouth to speak again. He wondered if she was just getting tired, when--

“Er, Kylo? What about you?”

Ben quickly pulled his gaze from her, back to the diplomat in front of him, “Yes?” He stuttered out.

The man with a dark wavy mustache frowned “Yes? You think that is what their position is?”

Ben blinked, shaking his head, remembering how he was just having a conversation with these men circled around him, “No, I… apologize, I just started thinking… No, I don’t believe we’d have to be worried about that at all, I think they’re focused on a… different area of interest at the moment.”

Another stuffy suited man started speaking again, and Ben tried to listen, but his thoughts wandered back to Rey. He peeked over, but she was _gone_. His eyes jumped around the room, attempting to spot any sign of her, but to no avail.

He pursed his lips. Again he attempted to focus on the conversation he was supposedly apart of-- but then, he caught Lando’s eye. The old friend gave a sly wink and an arched brow, before darting his eyes to the right, nudging his head that way as well.

Ben swallowed, nodding gently, before excusing himself from the group; hurrying off in the direction Lando was hinting.

He ducked into the side corridor but was only met with other wandering groups of people, coming towards him from the garden beyond.

Thinking, _maybe she went back for more food_ , he decided to continue outside, the lights twinkling against the now twilight sky. Yet she still wasn’t there. Not in any seat, not by the open courtyard area by the fountains and statues, not by the open bar, no, she’d vanished.

He puffed, shuffling his fingers when he spotted it; a path opened up to the side of the courtyard, like a small door between the wall of shrubbery and the castle. Where it led, he didn’t know, but something, almost like a voice in the wind, told him to follow it.

He marched down the narrow trail between stone and brush until finally, it opened up to a hidden private balcony with arches of stone railing; where a lonely girl, cloaked in a cascading dress of yellow and lilac, stared out into the great valley of ocean below.

Something in his chest tightened at her sight; how tall and frigid she stood, even as the wind touched the edges of her hair and dress.

“Too crowded in there for you?” He called out to her, taking slow, long steps to her, as she sharply turned her head to him.

She was completely unreadable, her face almost… blank.

“No, just wanted to come see the view.” She replied, hollowly, turning her eyes back to the sea.

Ben frowned, brows pinching, as he walked up beside her on the railing.

“It’s pretty incredible,” He nodded, following her gaze.

“Yes.” She responded shortly. Her eyes… they looked like they were in a different place.

Ben leaned onto the stone railing, continuing to search her face. He frowned at how controlled she seemed to be, not letting a slip of emotion through. He huffed in frustration, and glanced around; no one was even within sight of them, not with the wall of shrubbery behind them, or the castle to the left, and nothing but open air and the valley before them.

He shifted his posture, facing his body towards hers. He caught that lock of her jaw, as she swallowed and breathed in, a tiny break in that mask. But it was enough to scream that something was definitely, definitely wrong.

“Rey… what’s going on?” He pleaded quietly, intensely, daring her to look at him.

Finally, _finally_ , her eyes wavered, as they shifted slowly towards him. But what he saw there confused him even more; they were trembling, from one second of complete steel to one second of blurred misery and remorse.

Her lips parted slowly as she took a deep breath.

“I just thought,” She began, her voice filled with unexpected pain, “Being here… about to become the diplomat I’ve been trying to become… being surrounded by the world I’ve been trying to belong in… I didn’t think I’d still feel so…” She stopped, looking away, her brows pinching together.

Ben’s mind raced, she was shaking before him, still struggling to find her words. Being here… maybe it was too much. _Maybe she’s feeling overwhelmed_ , the thought crossed his mind, with her being surrounded by all this when she’s still so young and just growing into her career.

“Rey,” He shuffled closer to her, nearly hovering above her now, while she still faced away, looking off into the night. “There is _no one_ here tonight that belongs here more than you.”

She shook her head defeatedly, her voice entirely too small. “There’s always a reminder. A reminder that leaving it all behind isn’t possible.”

His nerves started to tingle. He could feel it, whatever it was that she was holding back, fighting to get out of her. It wasn’t about the party… nor was it about this trip.

“Leaving what behind?” He spoke quietly, softly.

Those hazel eyes then snapped back to his, now swelling with unshed tears. Ben clenched his jaw, his brow shaking and furrowing as he tried to understand, tried to show her he was there, he was listening, that she didn’t need to hold this in.

She took a deep breath, then began.

“I… didn’t exactly have a happy childhood. I was left. My parents _left_ me in the streets of London when I was five years old…”

Ben was frozen; a coiling, icy disbelief, went trickling through him.

“I was, taken in by this, man. Barely fed me. Barely cared if I existed at all.” She then shook her head, lowering it as she braced her hands against the stone.

“I always loved school. It was...an escape” She continued, raising her head back up, but avoiding his stare, “I think it was freshman year of high school when I… when I was just spending an evening in the library like I always did… when they turned off the lights, locking up, not realizing I was curled up in a back corner reading.”

Her brow pinched, furrowing upwards, as her lips trembled in a desperate attempt to keep the tears in; a look of shame spread across her face.

“So I… ended up doing that. A lot. It was better than… better than being anywhere else.” She choked out, continuing; her voice shaking and hardly under control, “I had all the time to study in the world. I thought that was how I could escape it. Go to a great school, get a great job…” She turned to him, complete agony in her eyes. Her nostrils flared, as she breathed deeper, _still_ trying to control herself.

“I dreamed of other worlds, like I read in those books, just telling myself someday I’d get to see all that, and then… And then it would all just…” her voice dropped to a shuddering whisper, “That it wouldn’t matter, that they never came back.”

Her face then fell open, in a dark, empty, forlorn expression; the tears finally spilling over in a wild and desperate break from their barrier.

He felt the tears swell in his own eyes, feeling her anguish, his fists clenching as he imagined her… first, as a five year old, alone on a street, eyes wide and lost… searching for them… probably calling for them… then he saw her, a young teen, scared about getting in trouble, but curled up at night by a bookcase… she must have been so lonely. How did she-- how did she turn out to be this… this incredible woman he’d grown to know… when they had done that to her… he ground his jaw, nearly breaking his own teeth, as he held back slamming his own fists into the stone.

“But it _still_ matters. I don’t think…” She sighed deeply, heartbreakingly. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget how I’d felt so alone. How I’m _still_ so alone.” Her voice broke, as her chest fell, heaving, as her whole body quivered as she stood there, crushed with the weight of everything she’d been smothering inside her for so long.

He reached a trembling hand to her cheek, brushing the tears aside as he bore his eyes into her, _begging_ her to look at him.

His heart jolted when she finally did; those eyes flashing back at him, _still_ with that light that was always there, shining at him since the moment he met her.

“You’re _not_ alone,” His voice ached, as he blinked to hold back his own pain at seeing her like this. “Rey… you’re so much stronger than you know… I don’t know anyone… there’s _no one_ … who could’ve come out of that with this _light_ you have to you.”

Her eyes were now melting into him, as he brought both his hands to her face. Her hands cradled into his chest, as he lowered his forehead onto hers, “But you don’t have to be strong all the time. Not with me.” It was a promise, one he hoped she understood.

Rey breathed steadier, nodding beneath him, letting the tears continue to fall down her face. He pulled her in, wrapping her up in his arms, squeezing her as tight as he could. She buried herself into his shoulder, as he tucked her into him, placing a gentle, sweet kiss on the top of her head before he could stop himself. But he didn’t care. He just wanted her to know, wanted her to understand; that if she’d let him, he’d stay holding her like this forever.

“We don’t need to stay any longer. We can go, we can do whatever you want.” He pledged to her. He felt her nod again, but she pulled back, gazing up at him with a softer, warmer look on her face.

“Let’s go,” she replied, voice still shaky, yet… something else in her tone as well.

He put an arm behind her back, leading her forward. He spun her away from any who tried to walk up to them, not that she had too many signs of her crying anymore, no tears down her face, not a trace of makeup out of place-- yet her eyes were still red and puffy. He knew she didn’t want to speak to anyone else like this. He lead her through side passageways, finding a side exit to the front lawn.

As they waited on their driver, he continued to hold her, rubbing her back, not caring at all about anything else, thoughts on nothing else but her-- and _never_ letting her feel this way again.

 

* * *

 

The door to their hotel room clicked open, as she stood behind him, twirling her hands. It’d been a silent trip, yet the way his hand held hers had been loud enough. She’d fought leaning into him the whole ride, but couldn’t stop from glancing at him, his eyes always darting to hers, pulling at that thread inside her; the one that seemed to be latching onto _him_.

She took a deep breath before stepping around him to go inside, eyes diverted, moving in various directions as her thoughts were spinning.

 _His eyes as she’d told him, they had been red too, and melting into an emotion she’d never seen before_ . The door shut behind her. _“You’re not alone,” he’d promised her, a declaration, one she’d felt as his fingers had brushed against her cheek, so softly, so reverently._  Another step forward, the lamps in the living room lighting up all around her. _His body wrapped around hers, his lips at her hair, his arms holding her in a way no one had ever held her._ She paused, standing beside the open double doors to the bedroom beyond, and turned to him.

He stood there, in that suit made for a prince, at the bar of the kitchen, where he’d laid down their belongings. Those eyes hadn’t changed. They still yelled at her from across the room, telling her everything she needed to know.

She swallowed. This was her call now.

“Ben,” She started, her voice a little shaky after having a far too wide range of emotions play out inside of her.

“Yes?” He asked, a trill of anxiety in his tone as well. Brown eyes attempted to read what she knew was a contradictory face, as nerves spiked up through her, some through fear, some through a different kind of excitement.

Her chest continued to rise and fall for a moment before she continued, “Will you stay with me tonight?”

His lips quivered as he blinked back at her.

“Yes,” He nodded, eyes still on her, as he slowly began closing the gap between them, one long step at a time.

Rey swallowed, waiting until he stopped just a few feet before her. Her heartbeat quickened. She knew how he’d answer, yet, perhaps that’s what sent nervous jitters throughout her; knowing that after the next question she’d ask, there’d be no going back.

“Also,” She breathed, “Will you help me out of this dress?” She asked coyly, eyes dancing between his, mouth lingering open.

“Yes.” He answered again, his voice now at a low whisper, his hungry eyes moving to her lips.

She turned, pulling her hair to the side, as he moved up behind her. His hands began tracing her exposed back; but then, they squeezed against her waist, as his lips grazed a soft kiss against the back of her neck-- her breath caught, as a spike of electricity to trickled down her spine.

“Is _this_ what you wanted, Rey?” He breathed into her ear.

She turned to face him, her heart skipping at the feeling of his hands followed along with her movement, gliding across her waist.

“Yes,” She whispered, sliding one hand inside his jacket, tracing over his shirt, her other hand moving upwards to his shoulder, to his hair, to his face, to that scar; feeling a burning desire rage through her as his dark eyes echoed hers.

His lips trembled, “I’m still your boss, you’re still my employee,” He warned, yet his eyes had no caution in them. His hands waited patiently at her hips. He’d stop right now if she had any second thoughts.

But she didn’t. Not when she’d felt for the first time, that someone was seeing her, pieces of her she’d never shown to anyone. Not with how she didn’t want anything else in the world more than the man right in front of her.

“It doesn’t matter.” She shook her head, eyes dancing between his. Absolutely nothing else mattered.

All at once it seemed, his hands were wrapping around to her lower back, drawing her in closer, pulling her up to him, his lips crashing upon hers.

It was different this time, desperate, deeper, and with no hesitation, as she tugged him towards her. Her lips moved with him, welcoming his devouring embrace.

She felt his knees move forward, moving her backward into the dimly lit bedroom. His lips veered to her neck, her arms wrapping up and around him, hands tugging at his hair; she hardly noticed the top of her dress falling as he unhooked the fabric that went up and around her neck.

Her heel hit the base of the bed and they stopped; he brought his lips back to hers before pulling back, hands going to her bare shoulders, down her arms, to the pale yellow sleeves. She flashed another look at him and lifted her shoulders upwards, helping him as he pulled them off of her.

Slowly, he started tracing his hands to the top of her dress, which was _barely_ holding on above her breasts, but she stopped him, placing her hands on his.

His eyes quickly shot to hers, pausing, as a sly smile escaped her.

“It’d help if you took something off too,” She purred, feeling entirely more confident than she’d imagined she’d be at this kind of moment, where a man was gazing at her like that, where she was looking back at him like this.

He grinned, taking his hands from hers, as she reached up to his unbuttoned velvet jacket, taking it off his shoulders, as he shrugged the rest of it off. Rey ran her hands over his shirt, feeling his chest beneath, clenching her jaw as she did so.

“You’d get a better view if you took that off,” He hummed, as he undid the bowtie and collar around his neck, careful not to get in the way of her hand’s current exploration.

She answered with a smirk and a glance back up at him, her hands already undoing the cream buttons.

And then-- _oh_ , she was already blushing, as her eyes wandered all over him, at the definition of his arms, at the rounding of his shoulders, at the expanse of his chiseled chest; at the freckles and scars that marked him. She hadn’t realized how far down the scar from his face reached, crossing over his right side; her hands were moving with her eyes, tracing him, leaving invisible marks of their own on his skin.

When she brought her gaze back up to his, her heartbeat quickened. His eyes had softened, yet a new wave of tension had hit them, one that was hitting her too.

He brought his hands to her dress, and she felt them tremble just slightly, as he helped the flowy fabric fall to the ground.

She took a deep breath, as eyes of ember were scanning, tracing, achingly slow all over her.

But then his hands went to her exposed hips, where he grazed the lilac lace of her underwear, before his fingers climbed up her torso, her heartbeat quickening as they finally reached her bare chest.

She gasped, his hands-- they were consuming her, the touch electrifying yet comforting, as he squeezed in light pulses.

Her hands rested on his lower abdomen as she tried to steady herself. Blinking, she brought her gaze back up to him, and _oh_ , she breathed heavier, those eyes had turned even darker.

Without warning, his hands dropped to the back of her upper thighs, lifting her up in the air; her arms instinctively clung to his shoulders, while his mouth found hers again. His tongue grazed across her bottom lip, which fell open wider, welcoming his tongue with hers. His hands shifted their grip, now holding her backside, clutching her, as she gripped her thighs around him-- a fire was now being lit inside her, with almost every inch of her skin touching his; even her softest area, still cloaked with lace, was spread wide open and pressed against him.

Her lips tingled with wrath as they’d parted with his, but she needed a break for air. Their now open eyes were too close to focus. He shifted her, lowering her, just slightly and-- _gods_ , she couldn’t help it, a pitiful whine escaped her; his length, even still under his pants, was hard and touching her-- right where it seemed she needed it to be.

He chuckled, as she blushed even deeper.

“Nothing to be ashamed about,” He shook his head at her startled eyes, his voice deep yet quiet, as he stole another kiss, “In fact, I fully intend on making you moan louder.”

She swallowed, as he continued to lean over her, tipping her backward, one hand sliding up her back to keep her steady, lips still chasing hers as he laid her down against the cool duvet.

But he pulled away slowly, eyes still locked on hers as he stood up; hands going to his buckle.

Her heart hammered as she waited, eyes wandering all over him-- until his slacks, briefs, and shoes were discarded on the floor. Then she only had one, very, _very_ prominent point of focus. She couldn’t help the way her jaw moved, or how her lips squirmed, as he stood presented so clearly before her.

And oh, that cheeky, proud grin he gave in response.

She gave a shy smile back to him, rolling her eyes at his arched brow.

But, as he prowled back to the bed, she bit her lip, realizing she should probably mention something…

“Ben,” She started, pulling up to brace herself on her elbows, a touch of anxiety creeping up within her. He froze, standing still at the foot of the bed, eyes darting all over her face.

“I’ve… never done this before,” She admitted, eyes shifting between his.

At first, he seemed confused. He pinched his brow, eyes searching hers, but then, his face abruptly softened. He blinked for a moment, a look in his eye she couldn’t quite read but was desperately trying to, hoping she hadn’t just scared him away.

“Are you sure you want to now?” He tilted his head, as he continued to look at her with that much too soft expression, “With me?” He slowly, quietly added.

“Yes,” She nodded, breathing deeply, steadily, as she gazed up at him, “With you.”

 _Only you_ . That thought crossed her mind, but she shoved it back. He leaned over the bed, still standing at the edge of it but extended a hand to her. She took it, and he pulled her, gently, down to him, to where she draped her legs over the edge, straddling his own, one hand on the bed, the other still held in his. Her eyes darted to what was _right_ in front of her, but she glanced back up at him, as he rubbed his thumb into her palm.

“Then tonight is all about you,” He said softly, his voice like velvet, “Not that it wouldn’t be otherwise, but…” He twitched his lips, a devious flicker in his eye, “This may make things… easier. For your first time.”

She arched her brow at him.

“What do you mean?” She asked, her lips quirking into a side smile, intrigued but, tentative. She knew it may be a little uncomfortable at first, but what was he saying, _what_ would make it easier? Her eyes followed his grin, as he leaned down, placing his lips on hers, slow and soft. Then he pulled away, a playful smirk across his face. His hands then went to her thighs, as he bent one knee, then the other.

She smiled as she watched him, now kneeling before her. Kneeling _nude_ before her, which was entirely distracting. But she brought eyes back up to his, pinching her brow at him, still waiting on an answer.

A huff escaped him, as he chuckled back at her, obviously finding something amusing-- and then his hands were on each side of her hips; as he leaned forward, getting closer, lower, his lips going straight to--

She gasped, the feel of his mouth, even against the fabric, which was truly barely a layer between them, made her breath catch; a rush of tingling went through her core, begging her to widen her hips-- but he quickly pulled away-- that devilish grin back on his face.

She continued to pant, eyes wide, and feeling heat rush to her cheeks, knowing now _exactly_ what he meant.

His hands went up her thighs, to the lace at her hips; she wiggled slightly, her knees coming back together in front of him to help as he slid them down; just now realizing how soaked they already were.

“Spread your legs, Rey,” He purred, drawing her attention back to him, his gaze dark and wanting.

She squinted. She may be new to this, but she certainly wasn’t going to take orders.

“Try asking nicer,” She raised her chin, eyes still on his, as she taunted him with a smirk.

He raised his brow at her brazenness, then grinned.  

“ _Please_ ,” He begged; and it truly was a plea, him down on his knees before her, hands paused on her thighs, waiting.

So she spread them, leaning back on her hands to hold her; his gaze lowered, taking her all in. She felt her heart jump, her chest rise, as her eyes focused on his lips desperately trembling for air.

And then-- _oh_ , she gasped again, as he kissed her down _there_ , tongue trailing over the slickness of her folds.

She could hardly breathe; as an attempt to steady herself, she leaned on one arm, bringing one hand to his hair. Her fingers twirled in his soft, raven locks, tugging now and then when his lips and tongue pressed deeper onto her.

His hands were squeezing at her hips, fingers groping towards her round backside; but he began pushing her back, for her to lean on her elbows; and for her legs to come up and rest on the bed with her. His mouth moved up, tongue trailing across her, as he began to suck at the now very sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Aah- _Ben,_ ” She panted out, shifting her hips away at the sharp rise in pressure, “Too much,”

He chuckled at her, and she darted her eyes down towards him, at that damn smirk on his face.

“That’s how it’s _supposed_ to feel,” He teased her, lips swollen and dripping in front of her.

“Too much,” She breathed, yet, more warmth spread below, her body begging for more.

“Slower,” he nodded, pledging to her before starting again-- keeping his promise.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. _Relax_ , she told herself, leaning all the way down, bringing her arms up above her, as she focused only on his lips and his tongue, working into her, all over her. That pressure returned-- lighter this time, rising in waves, but not quite tipping over, not yet.

She felt him shift slightly, his mouth pausing, then-- _mmh_ , he’d slid a finger into her; it’d been so easy, so natural, she immediately widened her hips, lifting them up, and then back down, in a slow rhythm.

_“Gods.”_

She opened her eyes at his exclamation; he was half knelt on the bed, mouth open, eyes ogling her. His finger-- two fingers now-- still moved along with her.

She continued to breathe deeper and deeper, as he moved his other hand to his now even harder erection. She swallowed, watching him, pleasuring both of them as she took it all in, her hips still moving at their own pace; then-- it was all too much-- her thighs trembled, the squeezing yet vibrating pressure hitting her-- she cried out, mouth wide open as she clutched her eyes shut; waves crashing and pulsing throughout her.

After a few gasping breaths, a calming sensation trickled through her, pulling her back, her breathing attempting to steady as she began to flutter her eyes open, up at the red canopy above, which was then replaced by him, his fluttering eyes, his pouty lips, hovering above her.

She closed her eyes again as his wet lips enveloped hers, her arms still stretching back behind her.

“Rey,” He started, taking his lips from hers, to where his eyes could focus on her once again, “You’re unbelievable.”

She pinched a brow, slightly, for it was difficult to move her face out of its relaxed state at the moment, but a small chuckle managed to escape her. “You haven’t even had your fun yet,”

“Oh, yes I have,” He swallowed, breathing a little deeper too, “Watching you… finish,” he let out a long, reverent breath, shaking his head at her, “Unbelievable.”

She gazed back at him as she brought her arms back down from above her. As the last of the numbing sensation started to leave her, she took another deep breath, one hand going to his hair, the other to one of his arms bracing around her.

“We’re not finished yet,” she smirked, pulling him in for another, rougher, kiss. She felt him smile and grinned too, her lips still hastily consuming his.

One hand still in his hair, she let the other stray down his back, urging him to come closer. He brought his knees back, her legs still spread around his center; as he lowered his hips, lower and lower until she felt him-- just the tip of him, pausing as it brushed against her.

Even that was enough to make that warmth spread through her again-- she pulled her lips back from his; their eyes gazing into each other, both basking in this moment, the moment they’d both been anticipating and craving for much too long now.

Finally, she breathed a nod back to him. And then-- _ah--_ she inhaled, taking him slowly, oh so slowly, as he clenched his fists into the covers, biting his lip. She looked up at him with concern, pinching her brow.

“You’re just so-- you feel so good,” He swallowed, “Is this okay?” He darted his eyes to hers, searching her for any sign of discomfort, but while it was… a _lot_ , filling her in a way she had no idea was possible, the insane warmth in her core was spreading, the way he slid against her walls causing far more spikes of pleasure to outweigh any out of pain. She nodded back to him, unable to answer in any other way and spread her legs wider, welcoming him all the way in.

 _Ohh_ , she snapped her eyes shut, as he pressed his forehead to hers; they both panted, clutching each other tightly, yet unmoving. This… this _closeness_ , it was… it was exhilarating, it was comforting, it was… a shudder went through her as the words she was not ready to concede crossed her mind. She squeezed her hands in his hair, her lips desperately searching for his again.

He couldn’t wait anymore, and neither could she-- his hips began moving, gently at first, his length smoothly rubbing her, as she tried to match his rhythm with her own-- testing that friction even further. His lips then jumped to her neck, her head turning to the side as he gave her bites in between each suck of her skin.

 _Gods,_ her toes curled at that, her eyes closed, her hands wandered, searching for his. He then grasped back at her, tugging her hands to go above her; their fingers intertwined and clasped together as he began to thrust at a faster pace.

They rode that rhythm together, huffs and grunts coming from each other as they both reveled in this moment, this moment that seemed to forget about time around them or anything else in the world. Nothing but them, their skin, their bodies and beings colliding and freeing the other from all the pent up emotions that were finally pouring out with each squeeze, each thrust.

Until finally, it reached the point where neither had any more to give-- Rey brought her ankles to wrap around his back, feeling that pressure hitting again, chasing it by shifting her angle, as he bucked deeper into her--

“ _Ben,_ ” She cried, feeling the start of that wave begin the crash-- but it wouldn’t, it kept riling her up, shaking her, until finally, it fell through her-- just as he let out a wild moan as well, continuing to pump into her as her walls clenched around him-- then he let out one last grunt of pleasure, as he let his hips slow to a halt-- throbbing inside of her.

His hands were still clenching hers as she moved her thumbs over his palms, relaxing him. He leaned in, giving her a gentle, reverent kiss. His lips wobbled as he pulled them away, squirming as if he wanted to say something; his eyes, exposed to her even more than they’d ever been, gazing into her as if she was something to worship.

He brought a hand to her cheek; his thumb gently touching her in a way that made her heart stutter, as it had earlier when he’d done the same to wipe her tears away. A happy sigh escaped her, as she lifted her fingers to gently touch that mark across his face. Trying to say what she couldn’t voice either.

He swallowed, eyes fluttering back at her, before slowly pulling himself out. She wiggled her hips at the newfound emptiness, quickly shifting herself onto her side, him pulling her in under his arm, as he shuffled to lay on his back beside her.

His fingers slowly moved up and down her back, as she snuggled closer to him, stretching an arm onto his sweaty and slick chest, both of them still taking deep breaths.

“That…” He finally began, heart still beating quickly under his chest, under her palm, “That was… not what I’ve done before either.”

“I take that as a good thing,” She laughed, looking up at him, and his still dazed expression.

“Oh yes. _Yes.”_ He shook his head up and down, then shot his eyes back to hers, “And how are you feeling?”

She quirked an eyebrow at him, a wide, beaming smile on her face, “Is that not obvious?”

“Oh, _that_ was very obvious.” He chuckled, grinning back at her, “But, I meant,” His voice lowered, his eyes still staring into hers, “You’re not, in pain, at all?”

She reached her lips up to his, giving another slow, long kiss, before answering.

“No, nothing’s hurting.” She breathed back to him, a content and calm smile on her lips.

He smiled back at her, but she felt his heart beneath his chest dare to race madly again.

“Rey… I…” He started, stumbling, “I don’t want this to be the last time.”

She felt her own heart flutter, as she blinked back her emotions that seemed to have completely taken advantage of her walls finally breaking down. She swallowed before a wide smile pulled at her lips.

“I don’t either,” She shook her head, her voice thick. His eyes softened, that revering look returning to him as her eyes got lost in his.

He then let out a sigh before bringing his hand up to hers, locking their fingers together again.

Their eyes slowly began blinking shut, as their breathing steadied to match each other. At some point, she felt the soft blanket drawing over her, his body shifting to his side as he wrapped his other arm around her.

They drifted off into a blissful slumber-- her body cradled against his, her hands still clutching at him, not ever wanting to let go.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I swear to God, when I come home_   
>  _I'm gonna hold you so close_   
>  _I swear to God, when I come home_   
>  _I'll never let go_   
>  _Like a river, I flow_   
>  _To the ocean, I know_   
>  _You pull me close, guiding me home_   
>  _And I need you to know that we're fallin' so fast_   
>  _We're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love_   
>  _And I'm not scared to say those words with you, I'm safe_   
>  __  
>  **We're fallin' like the stars, we're fallin' in love**   
> 


	10. Certain Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And now, here she was, here they were. It should feel, odd, being with her like this...waking up with her in his arm's. But, the odd thing was, it wasn’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for being so patient <3 A lot of things have been going on in real life. 
> 
> But yeah so the next three chapters, we're here guys. On the back stretch. I originally had this current chapter and the next chapter as one, but I decided to separate them because this part alone is 4k--and the rest of what I was going to include would probably be another 6k. So. Definitely enough to split.
> 
> And yet another James Arthur Song chapter Title. It's all from Ben's POV; so I thought it was appropriate. 
> 
> _Something about you_  
>  _It's like an addiction_  
>  _Hit me with your best shot honey_  
>  _I've got no reason to doubt you_  
>  _'Cause certain things hurt_  
>  _And you're my only virtue_  
>  _And I'm virtually yours_

 

 

Bliss. Was that what this was? Ben had been trying to put the word on this feeling, so far coming up with a thousand different versions of ‘happy’. 

But, he supposed, that’s because he _was._

The sun had been up for quite some time now, but since Rey hadn’t stirred from her slumber, he saw no reason to get out of bed either. Especially not when his arm was still draped over her side-- her back to his chest, his lips pressed against her hair; and especially not when he was perfectly content with the time to process… everything. 

He still couldn’t understand how she had become who she is when the world had turned its back on her from the very start. How, _how_ had she become so… filled with hope, for herself, for the world, when the world had never given her a reason to be. It was a type of strength he didn’t have. 

But, then again, she had practically told herself it never happened. She’d been pretending it was all fine; her mind lying to itself in order to survive. That wasn’t a weakness, but it wasn’t something to wish for. It wasn’t something to compare to. She had her issues and dealt with them the way she could. And he did too. 

Maybe that’s why they just _understood_. Maybe from the very beginning, deep down they both understood that loneliness they saw in each other. 

And maybe that’s why things couldn’t have happened in any other way than they did. 

That’s why he couldn’t stop himself when she asked him to stay with her, knowing entirely that she wasn’t just implying sleep. And why he couldn’t stop from kissing the back of her neck, even when he knew that was crossing the line. That even as he’d told her that he was still her boss, she was still his employee, that those were meaningless words, ones she didn’t care for either.

God… and _her._ She was confident, yet she’d let him take the lead… this time; he had a feeling she might not always. That brazenness, oh that was definitely a turn-on interestingly enough. And, _fuck_ , that wasn’t the way he’d ever felt being with a woman. Not that he’d been with many… but those were all fleeting, simple urges, nothing more. But this… this was _different_. 

The way he’d trembled to touch her, the way he could hardly control himself, having to stop his own hips from moving the moment he’d pushed inside her. The way she looked at him, drawing something deep from within; how he felt holding her, her entire body wrapped up around his, the way she held him in return as if she could sense every burning and cackling emotion inside of him, and somehow felt it as well… he couldn’t find the right word for that either. 

And now, here she was, here they were. It should feel, odd, being with her like this… waking up with her in his arms. But, the odd thing was, it _wasn’t._

He closed his eyes again, moving his body closer to hers, just needing her closer, almost as if to remind him this was real. But he quickly realized that was _not_ the best idea; his morning wood now struggling even more so, with her round bottom pressed up against him. 

He gulped, feeling her stir underneath him, wiggling and shifting her thighs… but she abruptly stopped. She turned her head, just enough for him to catch her looking at him from the corner of her eye.

“I see you’re already _awake,_ ” She chuckled lightly, in that airy, sleepy morning voice. 

“Sorry. Unintentional.” He responded, keeping a chagrin chuckle at bay. 

She then sighed happily, before shifting her torso. His hand now laid on her bare belly, as she gazed up to him.

“Good morning,” She smiled softly. Her eyes, they were impossibly even more beautiful now, a new warmth there, one he still couldn’t believe she’d deemed him worthy enough to receive. 

“Good morning,” He replied, not being able to hold back the tug at the corners of his lips. 

Her eyes lowered to his lips, then down to his chest, before sighing once more. 

“We don’t have to get up today, do we?”

If she wanted to stay in bed all day, he’d be more than happy to oblige. But, they did actually have somewhere to be, at some point.

“There is that standing invite to Lando’s later, for the Christmas Eve dinner,” He started, tracing his fingers up and down her abdomen, “…but that’s later.”

He then leaned in, going to kiss her cheek, then her ear, then her jaw-- as he heard that light laughter of hers in response. He kept kissing her, as his hand glided up to her chest, grasping her-- _gods_ \-- she was so perfect, her breast so comfortable in his palm--

“Ben-” She started, still smiling, but bringing a hand to his chest, pushing back, “I’m… I’m a little sore.”

Oh. Right, first time and all that. He’d hardly believed it, her… for whatever reason, not having been with anyone, and somehow, choosing him… 

“Sorry.” He brought a hand to a lock of her hair, brushing it gently off her face. But he couldn’t help the smirk fighting at his lips. 

“Yeah, you look it.” 

“I tried to be gentle.” He really, _really_ had.

She chuckled, turning on her side now, trailing a hand along his chest. 

“You were,” She nodded, assuring him. “But, who knows, maybe I won’t be so sore later.” She replied slyly, hazel eyes flashing back at him. 

“I can only hope.” He smirked, already feeling that tinge of excitement-- he sighed, right now may actually be a good time to talk. 

To process this. Together. 

He propped his head on his arm, looking her over; at the outline of her body, the curve of her hips just barely sticking out from under the duvet, then to the dip in her waist and back up to her lips. He traced her, over and over, letting his mind see the proof of this woman right in front of him. 

Finally, he glanced to her eyes, which were locked onto his. 

“You look like you have something on your mind,” She started, bringing herself to sit up, those covers still covering her lap, as her messy hair fell around her face. 

“I do,” He nodded, then moved his jaw a moment, before he sat up as well. 

He didn’t know where to start; how did they start, from… all of this? This was so… it felt so comfortable, already. Their bodies were certainly comfortable with each other, but it was more than that… he felt _more_ than that.

“Rey,” He hesitantly began, “What is that you want from this?”

She swallowed, as she breathed in a little deeper like she was trying to steady herself. 

“I… I don’t know.” She looked down at her hands fidgeting with one another, “But I want to figure it out.” Her eyes darted back to his. 

It wasn’t quite the answer he was wanting. But, he supposed, it wasn’t a bad answer. They did need to figure this out. They were still in a bit of a predicament after all. 

Regardless of how they were going to do this though, he knew how he felt. He knew what _he_ wanted. 

“I’ll tell you what I want,” He reached a hand over to hers, caressing her palm with his thumb. “I want to keep seeing you, I want to learn more about you…” He leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on her lips, “and, I want to explore everything else we can do together…” He added, before pulling away from her again. 

His eyes searched over her, at her chest rising and falling, at her color-changing eyes that were darting between his.

“Do you want that too?” He tentatively, yet hopefully, asked.

After an achingly silent moment, she finally responded. 

“Yes,” She nodded, in that breathy voice that nearly killed him, nearly intoxicated him.

Yes. She said _yes._

“Then you’ll go out on a date with me?” He quirked a smile back at her, feeling more confident now that this woman actually _did_ see something she wanted in him. 

“Are we not past our first date?” She arched a brow back at him, a teasing half-smile on her lips. 

“Where would you say we are then?” His gaze was still locked on hers, daring to hope she had been feeling this as long as he had.

“Officially,” She began, “still a Boss and an Employee. Unofficially…” She blinked, before her eyes softened, “I’d say we haven’t been only that for a little while now.”

He took a deep breath, attempting to calm the rising beat in his chest. Yes, he’d known for a while now, known how much he’d been desperately wanting her. All of her. But it wasn’t just that desire… they’d been more intimate with each other in their professional time together than he’d probably been with anyone in his entire life. They may not have crossed the sexual line until last night but that didn’t mean that what they had before was purely a _professional_ relationship.

“I’d say so too.” He quietly responded, squeezing her hand in his once again. But, that ‘official’ label, that Boss/Employee one… that was still as much an obstacle as it was before. 

He sighed, “But, what are we going to do when we get back?”

“Well, I won’t be working for you for much longer. So, I guess what we have been, pretending there’s nothing going on… except this time,” She quirked a smile at him, “We don’t pretend that with each other.” 

“No, no more pretending.” He gently brushed her cheek, but still wondering just how exactly they were going to do this-- “But, there is still the rest of this trip, and the next week of you still working for me. We need to be more careful…”

“You mean no more renting a hotel room together on a work trip?” She flashed her eyes at him. 

“I sincerely did not intend for this to happen…” He shook his head, stifling a chuckle himself, he knew damn well what situation he was putting them in when he agreed to go forward with sharing this room… even if he hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself. 

“Exactly, no more workplace violations.”

“Is this hotel room a workplace?” She chuckled, “But okay… no ’workplace violations’. And probably no public appearances…”

He nodded, “But private appearances, that’s a different matter.” He smiled slyly.

She bit her bottom lip, those dimples shining through, “Yes, a different matter entirely.” 

Her eyes darted to his mouth, before she leaned in, her lips parting and smoothly landing upon his. He moved with her, taking her in; Gods, how he felt he’d never get used to that, that electrifying feeling that seemed to pulse through him every time they touched.

Just then, a loud, rumbling noise came from Rey’s stomach-- to which she paused, pulling away from him, clasping a hand to her belly. 

“Hungry?” He arched a brow at her.

“Evidently.” She laughed, nodding back at him. 

He started to pull himself out of bed, “Then I’ll get us some breakfast… or, lunch.” He felt her eyes on him as he stood up, and noticed the color rising in her cheeks.

“Still blushing like a virgin?” He teased back at her, stopping to stand beside the bed, fully enjoying how and _where_ she was currently looking at him. 

She did a little bit of her own lip squirming, before those playful eyes darted back to his, “I bet if I stood up right now, you’d be blushing too.” She jabbed back at him. 

True. Definitely true. 

“Hmm. You can test that theory if you’d like.” 

She rolled her eyes, before sighing deeply, and dramatically falling back onto the bed, stretching herself in an entirely unfair way.

“I think I’ll just wait for you to return.”

He chuckled, “I’m assuming you want the usual?”

“Yes,” She grinned widely, peeking her eyes back open at him, “And a cho-”

“Chocolate cappuccino?” He arched a brow, tracing his eyes over her again, before turning away, a smile on his lips. “Yes, I know.”

 

***********************

 

The modernized, yet classic stylized interior, the shelves of random mementos with the especially impressive ones displayed for everyone to see; yes, it seemed like a perfect rendition of how he’d always imagined Lando’s home to be. 

It was an Ambassador’s residence, after all, it was meant to be grand. Which Lando certainly didn’t seem to mind. 

The large, rounded rectangular table they now all sat at was some sort of a gift from a Prime Minister-- but which one, Ben wasn’t sure, evidently, a few things in this half palace were given by Prime Ministers.

Again, an Ambassador's Residence type of thing.

“Well, and then,” Lando’s voice rang out across the table, “The damn man stole my plane!”

The whole table full of diplomats erupted in laughter; Lando had been going on about the time Lando had first met his father… 

“But,” Lando continued, shrugging, as he grinned at everyone’s eyes on him. “I ended up letting him have it. Suited him. I have other planes. Besides, he had a very important person he was in desperate need to impress, being a scoundrel himself and her… the opposite of that.” He then gave Ben an arched eyebrow and a chuckle at that last comment. 

Yes, she was practically royalty compared to Dad… well, they were technically royalty, in a distant sort of way. But Ben never really thought about that much. Never really thought about any of this much. And yet… thinking of that old story, the one he’d been told many times, he couldn’t help the small grin now forming on his lips, even as he tried to distract himself from the conversation with another bite of roasted pork. 

Just then, he felt her light hand on his thigh, discreetly giving him another distraction to focus on. He blinked his eyes towards Rey, sitting right beside him. Her hair was down in a soft wavy way, a green sweater on, which perfectly brought out those wonderful hazel irises, and a warm, gentle smile across her face. He gave a small grin back to her, before he turned away, reminding himself to not keep his attention too much on her around everyone else. 

“You just _let_ him have it?” One of the guest diplomats, (Steve? Possibly?) spoke up from the end of the table, still chuckling at Lando’s story. 

Lando took a deep sigh, “Yes, he was a pilot without a plane, I was giving him a chance back into it. He needed all the help he could get if he was serious about starting his own private jet business.”

Ben’s brows furrowed at that, he had thought Lando was just joking about his Dad stealing it-- they both knew that's not _exactly_ what happened. 

“That’s not the way I remember it,” Ben shook his head, as he felt all eyes dart to him, yet he kept his focus on Lando. “He won the Falcon from you.”

Lando arched a sharp brow back to him, “Easy kid, I let him boast that story.” 

Ben’s lips squirmed for a moment; maybe it was best he didn’t out the Ambassador's gambling past. 

“Well,” He quickly responded, “He _was_ trying to impress someone, after all.” 

Lando beamed widely back at him, “And it worked, the man won her over.” He then raised his brows, and a glass, as he looked around the table. “And that’s the long story of how I was destined to be this guy’s godfather.”

“As all your stories are,” Ben snipped, yet a sly smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Laughter and nods came from all around the table, as eyes glanced between Lando and him.

Ben couldn’t help but chuckle quietly to himself too, it was nice, being back around Lando; he’d spent so much of his childhood with him on family trips together… Lando and his Dad had been hardly separable. That’s part of why it’d been so hard to try and reach out after… well. After he was gone. Then Lando had taken up the Ambassador position just shortly after everything went down, moving on with his life, it seemed.

Everyone now was breaking up into their own groups of conversations, Lando getting up to show a few around the living room, at some photos here and there, as a few kids came hopping through from the other dining space, looking for some of their parents. 

“Can we go outside and play now that dinner’s done?” A young girl with a braid asked her father, a Diplomat named Liam. 

“This isn’t our house,” He then arched an eyebrow at all of them, “And I think me and the rest of your parents would rather you all stay inside where we can keep an eye on you troublemakers.” The middle-aged man grinned, looking around at the four of them, who definitely seemed like they had some harmless trouble in their minds, as they all gave sheepish smiles back at him.

Ben heard Rey chuckle from beside him; he quickly turned his eyes on her. Gods, that smile. 

As the kids then pouted and turned away, no doubt forming some other way to get into kid-like shenanigans, Liam turned to both Ben and Rey, with a big sigh.

“They’re at that age that their mix of bravery and naivety becomes a problem,” He sighed, “It’s nice, when they want to hang out with their friends more, but when that collective kid-mentality kicks in,” He laughed, shaking his head, “Oh, that group has gotten into trouble over the last school year.” 

“What year are they in?” Rey asked, curiously.

“Well, mine, Aayla, she’s in 5th grade now, the Starro’s twins-- they’re both in 6th, and little Mikey is in 3rd-- but, being Embassy brats, they spend all their time together. Like their own little family. They tend to stick together at school too, regardless of their different ages.”

Rey smiled; something about the look on her face, Ben wasn’t sure what, but there was some emotion there that was tugging at him. 

Just then, another person called Liam over their way, and Rey was blinking back up at Ben, a small blush at her cheeks. 

“They may not be able to go outside-- but would you like to?” Ben asked, eyeing the back doors, which no doubt led to some magnificent patio. 

She nodded in response, “Although, we probably shouldn’t wander off from everyone for too long,” She smirked back at him before she started towards the back doors. 

And sure enough, they were now on the intricately designed back patio, with columns holding up what may be a balcony just above them. Rey continued down the steps, giving them a little more distance from the residence. 

“Is this not wandering too far?” He teased, as she continued to glide along the lantern-lit walkway. 

“I said for too long, not too far,” She beamed back at him, radiating that usual charm. 

She finally paused, turning towards him, but her gaze jumping about the beautifully landscaped property. 

“Lando sure lives nice,” She commented.

“Perks of being an Ambassador.” He replied, eyes still on her. But she continued to stare off, her bottom lip becoming a victim to her teeth.

“What is it?” He stepped closer to her. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh,” She shook her head, “Yeah, I’m fine…” She paused, some hesitancy there in her jaw before she continued. “I guess I was just thinking of how nice that must be, for the kids I mean.”

He looked her over for a moment, before carefully responding.

“They certainly don’t ever seem to be lonely, regardless of their parent’s career choices.” 

She blinked back at him, those eyes shifting between his before she smiled and continued. 

“Yeah, they seem to have their own little, ‘Harry Potter’ kind of group going.”

“Harry Potter?” He blinked, thinking about that book that came out when he was in his teenage years—but, he hadn’t read it. 

Rey chuckled, “Yeah, the book series? Also in the movies? Basically about a bunch of kids constantly getting into trouble but saving the world while they're at it. Was one of my favorites, when I was younger.”

Ben smiled softly at her, “Then I’ll put it on my to-read list.”

She beamed back at him. Then took a deep breath, “I was actually also wondering about you… about how you’re handling all of this.”

He blinked for a moment…

“What do you mean?” He pinched his brow. 

Rey bit her lip again, “That… didn’t bother you? Lando, I mean, talking about your parents…”

Oh. “Hm… ” He thought for a moment, wondering at what emotion he had finally landed on about all that, but none of them seemed particularly _bad_ , “No, I guess it didn’t.”

Rey gazed back at him intently, searching his face, before a look of uncertainty, or perhaps it was admiration, passed between her eyes. 

“What’s that look for?” He cocked his head slightly.

“I’m just… I’m happy you’re feeling more open about them.” She then twirled her hands in front of her, and he had to stop himself from instinctually reaching for them. 

“I know this situation is complicated,” She continued, “And I know it’s not _my_ situation but…” She looked back up at him, “She loves you, Ben.” She added, a slight desperation edging its way into her voice. 

He swallowed, not letting himself retreat from this, not letting himself go back into the hole, not when she was here, looking at him, pleadingly like _that_. 

“I know,” He finally answered. He then let out a deep breath, before he realized he was about to say what he’s realized for a long time now. “And I know it’s time to move on. I do,” He paused, not sure how to say it, not sure how to explain how he just didn't know _how._  

“I can help you, I _want_ to help you.” She stepped closer; even in just the moonlight, those bright eyes were shining back at him.  

This woman… she wanted to help him and this ridiculous mess he’d gotten himself into, all his fault, and yet, she was starting to make him think it all didn’t matter. Because she was here. She… she felt _something_ for him, so maybe, maybe he still had enough of something worthy in him after all. Maybe the past really didn’t matter. Not anymore. 

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but as he gazed back at her-- all he so desperately wanted was to wrap her up in his arms, to kiss her, every inch of her, to get lost again between what was her body and what was his—

“You can’t look at me like that here,” She flashed her eyes back at him, an enchantingly alluring smile forming across her lips. “It’s not fair.”

Ben grinned but wasn’t able to respond. Not when that current of emotions was pulsing through him. But she was right. 

“I know,” He breathed, letting himself look at her like this for just a moment longer, before sighing deeply. 

“Come on,” She moved her head back towards the mansion, “Let’s go see what story Lando is telling everyone this time.”

He huffed, turning to walk along beside her, their hands just barely grazing against the others. 

Ever since last night, he’d been trying to understand just exactly what this feeling was. He couldn’t even land on a single word when they were wrapped up with each other, and could only express it with a touch to her face. Even with the time this morning, he’d only formed one of the words to describe this feeling. But this wasn’t just happiness, it was… hope. Hope for a future with her. Where the past didn’t matter, where they could have things… things he hadn’t ever considered. Together.

And yet, there was still another word finally forming there, explaining all of this. But that word still seemed too daunting. He didn’t know if he deserved to feel that way, barely deserving to feel happy, to feel hope… so, no, he wouldn’t let that final word cross his mind, no matter how true he knew it was. 

No matter how hopelessly, irrevocably true it was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love. Yes, the word is love.


	11. Treacherous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away_   
>  _I hear the sound of my own voice_   
>  _Asking You to stay_   
>  _**This hope is treacherous** _   
>  _**This day dream is dangerous** _
> 
> Why yes, that IS a tswift song. And yes....that's the only warning I'm giving you.

 

 

The last day. It was  _ finally _ here. 

Strange how she took this job with the intention of leaving, and yet, now that she  _ was _ … well, she’d grown accustomed to spending nearly every moment either at work with her boss… or wrapped up in his arms at night.

Accustomed was hardly the right word. In fact, it was a terrible word. Not nearly good enough to describe her feelings about this whole ‘rendezvous’ they had wrapped themselves in. About how everything had changed since that night in Croatia; when she’d finally told him the truth she’d never shared. When she’d finally caved into every desperate desire to have him. That night it’d felt like she’d given herself over completely, body and mind, all at once. And she’d been his ever since.

Yeah. Accustomed was not the word for that. Well, regardless of what the right word was, it didn’t make a difference in the fact that it was time to go. Excitement was definitely a word to describe that feeling, knowing that after this final stop at his office, they’d have nothing left in their way. 

But as she paced down the hall, a box of all her things in tow, she just couldn’t shake that other emotion that was seeping out of one corner of her mind. The corner that she had tried so hard to shove any and every negative emotion towards. This time, it was fear that let its claws edge out of its cage, trying to burst through and cloud over what should only be a perfectly positive moment. 

She took a deep breath before she got to the door; maybe she was just tired of the charade-- and maybe with it finally coming to an end, her mind was just now letting out its pent up anxieties of them getting caught. 

Yeah, that was probably it. So, she gave the feeling one last shove out of her forethoughts and marched towards the open door.

But at the sound of a voice she knew wasn’t Ben’s, she paused-- and by it’s displeased and unamused tone, she knew it had to be Hux. 

It looks like she’d have to play the facade just a moment longer.

As she walked through the open doorway, she could fully hear the conversation now. Hux was going off about some event where Ben should have been at last Saturday-- but had missed. Rey  _ may  _ have been partly to do with that. 

“It may not matter to you, but it matters to me if one of our lead Foreign Affairs officers are not at the Secretary’s party-- the one she personally invited you to.” 

Ben just continued to write something in his notebook, not even bothering to look back at Hux. Probably attempting to annoy him further. 

“And I personally let her know I couldn’t make it. And she understood.” He then flashed his eyes to hers, softening in that warm way of his.  

“Sorry to interrupt,” She spoke up, keeping a forced distant air to her tone, “But, I sent the last of all my reports to you, Kylo.” Gods, that name felt sour on her tongue.

“Thank you, Miss Johnson.” He replied softly. Then glanced over her, “Already packed up?”

“Yes, I believe so.” She couldn’t help the smile she threw back at him, and it seemed, neither could he. 

An annoyed sigh made them both dart their eyes to Hux.

“Thank the Gods,” He rolled his eyes, “Now you two can go fuck in peace.”

She froze, desperately trying to look as innocent and baffled at that exclamation as possible.

Ben, however, took another reaction. His hand squeezed into a fist, his lips going into a squirming frenzy. “Hux, that’s uncalled for.” 

“Uncalled for? What about sharing a room on a work trip? Don’t you think  _ that’s _ a little uncalled for?” 

A moment of silence; of terribly uncomfortable silence. 

He arched a brow between them both, but Rey just blinked and forced her jaw shut, her heart hammering at Hux’s revelation.

Hux finally gave an exasperated roll of his eye, “I told you before I don’t bloody care. As long as it doesn’t give me a problem. And it looks like it didn’t. But you should be thankful I made sure no one else noticed that particular detail of your trip expenses.” 

Hux… wasn’t going to turn them in? She pinched her brow back at him, suddenly wondering if she’d misjudged this seeming enemy-of-the-office. 

“Well… for that I am thankful.” Ben finally conceded. 

Then Hux’s gaze was on hers. She swore a sliver of a grin crossed his face. 

“Good luck, Rey.”

Rey blinked, again, baffled at what to say. “Erm-- thank you.”

With that, he sauntered out of the office; but not without one last ‘you two really thought I wouldn’t notice’ look-- and pointedly shutting the door. 

Rey took a breath, and then let her eyes finally meet Ben’s. The look of relief on his face probably echoed hers. 

“Funny,” Rey finally started, “I didn’t think he’d be so… so… “

“So, helpful? So, not trying to use it as a chance to fire me? Yeah, me too.” He chuckled, as she grinned widely in return.

“So.” He began walking around his desk, in that grey suit of his she’d always liked, his eyes looking over her in that way she just couldn’t quite get used to. “You’re officially off duty now.” 

She grinned, placing the box on the desk beside her-- right as his hand went to her back, pulling her over to him.

He placed a couple of excited kisses to her cheek and forehead as she placed her arms onto his chest, leaning into him… but she couldn’t hold back that swallow, or the big, shaky sigh she gave in return. 

“Rey?” His soft voice whispered to her, bringing her eyes back to his. He  _ knew _ something was bothering her. And she knew she couldn’t hide any thoughts or feelings at all from him anymore. Not that she wanted to… but most of the time, she hardly understood them all.

“I’m just….” But she didn’t know what she was ‘just’ feeling… because she  _ should _ just be happy. This wasn’t just good for her, it was good for them. And she knew that. She  _ knew _ that. 

“You know this isn’t goodbye,” He brought his hands to hers, giving them a gentle squeeze. 

She nodded, savoring how comforting his hands always felt holding hers. 

“Yeah, I know. I’m just… I’m going to miss working with you.” 

“Hmm, yes, I’ll miss that too. But now we can be as entirely unprofessional as we want.” He grinned, leaning in to give her a gentle smile-filled kiss. She couldn’t help but grin back, kissing him deeper before pulling away-- but he pulled at her skirt, begging her body to come closer, his lips going to her neck-- he  _ knew  _ what that did to her.

“Ben--” She shook her head, yet still chuckling, “We-- we at least need to leave one rule left unbroken.” 

“You’re right,” He sighed, pausing, “But I just need  _ you _ to know that this… things aren't going to change  _ this  _ between us.”

With him looking at her like that… it  _ had _ to be true. And so, she finally let out that last breath of anxious jitters as his fingers again laced themselves with hers. 

“Still on for dinner at my place tonight?” She beamed up at him, ready to focus on their first weekend without being careful about not going out in public. No more being careful of even showing up at each other’s houses without anyone spotting them. It seemed a bit much, but Ben had been adamant about not taking any chances. Well, any more than they were already taking.

“Of course. Still okay for me to stay the night?” He arched a brow back at her, a playful flicker in his eye.

“Of course.” She smirked back at him. “But, remember, Rose and Finn are coming over for dinner too.”

He swallowed, evidently forgetting that little detail. 

“You still sure that’s a good idea?”

She chuckled and shook her head, “It’ll be fine, Ben, I promise. They’re my friends… and they’ve been kind of rooting for this since the beginning.” She let go of him, reaching over for her box of belongings.

“Really?” 

She grinned, turning back to him at the doorway. “I mean, they were there that first night at the bar.” 

Ben leaned back against his desk, putting those giant hands of his in his pockets. 

“So… ever since then?” He flashed her a look of curiosity, one she knew meant he wasn’t just asking if  _ they _ had been rooting for this to happen since that night. 

“Ever since then.” She echoed him, a soft smile on her lips.

With that, she left his office for the last time. She took a deep, steadying breath as she marched back through the building, down the elevator, and past all the flags that lined the massive front hallway through the lobby-- until finally, she was leaving the building; for good.

Maybe it was a moment of reminiscing, but she couldn’t help but pause and turn back towards the building behind her. Who knew what a whirlwind of adventure this internship would be when she first walked through those doors. She certainly hadn’t thought she’d get into the Foreign Service this soon, and she certainly hadn’t planned on…  _ him _ .

This chapter in her life had been a good one. The  _ best _ one. 

But she had even better memories just waiting to happen. She could feel it. She just had to trust it. 

With one last sigh and a nod to herself, she turned away, ready to lug herself and her little box of internship memories back to her apartment-- but as she took a few steps, she stopped, blinking, as something had flashed a recognition in her brain. She turned her head around again--

It was him. That slimy bastard that she told herself she’d drop kick if she ever had the chance to. It was Vilhelm Snoke.

He was across the street, unfortunately too far for her leg to reach, and he seemed to be walking and talking-- or growling-- to someone on the phone. Yet he soon spotted her, and that quick flash of his eyes still sent an icy shiver down her spine.

She furrowed her brows, nearly snarling as he showed his teeth back at her, in that ridiculous thing he probably called a smile. 

But then he turned the corner, and just as abruptly as he appeared, he was gone. 

**************************

It wasn’t long after she’d got back home when she heard that knock of his at the door. There he was, with that warm smile he’d reserved for her, and a bag of groceries for their oncoming “double date” of a dinner party… which, he still seemed a little angsty about.

She knew the only person he spent time with other than her, was… absolutely no one. So she knew that being around others outside of an office setting, or some formal work-influenced gathering was  _ not _ something he was thrilled for. In fact, it was probably the last thing he wanted to do. 

But she knew he’d do it for her.

She couldn’t help but keep peeping looks over at him as she started on dinner, now dressed in a comfortable tee and jeans, playing with BB. It seemed her little fur child had grown quite an attachment already. Which Ben didn’t seem to mind. She also couldn’t help but smile when he jumped in to take over the garlic-bread making duties; meticulously trying to get the butter and cheese mixture  _ just _ perfect. 

These were just simple things… but simple things she’d never shared with anyone else. And here he was, already so  _ here _ with her, taking up space in her life. 

“Need any more help?” He turned to her, after putting his bread creation in the oven.

“Hmm,” She thought for a moment, tracking through all of the things she had on her ‘to-do’ list for the night, realizing she missed a rather obvious one, “Actually, if you keep stirring this--” She put the long spoon in his hand, “Then I can go pick up a bit.” 

While spending every day either working or spending her time with Ben-- the rest of her apartment had grown a little hectic. Clothes strung about, things left on the tables-- but nothing that would take her too long to pick up. It was just a tiny studio, after all. 

As she was pulling a random bra that’d been discarded out from under one of the cushions-- she heard that name,  _ Vilhelm Snoke _ cross over the room from the T.V. She snapped her attention to it, at the news story that was covering how First Order Consulting would be taking on the upcoming campaign of A.G. Pryde, who, of course, would be running against Leia in the upcoming election. 

That wasn’t at all surprising-- however, it did remind her…

“I forgot to tell you--” She started, calling out from across the living room, “I saw Snoke today.” 

A moment of commotion, a few curse words, and her head darted in his direction. 

“Ben?” She pinched her brow, looking over at him washing the stirring spoon out in the sink. 

“Yeah-- uh, sorry, I dropped this.” He then looked up at her again, “You saw who?”

“Snoke.” His face paled, as he let the spoon fall into the sink. 

“Oh, I’m, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.” She shook her head to herself, realizing that of course, even just the mention of that villain’s name would be enough to cause a panic. 

“What was he doing? Did he say anything to you?” He hurriedly asked. His hands were clenched on the edge of the counter, his eyes darting over her face-- a touch of fear in them that she hadn’t seen since… well, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen that look. 

“No, no-- he was just walking across the street,” She shook her head reassuringly, walking around the counter to him now, placing a gentle hand to his back, “It’s nothing to worry about. I just-- that announcement, it reminded me of it.”

He let out a breath, finally letting that tremor escape his eye. 

“So you’re okay?” He turned to her now, placing his hands at her waist, gripping her softly, yet protectively.

“He’s the one that should be worried.” She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, keeping him as close to her as possible, “Because the next time I see that man, will be the _ last _ of him.” She grinned, reassuring him this was nothing to linger on. 

That ridiculously pouty lip of his finally curved back into a smile.

Just then a knock was heard at the door, turning both their gazes to the sound.

“You two dressed or should we come back in a bit?” Finn’s muffled voice came through the door.

Rey rolled her eyes. Evidently, he thought it was hilarious to poke fun at her new sex life any chance he got. 

“Actually,” She started, raising her voice enough for him to hear her, “We’re fully naked, and having sex against the counter, you may want to come back later.”

A pause.

“I deserved that.” His voice admitted, with Rose yelling “Yes he did!” in response. 

But as Rey chuckled, Ben’s ears had turned bright red. 

“I’m sorry,” She whispered up at him, placing a gentle kiss to his lips. 

“Hmm,” He hummed in response, “It’s okay. You just gave me an idea for what we can do later,” He whispered back to her. 

For being so coy around others, he certainly wasn’t with her. But she just flashed him a wink, and skipped over to the door, opening up to Finn and Rose’s big smiley faces. 

“Hey guys,” Rey welcomed them with a grin and a hug each.

“Oh, it smells amazing in here,” Rose commented, setting down a bag which was probably full of deserts, “what are you making?” Her eyes darted throughout the kitchen, and no doubt glancing to the tall, wibbly lipped figure nervously standing behind the counter. 

“Just some tortellini pasta and some garlic bread.” She replied, her gaze moving to Ben, who finally brought himself over to her; hands still in pockets, his eyes dancing around.

Oh, right, she should probably introduce them.

“This is--” she started, bringing a gentle hand to Ben’s back-- but Finn already stepped forward, hand outstretched.

“Ben, not Kylo, we know we know.” He grinned, as Ben shook his hand in return. “Hey, man, I’m Finn.”

“Nice to meet you,” He nodded slightly, before turning to Rose, “And you’re--”

“Rose! It’s so nice to meet you, Ben!” She said through a wide smile, jumping up to give him one of what Rey knew was a typical Rose-style hug.

At first, he was startled, awkwardly holding his hands up off of her, but then slowly,  _ thankfully, _ gave her a hug back.

Rey couldn’t help but giggle silently-- how was he so smooth and bold around her, and so hopelessly uncomfortable with everyone else? She never really noticed the stark contrast until just this moment. But it only made her smile more. 

* * *

 

After that first awkward interaction, (he was still kicking himself for holding his hands away from Rose for a good few seconds too long) breathing came a bit easier. This wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as he’d thought it’d be.

The wine probably helped a little.

For they were now on their second bottle, but Ben swore he was only on his first drink. With all the pasta and cheese-loaded bread they just stuffed themselves with, well, he definitely could use a few more drinks if he really wanted a buzz. 

But with Rey right there next to him, smiling and laughing with her friends… almost as if this was  _ her _ family, he’d hardly really taken his eyes off her. He hardly needed anymore to drink, just getting intoxicated by the flush of her cheeks, and the wholehearted childlike laughter when her friends were commenting on some story he hadn’t been a part of, but fully enjoyed hearing as well.

They were comfortable together. They were supportive; when Rose had mentioned her and Finn had found an apartment down by DuPont to rent together, Rey had reached around the table to wrap her arms around both of them. Ben had offered his congratulations too, to which Finn gave him a wink and a “Should’ve happened a long time ago man.”

And then when Rey started talking about how nervous she actually was for next week, (well, all she said was  _ I’m excited for next week but… I don’t know _ , which was her language for something definitely bothering her) both Finn and Rose had jumped in, telling her how she was ‘absolutely going to kill it,’ that she had nothing to worry about; while he also budded in with a reassurance, “You’re  _ more _ than ready,” when she’d claimed otherwise. To which, she gave him a flash in her eyes and a smirk he was sure was being brought on by the alcohol, or, she really didn’t care about giving him looks like that around others anymore. Or maybe she just didn’t care while being around them.

Either way, he couldn’t help but flash his eyes back at her. 

“Okay you two,” Rose started, “just wait until we leave or Finn may have a heart attack.”

Rey burst out laughing, “He’s the one that started it! I was perfectly fine not letting him know anything--”

“Yeah, until you forgot how thin the walls were here.” Finn raised both his brows, taking a large swig of his wine.

Ben swallowed and looked away, anywhere else around the room, feeling that damn heat at his cheeks-- as much as he enjoyed how vocal she’d been, he never really thought about how much of it would reach through to her neighboring pseudo-brother-best friend’s apartment. Meanwhile, Rey took on a different response, laughing and shouting, “Stop being rude! Ben’s not comfortable with you bringing this up.” Then throwing a piece of bread at Finn’s face, which then landed in his wine.

They both sat in silence for a second, staring at the bread, and then erupted in more laughter.

“They get like this when they’ve had a few too many,” Rose’s voice called over the two of them, trying to reach its way to Ben.

He chuckled softly to himself, his eyes locked on Rey.

“I’ve never actually seen her drunk.” 

Rey then cocked her head towards him, attempting to squint her eyes back at him, “I’m right here you know, you don’t have to talk of me in the third person,” She then started chuckling again, evidently finding her own attempt at sassing back at him hilarious. 

It was hilariously adorable. 

Just then, the sound of beeping from the kitchen--

“Oh, that will be the pies!” Rose jumped up, starting to make her way over, but gave a pause-- ”Ben?” 

He turned his head towards her, hovering by the Kitchen peninsula, “Yes?”

“Do you mind helping me real quick? I just need another hand, and I don’t think those two are useful at the moment.”

“Oh, sure,” He quickly got up, not even thinking about it.

After she brought out a few different pies-- one cinnamon apple, he was sure, by that smell-- one cherry, and another that he wasn’t so sure of--

“What do you call that one?” 

“This one? Oh, that’s a pecan pie.” She replied with a quick smile, “Never had one?”

“I don’t think so, no.” He paused, thinking of what else to say. Anything. Anything other than just standing there awkwardly while she continued to do whatever it was she was doing, getting a few other things out as well.

He glanced back at Rey, who was giving Finn one dangerously arched eyebrow, as she crossed her arms. Evidently about to get sassy about  _ something. _ He couldn’t help but smile as she started laughing two seconds later.

“She’s a special one,” Rose’s light voice came from his right, to which he grinned.

“Yes,” He responded, swallowing to keep that answer from being too emotional. 

Rose chuckled, “Oh, you are smitten. Good.” She arched a warning brow at him.

He arched a brow back, “Did you bring me over her to give the, ‘talk’, the ‘that’s my friend don’t hurt her’ talk?”

“Yes I did,” She smiled widely, still messing with one of her pies, but then she gave a sigh. “Rey… well, she’s a locked door. Doesn’t seem that way at first, I know. But once you’re friends with her for so long, and realize… well you realize all the things she loves to talk about; like her job, like her dreams, like what’s right and what’s wrong in the world,” she grinned, looking back over at Rey, but then, that grin turned into a sharp frown, “And what she doesn’t like talking about.” 

Ben ground his jaw. Yes, he knew that all too well.

“Her past.” He softly responded, giving Rose a hesitant glance.

“Yes,” she nodded back, “One night, we were just over at my place, me and her, and,” She took a breath--

“I, I know,” He quickly responded, not wanting her to have to recite Rey’s story again, “I know… how she was…” He swallowed, clenching his fists uncontrollably, “Abandoned. When she was a child.”

Rose blinked back at him, her gaze suddenly becoming full of an intense shock--

Wait, oh no. She didn’t know.

“ _ Abandoned? _ ” She pinched her brow, a frantic look in her eyes, “All I knew was she just hadn't remembered the last time her parents reached out to her… and that, she never wanted to reach out to them; that she was done with it. And, oh god, well I knew she grew up poor… she mentioned how she would always just stuff herself at school for food because she didn’t know if she’d have a meal later… Oh god, abandoned? What do you mean-- did she, did she have no one? Not even a… a foster home? Or?” But then quickly shook her head, “No-- I mean don’t tell me, if she told you that in confidence then--” She paused again, as Ben let out a deep breath, looking down at the hardwood floor.

“Then, wow.” Rose looked at him in awe. “She… she actually trusts you. She doesn’t trust  _ anyone. _ ” But as he just swallowed and looked away, she continued on. “Ben, please listen, I just mean-- please, please just know how big that is, for Rey.”

He brought his eyes back to Rey, smiling again, laughing, all that light radiating from her as it always had. As it always  _ somehow  _ had. And yet, there was a darkness there. One she had tried so hard to cover up. One she evidently only ever showed to him.

Of course he knew how big that was. 

“I have no intention of hurting her, Rose.” He replied softly.

“She deserves so much happiness, I just… I know you’re not a bad guy, I do, I just have to say something for Rey. She’s… well, like a sister to me.” She swallowed hard; he tried not to notice the small tear forming in her eyes.

“I know,” He quietly responded, before turning his eyes back to hazel ones, which were finally finding their way back to him. Just catching her eye again made him smile, to which she gave a wide, half goofy, wine-induced smirk in response.

Yes, she deserved  _ everything.  _

* * *

 

She blinked her eyes open; the confusing sound of crackling and popping causing her to turn her pinched brow towards the open doorway. Just as she realized his warmth was no longer right beside her-- her mind registered that smell as bacon, and she let out a sigh and  a happy chuckle.

He knew she’d be starving immediately, like always in the morning.

Morning at  _ his _ place. For they’d spent the entire day yesterday at hers doing absolutely nothing but watching movies, cuddling, and recovering from two bottles of wine-- at least on her end, he’d hardly drank anything that night before. Which was probably a good thing, considering she could barely stumble to her bed without falling-- she needed a helper. A perfectly gentlemanly helper; for some reason being extra gentle with her that night, making sure she had everything she needed for a hangover cure in the morning. A glass of water by her side, ibuprofen at the ready, and his warm arms to wake up to.

She sighed, missing that warmth at the moment. But, making them breakfast wasn’t a bad excuse. 

After pulling herself out of bed and feeling that cool air hit her, and not particularly wanting to put any clothes on yet-- she decided to wrap herself up in his scarlet sheet. It was just a lazy Sunday morning, after all. She smirked to herself, thinking he probably wouldn’t mind. Although, she did have to be careful about her steps down the hardwood stairs.

And there he was, wearing only some black boxer briefs, standing over his fancy new oven, with an assortment of pans cooking various things. 

It was like a damn domestic fantasy. 

“What are you cooking?” She greeted him, as she carefully took a seat at the island behind him. 

“Bacon, pancakes, all the carbs and unhealthy things as possible.” She could hear the grin in his voice, even if she couldn’t see it with that impossibly muscled back of his facing her.

“Sounds perfect.”

He chuckled, turned, and paused at her choice of adornment. 

“Are you wearing anything under that?” He arched a brow, leaning across the island towards her.

She gave him a sly smile, “Nothing.”

Those eyes of his sparked with that familiar playful fire. Yeah, she  _ knew  _ that’d be something he liked. 

“The only thing stopping me from unwinding you from that right now and taking you on the counter,” He whispered, that deep voice of his stroking something truly primal within her, “is that I know you’d get mad if I burnt perfectly good food.”

She tried _ so _ hard not to laugh at how true that was.

“Yes, so you better get back to cooking, Solo.” She replied simply as if that didn’t just make her want to climb up on the counter and  _ let _ him. 

“You are being entirely cruel,” He sighed, eyes darting from her lips to her eyes, almost beggingly.

She couldn’t help but give a cheeky smile in response, “Food first, then maybe I’ll be nicer.”

He let out a growl, then turned back to the assortment of food behind him. She couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at that.

“So,” He started, evidently trying to get his mind off his current thought train, “After you decide to,  _ be nicer  _ to me, what else would you like to do today?” He asked, sliding a few pancakes off of a pan. 

“Hmm,” She sighed, pulling again at the sheet around her. Well, they’d spent plenty of time indoors yesterday… and they hadn’t ever actually been anywhere together, as… well, what they now are. 

Which… ’boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ seemed entirely too casual of words to describe them, but what else would describe this? They weren’t… any other formal vernacular used to describe pairings. Here she went again. Turning a simple thought in a simple conversation down into a confusing rabbit hole. One she only ever came out of with a giant question mark to describe whatever this was. This… them being so comfortable, so, at home with each other already… at least, she felt that way, she wasn’t sure if--

“Rey?” He was facing her now, his eyes searching over her, as he held two full plates in his hands. 

She shook her head, “Oh I-- I don’t know,” She stumbled to jump back up out of that hole, finally remembering the original question, “But, maybe we should actually go out somewhere today.” She gave a quick grin to him, as he walked around to the barstool beside her, placing their dishes in front of them.

The food looked amazing, and her tummy certainly agreed.

“Well,” He began, “I still haven’t taken you on an official date. And I have a few places in mind. If you’re up for it.”

She was already devouring the eggs, but gave him an arched brow, “Oh?” 

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to meet my family or anything,” He flashed that smirk at her.

She couldn’t help but laugh, even though she was currently stuffing herself with pancakes. “Oh, good,” She sighed dramatically, “Glad I have some time before meeting your incredibly successful and intimidating mother.”

He chuckled. “Yes, although, I have a feeling she’d like you.”

“You know, even though I don’t know her at all, I think she’d also even try to set me up with you,” She grinned, knowing now that at least half of Leia’s helpful intentions hadn’t only been for her career. Why would she give a dress like that away when she knew who Rey would be with? And after learning the whole story with it… yeah, Rey was finally catching on to Leia’s not so purely professional guidance. 

“If she did, I’d have to thank her.” 

She peeked another look at him beside her, that soft look now returned to his eyes. She placed her fork down, trying to calm her own breathing as she gazed back at him. 

Yeah. She’d have to thank her too. Thank her for this man that she had grown so impossibly close to over the course of the past four months. Only four months, and yet, it seemed like she should’ve known him her whole life. It may have not been the most ideal way to start a relationship, and with how everything had in some ways been backward; her knowing his past, him knowing hers, before they fully crossed that line they should’ve crossed a damn long time ago. But she wouldn’t change it. In some ways, it seemed like the only way. She was starting to see that somehow, opening that door she’d locked away for so many years… was the only way she could open others. Other doors, for  _ him.  _

“Rey,” He whispered, eyes shifting between hers, “What’s going on in that mind?”

“Just thinking,” Was all she managed to respond.

“Yes, I can see that.” He chuckled. He leaned closer to her now, taking a hand of hers in his. “Good things?” He asked, a hopeful grin on his face.

She smiled back at him, nodding. “Yes, good things.” 

“You know you can tell me,” He squeezed her hand, but… that pounding in her chest, it just didn’t want to allow her to speak. 

But finally, she found something.  _ Something  _ to say. 

“I just… this is, all so new to me. And I don’t know if we've at all done this properly,” She managed to let out a chuckle, “But, I don’t regret any of it.” 

He smiled warmly back at her. “I don’t either.”

“And…” She continued, attempting to fumble her fingers again, but he held them steady, “I just, I don’t know what this all means but, I just want you to know this is big, for me.” Her heart was daring to pound right out of her ribcage. Was she losing her mind? Why was she spilling all of this out? Get it together… get it together… ”And I just,” She shook her head, “I just mean, I don’t know how you feel but--”

His hand was suddenly stroking her cheek softly, in that way that she adored so much. She finally opened her eyes back to him. 

“This is big for me too, Rey.”

And that warmth she found there, it was that look she was starting to register as  _ home. _

“It is?” She heard herself whisper back to him, in a much more choked up voice than she was expecting.

“Yes.“ he nodded his head, not taking those consuming eyes off of hers.

Her heart dared to beat louder. Her lips began moving in an attempt to say something-- but she couldn’t find the words.  

So instead she reached up to him, letting her lips find a different way to speak to him.

The way he kissed her back… this wasn’t just her. He didn’t want to let her go either. She  gripped  his shoulders tighter, breathing him in, as he moved to gather her up in his arms-- one arm holding her behind her knee,  grasping  at the sheets, and the other around her chest, carrying her away from the island, the rest of their breakfast left forgotten.

As he walked, taking her to whatever destination he was, she wrapped herself up in him, lips desperately chasing his, until she felt him shift her weight, letting her feet fall back gently to the floor-- the cool, tiled floor.

They were in the bathroom; her eyes darted to the large, glass-walled shower, and then back to him.

Her sheet fell to the ground. His briefs were quickly discarded. 

He picked her up in his arms again as she leaned into him, pressing her skin up against his already hard erection, but pulling him down towards her, giving him another desperate, enveloping kiss. She wanted him, all of him, for however long he’d stay. For now, she could tell herself he would stay forever; she’d push aside those lingering thoughts fighting to refute. For right now, he was here; right now, he would stay.

He pulled her into the shower, where the waterfall from up above consumed them immediately; the sound of nothing but water pounding against the tile, and breaths between their lips.

She blinked her eyes open to his, his hair dripping and coating against the side of his face; his  _ wonderful _ , freckled, scarred, and imperfectly perfect face. She pushed his raven locks back and smiled, tasting the water that hit her tongue, but quickly finding his lips to taste again instead. He pushed her back, bringing his hands to her thighs, slipping slightly as he pulled up and braced her against the dark tiled wall.

“You sure you got this?” She breathed but didn’t give him a chance to speak as she bit at his bottom lip. 

He hummed, leaning deeper into her kiss, then finally got his lips free to answer, “I’m not going to let you fall.”

He then brought his lips to her neck, that wet hair brushing against her cheek, as she gasped and shifted her hips, trying to find his cock , already far too ready for him. He felt her move against him, and knew what she wanted, but brought his lips to her ear instead.

“Do you want me, Rey?” He purred, as she dripped in more ways than one. 

She nodded, her eyes fluttering, “Yes,” She panted, trying to settle down the jittery feeling in her chest. 

“Hmm,” He rumbled, bringing his shaft just to her folds, sliding across her.

She moaned out, it already felt too good, she wanted more.

“You teased me all morning, you know.” He chuckled, still playing at her entrance. Gods, it sent a tingling throughout her, her legs widening, begging him to come closer. 

“Then this should be killing you,” She breathed, struggling, having to swallow as he continued to toy with her.

He hummed in agreement evidently, finally giving in and pushing inside her.  _ Oh, _ she hoped she never got used to that, having to pant as she took him in, then out, then in-- it was, oh gods it was--

“ _ Yes _ ,” She leaned her head back against the tile, as his hands gripped tighter at her thighs, as she closed her eyes, taking this sensation all in. Each thrust she tried to move her hips along with, their skin slipping against each other. He held her tighter, not letting either of them slide too recklessly against the wall. 

But she wanted  _ more.  _

“Ben,” She panted, finding those dark eyes meet hers, “I want you on the floor.”

His eyes flickered between hers, as a playful grin formed across his face, “Your turn, then?” He huffed, those lips still gasping for air. 

She only flashed her eyes in response, but couldn’t help the smirk that formed across her face. Yes, it  _ was.  _

He nodded, then, knelt down, bringing himself to a sitting position-- pulling her down towards him. 

And gods, her already soaking body didn’t need any more time. She lowered herself immediately, straddling him, taking him in again, as his breath caught, his hands dug into her hips. 

She first moved slowly, finding her balance, finding her rhythm; she knew when he bit into her shoulder and bucked back underneath her, she’d found her pace. 

But she sped it up now, as his hips moved underneath her-- not being able to control themselves. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and she leaned forward, arching her back and slowing it down now, taking him, moving all up his length, and down, not caring for the pathetic moan she breathed into his lips.

His tongue then slid its way into her mouth, and she welcomed it, letting him have her in every way she could give-- before they had to gasp for air, but finding that especially difficult with the water pounding around them.

She sat up straight again, her eyes locked on his. Those amber and honey swirls were endless, so filled with emotion, trying to tell her everything her damn heart had taunted her to hope for. Her lips wavered, as she almost did it, she almost said it, what those eyes were daring to bring out of her-- but she bit them shut.

Her hips rolled more, deeper, getting that friction  _ just _ there and his eyes nearly rolled back, his hands grasping at her to hold on, and she could feel that tingling sensation starting to hit her, making her crave it more, and more, as she struggled to breathe. 

So close,  _ so close  _ now, with each drop of water that splashed against them adding fuel to their sparkling fire. 

Then--

“Oh--  _ Ben _ , _ oh-- _ ” She cried out, then gasped, and cried again, as she nearly melted into a mess around him, his arms wrapping around her, as he pumped up from below. She could hardly hear the shower raging around them, or the moans he let out a few seconds later, as she cradled her head into him, letting herself fall, completely. 

After a few moments, she could finally see normally again, the fuzzy stars and numbing electricity still there, yet fading quietly, as their skin still begged for the others. 

She shakily brought her eyes to his and smiled in that way she couldn’t control, no matter how desperately she wanted to. She couldn’t hide it, not when she was with him like this, she could  _ never _ hide it. It was all over her face, how she felt for him, and for the first time, she was daring to hope that’s what she was reading on his too.

But she only sighed, letting her body tell him what her words couldn’t.

That she loved him; that she was his, body and soul. That she’d be his forever if he’d be hers.

And as his hand brushed against her cheek again, she dared to hope that’s what he was telling her too.

* * *

 

Monday. The first day without her here. It was… it didn’t feel right. He had hated saying goodnight to her after dropping her off at her place, knowing he wouldn’t get to see her again until after work, and after her first day down at the Foreign Service Institute. He hated that look in her eye, that one she’d suddenly get at times, as if… as if she was sad, as if she really believed that them working separately would somehow change everything.

As if  _ anything _ could ever change how he felt towards her.

No, he knew ever since that night in Croatia. He knew this woman was  _ the woman _ . The woman he wanted to have for the rest of his life. But… with her being how she is, with her being  _ who _ she is… being  _ everything _ he didn’t deserve, he just couldn’t bring himself to expect her to want that from him too. 

But after that weekend… after they were, for the first time,  _ them _ , completely just allowed to be them. Wherever they went, regardless of if most of it was spent inside, he also knew that there was no going back. He’d never want anything more than more weekends like that with her. 

But the weekend was over now. The start of this next test for them would begin— but he was all in, if she was. 

So, while she was probably still in some sort of orientation this morning-- he still hadn’t received anything other than her good morning text-- he was shuffling through his desk, finding a resume for some entry-level analyst that was applying to his open internship position. 

They’d obviously be no replacement for her, but he did need an assistant after all, and Bazine had lined him up with someone first thing today, 10:00 am at his usual choice of interviewing. 

He sighed, looking at his phone again, before strapping his bag around his shoulder and heading out for the Knight Ren. 

It wasn’t long until he was at the familiar and cold marble and iron structure; the front doors swinging open for him without so much as a nod. 

The last time he’d been here, it’d been when he’d met her. As he slowly went up the stairs, he couldn’t help but grin, thinking of the first time those bright hazel eyes gazed into his. At how even then, there was something… something about her  _ calling _ to him. Something that didn’t make him turn her down, something that took that chance. That something, whatever force it was, had sparked something else in him, what he now knew was  _ hope _ ; which was something he hadn’t had since before everything in his life had fallen apart.

But as he took that final step to the second-floor landing… as his eyes turned to the usual corner, with the two armchairs and glass table… someone was already sitting there, waiting for him. Someone who caused every cell in his body to freeze. Someone who made every fiber in him recoil, who caused his heart to drop the moment it had just begun to feel alive. 

 

It was Vilhelm Snoke. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I......don't hate me. It needs to be done. 
> 
> Please trust me that I have a plan <3


	12. All Too Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The moment went by in a flash of camera lights and handshakes; but now, she was back in her seat, waiting for the rest of the freshly minted Foreign Service Officers to cross that stage and pick up their own flags. Hers was white and blue; she’d been so dazed by the quick announcement she still had to register which country’s flag she was now holding._
> 
> _Greece. She’d be going to Greece._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're a Tswift fan-yes, yes the title of this chapter is in reference to a song. Yes, that song. 
> 
> If you haven't heard it, then I'll give you the warning that title brings: This chapter is gonna be emotionally heavy. It's hitting the third plot point, the point where the protagonist fails, and hits their lowest point. Please keep that in mind. 
> 
> Rey still has her own demons to get over. And so does Ben. Except, his are both a real demon, and an inner one.
> 
> This will make them force to come face to face with those demons. And get better from it. I promise.
> 
> Also, this chapter will end with a VERY HOPEFUL note. I'm really hoping with the last scene you will start to see where this all is going, and yes, it's going to be epic. :')

 

 

 

 

 

That face. Oh how he hated it. How it made him feel like spewing up bile just looking at it.

Ben hadn’t moved from the stairwell. He wasn’t sure if he should. And yet… he swallowed, turning away wouldn’t stop Snoke and whatever it was he came here for. Two long steps forward, then another, and another, until he stopped; only a flimsy glass table between them.

“By all means, take a seat. I think you may need to,” the bastard’s slimy voice commanded. 

“Why are you here?” Ben spat back.

That chuckle, he had to grind his teeth to stop from screaming at it. 

“Oh, you really can’t even put that together on your own?” Snoke sneered, always in a condescending manner, always pushing him down in any minuscule way he could. 

“You’ve been a bit naughty, Kylo.” He continued, with a feigned sigh, “Or, Ben. If that’s what _she_ calls you now.”

His heart stopped. He had no response--even though he wanted to tell the man to go to hell in the most detailed way possible, he couldn’t say a damn thing. 

“I find it poetic that your ticking point ended up being a _girl_ after all. Didn’t think you were the type for… ventures of the heart. But maybe with your family’s past, I should’ve made that deduction sooner.” Snoke arched a taunting brow, daring to bring up _that_ , the very story that caused Ben to get into this whole mess in the first place—“Or,” Snoke continued, a gross grin on his face, “Maybe you just couldn’t resist that _perfect_ body of hers… in fact, I don’t know many men who wouldn’t take that opportunity.”

He was almost seeing red. _“Enough.”_ He growled, fists coiled, his jaw shaking as he stared down the old prune. _Say one more word like that about her and these fists will go into your gut._

But the villain just curled his lips into a smile.

“Don’t like me talking about her like that? Good. Then you’ll hate what I have to say next.”

Ben nearly punched himself. Snoke was trying to get him riled up. Of course he was—he was trying to see just how much he could milk out of this—this whatever it was he was trying to do. He took another breath, and shakily sat down in the armchair, forcing his face into a controlled mask. 

There was a flash in Snoke’s eyes as he began.

“When I leave here, I’m going to make some calls. And tomorrow morning, there will be a news story on the details of a Hollywood-style love affair—except this time, the actors are people who work in our governing body. One is a Lead Foreign Affairs Officer, and Analyst and Advisor to our leaders in this country about National Security issues. And the other is a pretty young thing that got through an extraordinarily rigorous process to represent our country abroad, after she slept with her boss, of course.” 

Ben just kept staring back. No matter how hard it was, no matter how much he just wanted to scream, or how much he wanted to punch him in the face—he just stared. Waiting for whatever move he played next. 

Snoke continued; those soulless eyes still locked on his.

“And the Foreign Service itself will take a hit because then people will claim they just accept people off the registrar list that are willing to get laid to get their way to the top. And then they’ll start to wonder just how qualified this ‘Rey’—a British woman, nevertheless—really is to serve this country. ”

If this damn prune said one more word about her like that, he was sure he would lose it. But he managed to breathe. He managed to keep his expression unbothered.

“What details could you _possibly_ have that would make any news outlet take up that ridiculous story?”

But that cruel laugh, and that hand reaching to the not noticed before briefcase at his side; Ben knew. 

“Oh, my boy, you really should be more careful.” Snoke then slid the folder over the table between them. Ben could only stare at it.

Finally, as if his arm didn’t belong to him, he grabbed the folder.

His heart nearly fell out of his chest. Photos. So, so many of them… from the party in Croatia… from him holding her in that back balcony of the palace… from… no— _no—_

No. _No. No._

 _It was them in the hotel room._ He couldn’t stop the trembling that shook throughout his body. It appeared from an angle that someone obviously took looking in from some other unknown spot, through the view of the balcony doors. His hands were at the waist of her dress, his lips at her neck… he frantically flipped forward, hoping, desperately hoping there was nothing more revealing—

“Unfortunately nothing more risque than that; my boy. You two seemed to move out of sight, assumingly to a bed. Or at least I hope for your sake because everyone will assume that anyway.”

He snapped his eyes to the old man, and for a fraction of a second, he swore he was going to do it—slam a fist into that face, and keep hitting him until he couldn’t breathe—but that wouldn’t save these photos from getting out. No. That wouldn’t save Rey. He quickly glanced around—thinking, giving himself a chance to figure out if he could stop this. But, how? He knew there were no cameras in the Knight Ren, and damn well knew no butler or serviceman here would speak against Snoke. They were nowhere to be seen, in fact. And he couldn’t bring this blackmail to anyone’s attention, not at the moment, anyways. Not before he needed to stop him. 

But something still could; otherwise, Snoke would’ve let these out already, if it was just pure payback for him leaving. No, Snoke was here to make a deal. 

“What do you want?” He said through gritted teeth, knowing the answer before he spoke the words. 

“You.” Those icy eyes already knew he’d won. “There’s a campaign coming up and it’s screaming your name. Not like she does, I’m sure, but I know there’s got to be that calculating, zealous, consultant in there that you were always meant to be. Before you stupidly gave it all up, running like a coward.”

Ben couldn’t stop the shaking. He didn’t know which emotion to control; the rage, the fear. It was sending him back to that place he’d struggled so hard to jump out of those many years ago. But… there was no other option, was there? He couldn’t possibly stop Snoke any other way—there was no _time_ to. 

He had no choice. 

“You won’t release these.” He responded, eyes burning, “You will destroy these, and then, I’ll do it.”

“Ah,” Snoke waved a finger, his face in a contorted smile, “You know I can’t do that. The instant I discard it, you’ll run again. No, I’m holding onto it. But when you join me, I’ll agree to not release it. I don’t care about the girl.”

Slowly, after a few deep breaths, after his mind full of heat settled down enough to think, he finally let the words come out.

“I will join you.” He then shot his eyes at Snoke, “But if any word of this gets out, I will do _everything_ I can to make your life hell.”

Snoke then stood up, daring to step closer now, knowing he had Ben back on his leash.  “And you won’t ever leave, or I’ll be sure to make _her_ life hell.”

Ben gave a curt nod, but turned his gaze out the window, not wanting to look at this demon for another second. Finally, Snoke walked away, but not without a cruel chuckle that echoed throughout the den. 

He had no idea how he was going to do this. How he could possibly work for him again, against… against his mother again, and how the hell he was going to tell Rey. 

But he had to do this. He couldn’t let this hurt her. He’d take all the hits if it meant she took none. But, he had no idea what it meant for their future. Or if Snoke would even allow their future to happen. His chest started to tighten, his hands shaking. No, no it was too much.

He couldn’t handle it, the emotions now consuming him; he jumped out of his chair, clenched a fist and swung it to the wall beside him. The pain didn’t even transfer from his mind to his hand; he just stared out the window, his body shaking, as a whirlwind of fear now took over him, crushing him, consuming him as he desperately tried to control the chaos now coursing inside.

 

* * *

 

  

No matter how many times she took a deep breath, or brushed a hand through her hair, that spike of nerves kept tingling throughout her. It’d been her first day, after all, those things tend to be a bit nerve-racking. But her jitters now had nothing to do with that.  

She glanced back at her phone, which was sitting beside her in the backseat of the uber. An uber, because, well it’d be easier than getting off at Metro Center to walk all the way back down towards the Lincoln Memorial. Where she was supposed to meet with Ben.

That’s what had set off her anxiety. Why didn’t he just want to come over to her place?

She cursed herself, picking it up again, only to look through those messages she knew would do nothing to settle her anxiety.

 **Rey:** Hey :) Sorry I haven’t texted you all day—been super busy.

 **Ben:** I’ve had a really rough day, I understand. 

 **Rey:** No assistant to help you? ;)

There was a pause there for a while, and when she was finally finishing up with orientation for the day, she’d decided to text him again.

 **Rey:** Are you still coming over to my place tonight?

 **Ben:** I don’t know if that’s the best idea right now. But I do need to talk to you.

 **Rey:** What do you mean? And, well okay, are we meeting somewhere then?

 **Ben:** A lot of things happened today. And to be honest I don’t know if public or private would be worse at the moment. 

 **Rey:** That really doesn’t clear anything up. Worse?

 **Ben:** I can explain it. Meet me by the reflecting pool, I can walk over there right when I’m done here. 

 **Rey:** Okay… this isn’t like one of those political dramas where you drop some earth-shattering news to me, right? 

 **Rey:** Ben?

She kept staring at the little _Read_ mark by her last message. _Why hadn’t he responded? Why was he being so… what was he being? Short?_ And she was just joking about that last comment… just trying to lighten the tone… a public place… acting strange and distant… _No, no, stop._ _You’re working yourself up for nothing._ She shook her head at herself tossing the phone aside to look out the window instead. 

The potomac was down below; they’d finally made it to the bridge to cross back into downtown DC. She glanced forward, to the great columns of the Lincoln Memorial, still bathed in sunlight, although that soon would fade. 

Just a few more minutes until she could put this anxiety to rest until she’d be in his arms again, and her stupid brain would shut up about short messages sent through what she knew must’ve been a very busy day.

 _Vring, vringgg_ —her phone danced on the seat beside her, and she darted her hand back to it, but was surprised to see it wasn’t Ben—

She swallowed, then answered, “Leia?”

“Rey,” Leia hesitated, “I want to know if you could tell me something.”

Rey froze. Something in Leia’s voice wasn’t right. She seemed… hurt. Did she… did she find out about them? Was this going to be how Rey had to confess to Leia? Her heartbeat began to quicken, not needing another stressful situation at the moment.

“Um,” She swallowed, “I’m not sure, what is it?”

“I—I just got a call from Snoke,” Leia paused, as Rey’s brows began to pinch, “It looks like Ben is with him, again. I know you’re no longer in your internship, but I just wanted to know if you might know why.” 

Rey just shook her head, not even letting that thought register, “Snoke, he must be lying—”

“No,” Leia cut her off, “This time, no.” 

Rey just shook her head and let out a puff, “Leia, there's no way—”

“I sent Ben a message, asking him if it was true, and he actually responded. With a ‘Yes.’” Leia sounded so defeated… so, heartbroken.

Almost everything in Rey’s mind screeched to a halt. Those sirens that never seemed to be silenced were now blasting at full volume.

“Miss,” The uber driver started, and Rey darted her eyes to him, “We are here miss.” 

She slowly nodded, trying to settle the rising storm throughout her. She was about to see him, and he’d tell her it wasn’t true. Because it _couldn’t_ be true. 

But that haunting feeling in the back of her mind, it was still there. That feeling she’d tried so hard to shove away. The feeling that’d wanted her to run the moment this had become so… so much. She shouldn’t have ever trusted this. She shouldn’t have ever let herself fall in—

“Rey?” Leia’s voice echoed on the other side of the phone, “Rey, are you still there?”

“I…” Rey responded, her voice hardly sounding as if it were her own, “I have to go.”

She wasn’t even sure if she closed the door all the way. She just stumbled forward, attempting to focus on the world around her. Right ahead were the steps to the Lincoln and to the left, the pool, where she knew somewhere he’d be standing, waiting. 

Her heart skipped frantically when she finally spotted him. His firm figure with that signature wavy raven hair. But even just with his stance, she’d know who it was. As she neared, he turned; and that face… something about it, something in the look of his eyes, those eyes she had stared into so deeply… the way his lips trembled, the way he ground his teeth… 

The sirens in her mind started blaring, and she froze, still about twenty feet from him. 

“Is it true?” She managed to get out, desperately hoping he’d refute it immediately. Desperately wishing he had no idea what she was asking. 

“You know?”

Her heart dropped. 

“I got a call,” She swallowed, keeping her breathing steady, as his eyes shifted over her, his expression so… why did he look like that, like he was ashamed, like… he didn’t even want to look at her. 

“Yes,” He finally responded, his voice heavy, “Yes it’s all true.”

Rey pinched her brow, this didn’t make any sense, and yet… that spiraling signal in the corner of her mind, it was telling her, of course, it made sense. Of course he was going. She shakily shook her head, trying to tell those thoughts they were wrong, he must have an explanation for this… he, he was still the man she’d… he just couldn’t, he couldn’t do this—

“Don’t do this,” she blurted out, and he took a step forward. She flashed her eyes back up to him, and whatever emotion she couldn’t control from slipping out there, it made him pause. 

“What else could I do?” he started again, glancing over her, his lips trembling, pleadingly, “It was just too much.” 

If that was supposed to be some sort of way to console her, it did the exact opposite. It was the exact words she had been terrified of hearing. Because of course it was too much. Of course this insane intimacy they had developed over such a short period of time was too much. It had been like a storm, like a wildfire that had consumed her, forcing her to fall into this without looking, without realizing…

She had fallen incredibly too hard. 

She swallowed heavily, before daring to press on. Her eyes hesitantly wandered back to his, finding him staring right back at her. Waiting for her to respond as if the entire meltdown inside of her wasn’t saying enough. 

“I… I just thought… I don’t know what I thought—” She stumbled, the swarm of emotions much too loud and uncontrolled for her to even be able to speak. 

He then looked away, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have let us cross that line.” He then sighed exasperatedly, bringing a hand up to his forehead, rubbing at his face, as if lost in regret.

She felt the sting in her eyes, the tightened grip in her chest, but kept blinking, kept breathing, not daring to show that to him, not now. 

“So…” She shook her head, “What, you… you’re going back to him now? And…” She paused, attempting to squeeze all the thousands of questions hitting her mind into a single one, “is that it then?” Pain. That’s what hit her throat, as she choked that question out. _Is that it then?_ It seemed so much easier to say than ‘are we over’. But it wasn’t. 

“What’s done is done.” 

It was so cold. So simple. So, horribly unlike anything she had ever grown to associate with him.

She had to take a deep breath, and then another, as she felt the falling, sickening feeling in her gut as if her chest had been stabbed, and her heart was beating its desperate last pumps to keep her coherent. 

His steps echoed closer to her, but she took one step back as he came within an arm's length, too close, too tauntingly close of everything she wanted to fall into. It was torture, her heart, and mind both at odds inside her, wanting to have the man she had just spent the previous day being held by to hold again.

But that wasn’t the man in front of her, her mind reminded her. She stepped back again, grinding her teeth. 

“Rey,” He breathed, somehow chokingly, as if something was hurting him too. As if he hadn’t just broke her entire world. “It was either this, or you giving up your career—” 

Her eyes snapped to his. But now anger started to bubble up inside her, impossibly fitting its way into her already overwhelming mix of emotions. 

“Excuse me?” She challenged, her breath barely able to make it out of her before it caught in the back of her throat again.

Ben blinked, then quickly shook his head, “I knew you couldn’t do that, that’s why I had no choice—”

“How _dare_ you,” she cut him off, the heat hitting her head so hard, she couldn’t stop the tears from finding their way out now. She paced forward to him, snarling. “You knew I’ve been wanting this since—since—” She swallowed, feeling another hot tear falling down her cheek, not being able to handle that train of thought now, of that well of pain she’d only ever shared with him. 

She knew what he was about to do, he was about to reach his hand up to her cheek—in a cruel reminder of a promise once upon a time. So she darted away from him, turning to face the long, shallow pool beside them. She couldn’t do this, it was just too much. All of it was too much. She bit down a sob from escaping her, as she stared out over the dark water. 

“Rey,” He called out from behind her, “Rey,” He repeated again, almost like a beg, “Now nothing should stand in your way. Everything you want, you can still have.”

Everything she wanted? She whipped her head around to him, not even attempting to control the hurt on her face now. And him, he just stood there, frozen, his eyes swarming in emotions she couldn’t understand. How could he possibly look at her this confused? And how could he look at her like _he_ was the one getting his heart broken?

“Do you seriously think this is what I wanted?” She could hear her own pain in her voice now but didn’t care to hide it anymore. She could barely make out his facial expression, not with how blurry her vision had now become.

But he didn’t move, he didn’t respond. So she took a shaky breath, then continued. 

”You, going to that—that monster, with EVERYTHING he did to you? Everything he made you become,” she shook her head at him, pinching her brow. But then, it hit her. Oh, it hit her, and it made every dagger that she felt like had been stabbed in her twist inside of her, as she realized—

“You’re working against her again,” She blinked and wiped the tears away, wanting to see him clearly, wanting to find any trace left of the man she thought he was.

He was shaking. But he didn’t refute her. He didn’t even try. 

“Rey,” His voice was low but weak, “It’s what I have to do.”

It was the final blow. This wasn’t just over, evidently it wasn’t even what she thought it was—and worse, _he_ wasn’t who she thought he was. The pain started to numb, and turn into a crushing, hollow feeling. 

She wouldn’t beg for him back. But she’d beg for him not to be everything she knew, deep down, he didn’t want to be either. She knew, _she knew_ , somewhere inside there, he had been honest about not wanting to hurt Leia. About not wanting to be the person he was with Snoke. Whatever happened… if it was her, if she had somehow made him want to run back to this… regardless if it was over, she couldn’t see him do this. Not to Leia. Not to himself.

“Please… please don’t do this, Ben.” It was just a whisper, but she knew he heard. She knew by the way his lips squirmed, by the way his eyes struggled to stay on hers; by how his chest shrank from the desperateness of her plea. 

“Rey, it’s just what I have to do…” He reached for her, his hand outstretched, his body shifting forward, but she backed away. 

“No… no… don’t.” She wasn’t about to suddenly be ready to make this okay. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t just pretend this hadn’t just broken everything inside of her. 

His eyes, they shifted, as a look of panic took over; one she didn’t understand. 

“Rey—please, wait—” He tried reaching out again, but she shoved him away. 

“Don’t, _don’t do that_ !” She yelled, her voice breaking, “Don’t you dare take another step towards me if all you’re going to do is just…” _just leave me,_ her mouth trembled, as she tried to breathe, tried to stop from choking, from drowning in this pit of pain and despair. As she tried to shove out the memories of being abandoned from flashing through her mind, only finding them to resurface. 

It was too much. It was crippling, watching the man in front of her, who had helped bring her out of that hole, turn around and throw her back into it.

He didn’t make another move towards her, respecting her wishes, and yet, confirming her worst fears. He was done with her. He was leaving her. Like anyone who’d get close to her always would. 

With every ounce of willpower left in her, she clenched her eyes shut, and felt her body turn away, without looking back.

She didn’t hear him call out to her again, not with the ringing in her ears, and not with every piece of her yelling out in pain inside of her. 

 

* * *

  


Six weeks. And it both felt like one day, and yet, six years. Or maybe he was six years _back_ in time. That would explain the office he was now sitting in. The old, yet hauntingly familiar glass cage of a room he was now surrounded by. 

“Kylo,” He turned his eyes to the blonde woman standing at the doorway of his office. Phasma.

“What is it?” He sighed, barely being able to bring his thoughts away from that hole they’d been trapped in, ever since that night. That night he lost everything.

She shut the door. Then released an exasperated sigh herself.

“Look, I know you don’t want to be here. And I don’t know why you _are_ here, but we have a job to do.” She crossed her arms, standing squarely upon the black rug in the middle of the dark hardwood flooring. 

Evidently he was to answer to her now too? Maybe a past Ben would have been enraged, but at the moment, he barely felt enough to respond.

“I am doing my job. Maybe you should mind your own business and do yours.” He replied, not caring for anymore of this conversation. 

A knock at the door. With the half-glass walls, it was no surprise who it was. Only a surprise that he’d bothered to knock. It was more of a command of attention than a request for entrance. Phasma straightened up, making herself even taller than she was, while Ben just ground his teeth, not knowing what else he could do in preparation for who’d walk through that door. 

A click, and there he was. His steps were slow, calculated, until he came to stand right across from Phasma, and looked between them; those eyes of ice landing on Ben’s. 

“Phasma, I’d like a word alone with Kylo, if you don’t mind.” He wasn’t asking. He was commanding her to leave. With a curt nod, she marched out of the room, while Ben just focused on the desk in front of him, instead of the rising anxiety that now crept up throughout him, taking over the numbness.

“You seem to have forgotten why I brought you back here, Kylo.”

He clenched his fingers, squinting his eyes to focus on the desk, on the keyboard, anything but the man facing him. 

“Oh, this is rich.” He laughed coldly, taking a seat in the black leather chair. “Pretend you’re too broken, that I’ve made a bad deal, and that I’ll throw you back out on the street?”

Ben slowly brought his gaze to Snoke’s. Only to see him smiling in that sinister way of his.

“That trick isn’t going to work here.” Snoke shook his head, still baring his teeth. 

“It’s no trick. I’m afraid I’m out of practice.” Ben then turned his gaze away again, the room around him becoming distant, as it always did when he had to endure these talks. 

“You’re a coward. That’s what you are.” Snoke snarled. But Ben had no defense. Maybe he was. He wasn’t sure anymore. 

“Would you like me to remind you what’s at stake here?” 

Ben’s eyes flashed then, with every ounce of energy left in him, he finally stared down the villain in front of him.

“You release anything about her, and I walk out those doors.” 

But Snoke just growled in return, his lip curling in a warning. 

“You might as well walk out now, or get your act together. Because you mean nothing to me if you can’t do your job.” He spat back, jolting up from his seat, those eyes not holding back the devil inside.

Ben just swallowed, then finally gave a short bow of his head.

Snoke huffed, then turned away. 

“Remember, I always get what I want, Kylo. You’ll dance for me, and I’ll pull the strings. And you get what you want too—you get your precious damsel in distress.” He then paused, turning sharply back to face him, a cruel glint in his eye. “Oh, wait. I guess you don’t in this story. But you fell on your sword like a good gentleman, and that’s really what you want, isn’t it? To be the hero?” He laughed, then shook his head, before opening the door. “Pathetic.”

Ben winced as the door swung shut.

At just the mention of her, the wound inside him felt as it was ripped back open. He took a shaky breath, then shifted his eyes to the dim light of the windows. It was a stormy day, the sound of distant thunder rumbling, while rain continued to pound against the glass. 

 _Breathe_ , just _breathe_ he reminded himself. He couldn’t get lost in thoughts of her again. He couldn’t let himself. And yet, that scene of her walking away, it couldn’t be pulled from his mind.

At first, it didn’t even hit him. That it was over. But after weeks of no answer from her, not a single word shared between them since… it was clear. She was done with him. And at first, he didn’t understand why. _Why_ she’d turned away. He was just doing what he had to do. 

But, maybe it did make sense why she didn’t want to stay with him. Not when he was back here. It was all building back up inside of him, the pain, the regret, the self loathing. The complete inadequateness he felt after everything in his life had been ripped apart before.

When he lost his father, after daring to try to have him back in his life, after he was starting to feel empty by Snoke the first time. How that spark of hope in having happy memories with his dad again was suddenly ripped from him forever.

When he lost his family, when he’d lost himself to playing a game he’d already grown tired of. How he was told he’d never be welcomed again, that he had turned into someone else completely.

Leaving Snoke then was the hardest thing he had ever done because where else was he supposed to go? But he did it. 

And look what happened.

Now, here he was, back here, in the same place, even more torn apart. Maybe he was just doomed to this fate, and he needed to stop trying to get out of it, because every time he did, he just hurt someone he loved. His Dad. His Mom.

_Rey._

The way she looked at him. She was in so much pain. The pain _he_ caused her. He couldn’t stand it. 

Maybe she never really trusted him. Why would she? What had he ever done to truly earn that trust? Even after he had done this for her. It still wasn’t enough to keep her. Because him coming back here would turn him into the monster he’d tried so hard not to be.

Because here he was again, stuck in his past mistakes like he’d always be. He didn’t deserve her, her warmth, her light. That’s the only explanation. She’d finally realized she deserved better. And he couldn’t blame her. 

She’d walked away to live the life she deserved; he did as well. 

When his phone began to beep beside him, he knew it wouldn’t be her. She hadn’t responded to any of his texts, hadn’t answered any calls. But as he pulled the screen closer, it was perhaps still as shocking. 

It was his mother. A spike of fear and dread and worthlessness spread throughout him, and yet, he felt himself pull the phone up to his ear.

“Hello,” He started, unsure how else to acknowledge her. Unsure of how she was about to acknowledge him.

“Ben,” Her voice, it was… relieved. He wasn’t expecting that. And he didn’t know what to say. 

“Ben,” She began again, “I just want to talk to you. Can we do that?”

He hesitated, but, well… what else did he possibly have left to lose?

“Yes,” He stumbled out, but, his lips still squirmed, unsure what else to respond with. 

“You can… of course, come by anytime you want, but, if you’re not wanting to come home, I will be at the Alderaan club tomorrow.” She spoke carefully… hopefully. 

Alderaan club. Right. Phasma mentioned something about Leia hosting an event this weekend. Something he was supposed to be keeping a watch on. 

“For the fundraising event?” He responded, thinking it over. Trying to, at least, but with his brain in a fuzzy haze, that was rather difficult.

“Yes, I’ll be there before the official start time, if you’d like to speak beforehand. Or during is fine.” 

Options, giving him options. Except, not really. He couldn’t say no, not now. 

“I’ll be there.” He finally agreed, caving in, with no escape.

“Thank you, Ben.” 

He thought he heard a smile in her tone and wasn’t sure if he could let himself hope it was because of him. 

“Goodbye,” He quickly responded, blinking rapidly, while she said the same before they both clicked the end call button.

Maybe he just didn’t have any ounce of energy left in him. Maybe he was just too weak. Maybe he did just want to talk to her, and more than anything, have someone that still wanted to talk to him. Whatever the reasoning was, he was finally going to face her. And for whatever reason, he wasn’t feeling fear. 

Perhaps because he’d already lost the woman he’d loved more than anything in this world; perhaps there wasn’t much left to fear.

  


* * *

 

 

Six weeks. Six weeks of getting lost around the Foreign Service Institute, of learning and preparing herself in every way before her first assignment was made. That meant days of long meetings, classes, and attempting to create some networking with other Diplomats. 

That also meant six weeks without seeing him.

She had a new routine now. She woke up early. Read the news. She did a workout once in the morning, and again right after work. She exhausted herself every day to the point where sleep was bearable. 

She didn’t much feel like going out anymore. It just, it wasn’t as fun when you had to force smiles when you’d grown so used to not having to fake them. So she stayed inside on the weekends, or she would wander off to get some coffee, now and then. But she hated how Rose and Finn would end up giving each other those looks, those looks of… pity that she just couldn’t stand. 

She was fine. She told herself she would be, that she’d pick herself back up, that this was just another lesson to be learned. That she had been reckless, that she had trusted someone so stupidly, so blindly, just because she’d been feeling something like that for someone for the first time in her life. That she just hadn’t ever had a relationship before, that it was just hitting her like everyone’s first breakup does. That’d she’d move on, that she’d be the Diplomat she’d been fighting so hard to become and not dare let this get in the way of that.

But those six weeks had gone by, and it’d still been just as hard to put on that mask every morning. The mask of a smile and the charade of positivity. But she did it. She did it every damn day.

Now it was Flag Day. It’s what they call it, when you get your first assignment. It’s a ceremonious moment, most of the State Department heads attend—including the Secretary of State herself. 

And if someone else was still at the State Department… if someone else was still… well, they might have been here too.

But he wasn’t.

She swallowed, standing by the stage, being the next to walk across it. She needed to focus and not trip in her heels and fall in front of her entire new ‘freshman’ class of Diplomats. She messed with her hair one more time, it’s new shorter cut still something she was getting used to, before smoothing down her dress. Simple things. The easiest things to settle her. 

The moment went by in a flash of camera lights and handshakes; but now, she was back in her seat, waiting for the rest of the freshly minted Foreign Service Officers to cross that stage and pick up their own flags. Hers was white and blue; she’d been so dazed by the quick announcement she still had to register which country’s flag she was now holding. 

Greece. She’d be going to Greece. 

A part of her was ecstatic, and that was the part she showed. Her face was glued back into a smile, her eyes wide and hopeful; at least, to anyone who didn’t know any better. 

The truth is, she just felt paralyzed. Stuck trying to be the person she used to be, but finding that as impossible as a snake trying to fit back into old skin. 

She never even let another tear through, not since that night when she’d lost it completely.  When she wasn’t sure if she could ever fully pick back up the pieces since some of them seemed permanently missing. Permanently lost in the past, and a future she had once dared to dream of. 

“Rey?” 

She blinked, then quickly turned—and found that she was standing beside a warm faced woman, who’s light pink hair was always a bit of a surprise to see, with it belonging to who it did.

Oh, right, she wasn’t in her seat anymore… she was standing, leaning against the bar at this room reserved just for this event… and Secretary of State Amilyn Holdo had just walked up to her, and said… something, but Rey wasn’t sure what it was.

“Sorry, Madam Secretary,” She shook her head, snapping a smile back into place, “I was just thinking of Greece.” She twirled the little flag in her hand. Yeah. That made sense. She should be thinking about this incredible next step in her life, after all. 

“Rey, you can call me Ami.” She smiled, those sharp blue eyes searching hazel ones… searching maybe a little too much. “And I was just commenting on how amazing you rock that dress, you look like a beacon of power in it.”

Rey kept her smile in place, “Well thank you, that was part of what I was going for.” She glanced down at the white, knee length and hip-hugging dress she’d decided on today. It was professional and classy, something that made her feel a bit more prepared than she actually was. 

Ami laughed, “Oh I understand. But I really came over here to ask how you’re feeling about your first assignment. It’s quite a good one if you ask me.” She winked. 

“Oh it is,” Rey gave a wide grin back to her, “I feel like I’ll actually get to do real work there, but also get to enjoy the scenery of it a bit too.” 

“Exactly,” Ami chuckled, then sighed, laying her eyes now on the room behind them.

Rey turned too, glancing at the large-(Greek like, strangely enough)-columns that held up this massive structure of the Alderaan ballroom. Many faces and suits and dresses surrounded them. Many of them belonged to the new Diplomats and other State Department workers… but, it was clear that the family members that had shown up to this event were outnumbering any other demographic. Rey tried not to focus too much on that detail. Which is probably why she somehow managed to be at the bar. Finn had some other event going today, she honestly forgot what it was, and, come to think of it, she wasn’t even sure she had mentioned this to either him or Rose.

Besides, it wasn’t their fault she had no one else here. 

“You know,” she heard Ami start, “I don’t know if you know this, but, Leia happens to be a real, real good friend of mine.”

“She’s mentioned it, actually,” Rey replied, but kept her hazy gaze on the room around them. 

“And, I know she’s so very proud of you. She talks about you constantly. About this bright, driven girl. And ever since I’ve met you, when you were an intern with… Ben, I’ve seen that too.”

Rey felt her heart stammer at his name but kept her breathing steady. She peeked a hesitant look at the Secretary, this woman that continued to surprise her with her warmth and tactful maneuvers. 

“I miss her,” Rey commented, keeping the conversation on Leia. 

“Well,” Ami shrugged, “She’s having her own fundraising event here actually, in just a little bit. But I’m sure she’s already around this place, somewhere.”

“Really?” Rey blinked, “Well… I mean, I don’t know if I’m invited.” Which, was a ridiculous excuse, knowing Leia damn well wouldn’t mind… but, Rey wasn’t sure if she could do it. If she could face Leia, and not just see… _him._

“Rey.” Something in her voice made Rey dart her eyes towards the Secretary, looking back at her like _that_. Almost pleadingly. “You’re like family to her.” 

Rey tried not to swallow too thickly, tried not to let that pause linger, but couldn’t help but blink and look away. 

“Hon,” Rey felt the gentle grasp of the Secretary’s hand on her shoulder, “I know we’re all professional, ambitious, career-minded women. But we’re all still human beings, too. We all need people in our lives. It doesn’t matter if our career choices happen to be as serious as they are,” she laughed, “You’ve got to be allowed to be a person too.”

Rey froze, Ami didn't… well, she _couldn’t_ know how deeply that hit. And Rey was determined not to let that show, to strap on a smile and a nod as her heart hammered madly, as her mind began to spin in a dizzying mess of emotions that she was tired of learning how to re-cage inside of her. 

“And I don’t mean to cross a line,” she added, more softly, “I just want you to know that Leia cares about you and that she’s here. And that’s all.” She shrugged.

Rey nodded, “Thank you,” and she meant it. She meant it for everything, and she knew Ami heard that too. 

With that, Ami pulled her into a gentle hug, and Rey gave her a real smile, before taking a deep breath and turning towards the ballroom doors. 

 

* * *

 

It was another beautiful room, filled with columns and paintings and intricately designed decor, as usual for the Alderaan Palace. That’s what they called this place, and it truly was. A palace for any and every political sort of event going on in the heart of the District. 

She sighed, looking at her diamond encased watch, always glancing at the little engraving just to the side of its opal face.

_I know._

It always managed to give her a smile. 

But she frowned again. It was thirty minutes until she needed to be in the main hall just on the other side of this smaller parlor. Thirty minutes she’d only spend wondering if he’d really decided to come speak to her after all. 

 _Stop_ , she shook her head at herself, _remember your own advice_ . _He’ll come back. If not today, it will happen._

She believed that. She’d always believe that. But for reassurance, she glanced at that little engraving once again. 

A knock at the door and her breath caught in her throat. 

“Yes?” She called out calmly, as calmly as possible. 

The door opened slightly, and it was Finn who popped his slightly anxious face around the door.

She couldn’t help the little drop in her chest, even though, of course, she’d love that face as a son as well, it wasn’t the one she was expecting to see.

“Erm, Leia?” He hesitated, “Someone is here to see you.” A swallow, before he opened the door completely—to let a tall, brooding figure step through the door.

She stared back at him. He… he looked awful. The circles under his eyes, the hollow way he stood… the emotionless, yet, tormented look across his face. She had to quickly blink and take a deep breath, before the pain at seeing him like this, worse than she’d ever seen him, took over her. 

Finn already bowed out of the room, the white door gently clicked shut.

Slowly, she crossed through the space between them, around the ornate desk, around the luxurious armchairs, but paused, as she noticed him tense and shift uncomfortably. Not too close, not yet. 

So she stood still, waiting beside the coffee table and smiled. “You showed up.”

“Yes,” He nodded, those trembling eyes, her eyes, shifting over her. He fumbled a bit but kept his gaze on her. A sorrowful, yet, powerful gaze. Those eyes of his had always been like that, always so full of emotion. Never being able to hide the man he was inside.

“I’m so happy to see you, Ben.”

He frowned even more so if that was possible. “You are?”

“Yes, of course, yes.” She nodded, taking another hopeful step closer. 

Ben looked away. “I… didn’t think you’d want to see me. Especially not now.”

Guilt. So much guilt across his face, and yet, she was the one that should be ashamed. Ashamed that she ever made her own child feel like he couldn’t speak to her. With another deep breath, she gave him a pleading smile. “I always want to see you, Ben.” 

His face froze. Locking down those feelings she knew were coursing through him. 

“After I left Snoke…” He began, his voice low, his head shaking, “I tried to stop by—”

“But Luke made you think I didn’t want anything to do with you.” She finished the sentence for him, knowing now that there was something else, after all, something she hadn’t known. 

She’d realized it was the only thing that didn’t make sense, how Luke had been so distant as well, and after Rey had seemed to suggest there was something that Leia hadn’t known… well, her intuition had picked up that there was something there. She had nearly torn her brother apart, not for his mistaken use of words, because certainly we all say things we don’t necessarily mean, but for not telling her for so long. For making her wonder what it was that stopped her own son from ever wanting to see her. 

Ben blinked, a questioning look on his face, but then a small hint of realization. Yes, she’d get to _that_ question eventually, about him and Rey, but now she had a different question on her mind.

“Ben… please just tell me; _why_ did you go back to him?” 

He swallowed, taking a sharp, deep breath. 

“Rey.” Pain. So much pain shot throughout his face. “I couldn’t let him hurt her.” He glanced down, barely whispering those last words.

Leia pinched her brow, “And how would he hurt her?”

Ben let out a defeated sigh. “He had photos. Photos that would ruin her life, her dream, take away everything she’s ever wanted.” 

Leia stood still for a moment, taken aback. Blackmail. Her son was being blackmailed… and, about Rey? Rey… and him… It all clicked in her mind. _Ah._

“I’m assuming,” she looked over him, curiously, “photos of her, an intern, and her boss at the State Department?” She couldn’t help the arch to her brow as she asked, knowing the answer already.

A slight chagrin to his cheeks. Then a glance out the window. “Yes.”

She tried to hide her grin, knowing it would only make him more embarrassed. Talking about a girl with his mom. And… what she assumed to be scandalous photos.

She shook her head. The two kids. If Han was here he’d be laughing and no doubt bringing up their own history. Which would only make Ben’s face turn tomato red, she was sure.

But… he was doing this… just for her? She looked over him again, “You would go back to that man, and everything he put you through, and everything he’ll now put you through… for Rey?”

He shrunk his shoulders. “This was the only way… I couldn’t let that happen to her. Regardless… if she… doesn’t seem to want to see me again.” The ache across his face returned. The ache she was finally starting to understand.

He was a man in love. At first, that realization felt like joy, like a breath of fresh air, that she’d known the real him all along. Knew this was truly her son, the man with such emotional depth, and honesty, that she had loved so much about him. But then, that joy took a sharp turn, as it only made the reality hit even harder. He was heartbroken.

“Have you talked to her about this?” She pinched her brow, she hadn’t had many conversations with Rey since that phone call, those many weeks ago now. Only a few texts, to which Rey said Leia was right. He’d gone back to Snoke. They had left it at that.

He only nodded, swallowing heavily. His body tensing. 

Leia looked away from him, not being able to take it. The pain he was now feeling. And hardly understanding… if he was doing this for Rey… surely Rey wouldn’t have been the one to call this off? But, that was none of her business. Rey, of course, had her own life, her right to make her own decisions on this.

She sighed, finally looking back at the man she had, wrongly, misjudged for so long. Even if she knew deep down who he really was, she’d wrongly thought he’d been someone else this whole time. Wrongly assumed he’d changed, somewhere, and that he just needed time to come back. But, no. He was always Ben. Always her son. She hoped he’d forgive her for that, someday. For thinking he was someone he’d never wanted to be.

But right now he needed her help, right now she needed to focus. Blackmail. That reminded her of… ah. Yes. Of course it was Snoke. She had a very close friend that was in a blackmailing predicament at the moment as well, unknown as to who the blackmailer was. But she knew. That intuition of hers knew. Maybe she had a solution after all… 

“Ben—we can stop him some other way, you don’t have to do this. We can get the evidence against him, we’ll find it, we can—”

“Snoke will see it coming.” He interrupted her, then quickly shook his head. “No. No, don’t do anything about this, Mom… please.” 

Her heart tugged at the way he was looking at her, the way he was begging her to let him do this. 

She had no choice but to nod.

He took a deep breath, evidently relieved. “And I want to… I want… things to change. With us. But I need time. I don’t know… how to… go forward.” It was hard, so hard to watch him stumble with this, watch him think he couldn’t just _be_ her son. That he had to be someone else, that he couldn’t make mistakes, couldn’t make his own decisions, even if they weren’t the decisions she would have made.

She had no idea where she went wrong, making him think that way, but someday she hoped he’d see that she never wanted him to be anyone other than _him._

“Ben.” She spoke gently, “All I want is for you to be back in my life.”

He swallowed, giving a short nod.

“And, I’m so sorry.” She sighed again, letting her face fall out of a smile, letting him see how much she truly meant it. “For the plenty of mistakes I’ve made, not being there for you when I should have… and for the pain you’re going through now…”

He couldn’t look at her, and she realized why. A small tear had escaped him, and she knew how much he hated crying in front of her. Even ever since he was just a little toddler, he’d been like that. No matter how many times she tried to tell him it was okay. 

“I,” He began, a little shakily, “I don’t think I should stay much longer… but I needed to tell you the truth.” He took a deep breath, and finally let his eyes drift to hers again. “And to apologize for causing so much pain. You didn’t deserve that.”

She wanted to cross the divide, she wanted to have him in her arms once again, but as he began to bow his head, and turn away—she didn’t stop him. She knew how hard this was for him, she knew this was just the first step, that there would be another time.

But he paused in the doorway, and with just a small shift of his head, barely catching her eyes again, he took another breath. 

“And I know, Mom. I know.” He swallowed, giving her one last look before turning away completely. 

She couldn’t help the tears that swelled in her eyes, as she knew, _she knew exactly_ what he was trying to say, but he just couldn’t. Not yet. 

He was so like him, in so many ways, and yet, there was such a softness to this man, one she wasn’t even sure came from either her or Han. 

She closed her eyes, letting her feelings turn into hope, instead of pain, letting herself feel hope for this man that she knew… somehow, she’d get him out of this, and be free of that monster forever.

 

* * *

 

A glance around the main hall until she spotted it, the familiar signs welcoming prospective donors to the host event, organized by Senator Leia Organa. Hall 9… that’d be upstairs, wouldn’t it?

She spun her head around to the grand staircase to her right and began to march her way over. Steadily taking another breath, trying to prepare herself to see Leia once again. Trying to keep that mask from fading, from letting any of this mess of emotions underneath seep through her face. 

But as she took her first step up the velvet rug of the stairs, something caught her eye. Someone, slowly, coming down the stairs, someone her heart already knew who it was before she even really looked at him.

As those eyes of his landed on hers, her mask crumbled immediately. Those eyes she’d never been able to escape, not even in dreams, they were—they were so broken, so unlike how she imagined how cold they’d be if she ever saw them again. She quickly traced over the rest of him, at the tremble of his lips, at the pain that was strapped across his face. The pain she wasn’t expecting to mimic her own. 

“Ben,” she breathed, not even realizing she’d spoken.

“Rey—” He responded, but no other words came out of his mouth, as his eyes just drifted over her, almost in a haze, almost as if he wasn’t even sure he was seeing her.

“Rey!” A cheery voice called out from behind her, and she quickly turned her gaze. It was one of the Senior Foreign Service Officers, who’d been part of training the six-week orientation. “There you are, Ami said you’d be this way. I just wanted to give a big congratulations. You’re going to make quite a great Diplomat in Greece, I just know it.” He beamed widely at her behind old spectacles.

“Thank you, I appreciate that Mr. Binks.” She couldn’t help but smile back at him, but then darted her gaze back to Ben, who swallowed deeply. His eyes then shifted to the small flag she’d been holding, probably just now realizing why she was here.

Mr. Binks squinted at Ben for a moment, as if trying to make out who he was but then turned his gaze back to hers. “Well, Miss Rey, I will be on my way!” He smiled widely again, in that, somewhat goofy and endearing way of his, before he turned away.

“Seems congratulations are in order, Diplomat.” Ben’s low voice murmured from beside her.

There was a sting in his voice, something that made her shift her eyes between his, trying to understand this man she had once thought she’d known. Trying to understand how to react to him now.

“Thank you,” She responded. Then, she took another deep breath. “Greece won’t be for another year. Not until I’m done with training.” She added, looking down at her twirling hands, noticing his own hand twitching, almost… almost as if he was holding them back.

“Well, again, congratulations.” He bowed his head, pursing his lips together again as he stood there stiffly, yet trembling. It seemed he was about to step away, yet, he paused, hesitating. That shift in his eye wavering into that softness she’d grown so used to, and for a moment, she saw another glimpse of that future they had discarded so suddenly. But it made the next words hit sharper than a knife to the back. 

“Goodbye, Rey.” 

Her heart pounded, her face faltered, as he stepped away from her, continuing on down the stairs.

“—Goodbye.” It’s almost a whisper, as she stared after him, frozen in place. For a moment, he seemed as if he was about to turn around again, and she hated how much she wished he would. But after another few steps, he was about to walk out the main doors. 

She couldn’t watch him anymore. 

She hurriedly turned away, her blurry vision making it difficult to make it up the stairs, but finally, she did. And with every piece of her feeling like it was falling out of place, she knew she couldn’t see Leia right now. So she ran, ran down the hall until she stumbled against a great stone pillar. 

She stood, trembling, barely holding herself steady against the railing and the column beside her.

And that’s when she finally let it all come out of her again, for the first time since that night. Every ache in her reached the point where she couldn’t possibly hold it back. Sobs began to escape her, and she let them. 

She was haunted by the same, hollowing thoughts. It was all too much, incredibly too much. Too much happiness that was taunting her in the cruelest way, memories that were daydreams, turning into nightmares. The thoughts of them, tangled up in each other’s arms, thoughts of them, confessing each other’s deepest darkest wounds… thoughts that were entirely too painful to replay in her mind, and yet, always would. Reminding her what it felt like to not be alone. Reminding her in the worst way, that she always _would be_ alone.

“Rey.” 

She hurriedly choked up another cry from her throat, trying to settle herself, before answering the voice behind her, the one she knew belonged to—

“Leia,” Rey responded, still not ready to turn to face her just yet, desperately attempting to reel back in the flood of emotions that just came pouring out.

She gripped her hand tighter against the rail, keeping her focus on it. Not a moment later, another hand, adorned with jewels came to rest beside hers.

“It’s tough seeing him, isn’t it?” Leia spoke softly.

Rey ground her teeth and then blinked her eyes towards the woman beside her. She had no idea what to say, no idea how to even begin to speak about _him_ … to _her_. 

“No more pretending around me, please, Rey.” She sighed, glancing back down to the main hall below. “I _know._ ”

Rey swallowed, feeling a pang of heavy guilt hit her chest, “Leia, I’m so sorry I—” but feeling the tears start to rise again, she had to close her eyes and lean against the railing again. 

“Rey,” She felt Leia’s hand on her back, “ _I’m_ sorry. I’m sorry that I… sort of put this chain of action in order. Not that I thought… Well, I just can’t help but feel that this pain you two are both in is, partly my fault.”

At that, Rey snapped her eyes to Leia’s in disbelief. “ _Your_ fault? How would it be _your_ fault for what he decided to do?” A pause, as Rey continued shaking her head, incredulous at Leia possibly feeling this way, “He made his choice to go back to Snoke… to go against you again… to… to… ” But she swallowed the next words she was going to say. _Discard her away. Break her heart._

But Leia just stared back. A strange look appeared in her eyes, one Rey wasn’t sure how to read.

“You don’t know about the blackmail, do you?” 

Rey just blinked, pinching her brow back at her, “Who… what are you talking about?”

Leia’s eyes widened, in either shock, pain, or hope, she wasn’t sure. But Rey’s mind froze, waiting for whatever Leia was about to say, yet at the same time, her thoughts started scrambling, started wondering—

“Rey,” Leia breathed, taking a hand in hers, before speaking very carefully.  “Snoke had photos of you two. It sounds like it was… very incriminating. He threatened to expose you, guaranteeing the end of your Foreign Service career… maybe in anything in this political world. Ben made a deal.” 

Each word Leia spoke, Rey had to repeat it back to herself in her mind, had to try to understand exactly what Leia was saying—Snoke, he… he did this, he was doing this to get to her… to get to Ben… because he knew what Ben would do.

The tears started to cloud her vision again, as she had to struggle to breathe. She had to let go of Leia, had to turn away, had to brace herself against the railing, as she finally understood.

He didn’t leave her. He was saving her.

The next sob she let out was a confusing mix of relief, ache, and shame, as she tried to replay that night back in her head once again, of her… of her being the one to leave him… of him now, being forced to do this, being forced like an animal in a cage—

_Because of her._

She quickly turned her gaze to the main doors, her mind racing, attempting to figure out what she could possibly do.

She didn’t know if he would care to see her again. That part she still didn’t understand. But she didn’t have time to replay every word in her mind, to try and figure it out—all she knew was that she had to stop this. 

“I… I have to go—I have to find him.” She stumbled out and began to pull away. Thoughts only on him, only on fixing this mess, and not letting him be under Snoke’s control another damn second, but Leia’s hand caught hers.

“Rey, wait… he can’t leave Snoke without it ruining everything you’ve worked for—”

“I don’t care.” Rey interrupted, decided. And she truly didn’t. Somehow, she didn’t.

“ _Rey,_ ” Leia’s commanding voice made her pause. But Rey just shook her head.

“Leia, I _have_ to talk to him… I can’t have Ben do this… yes… it will ruin everything… but—” 

“But you love him,” Leia smiled, knowingly.

Rey felt her heart hammer in response and swallowed as she nodded.

Leia slowly walked closer to her, a hopeful, driven look in her eye. “Then let’s really give him a chance to be free of him, Rey. Because if it’s not this, it will be something else. Snoke will _always_ be after him.”

Rey squinted, thinking it over. “You want to take Snoke down,” Leia nodded, with a determined grin. Rey couldn’t help the huff she let out in response. “But… _how?_ ” She asked, shaking her head. 

But Leia, with that hope that never seemed to fade, just smiled back at her, before taking both Rey’s hands in hers.

“We’ve already got everything we need.”

Rey blinked, astonished at such a simple answer, and yet, she couldn’t focus on the questions that now bounced in her mind, as Leia wrapped her in a warm, loving embrace. She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh, letting another tear fall.

Whatever the future held for her and Ben… even if she couldn’t fix this between them… she wasn’t going to let him take the fall, wasn’t going to let him suffer, regardless of what it meant for her. And for now, that was enough. Enough to make that fire in her return, the light of drive and hope she had just now realized she’d forgotten how to feel. 

She squeezed Leia tighter, knowing they’d bring him back.  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mess with the two women that love Ben Solo more than anything. It will be the last thing you do ;)


End file.
